[sackgasse]

I just started therapy for the first time a few weeks ago. I actually went because I've been fighting some painfully empty/low feeling that leaves me unable to move for periods of time. That and my already short fuse and bad temper have hit record highs.

Thing is, every time I get there, nothing will come out..so I feel stupid on top of everything. I did manage the first day to kind of say what I wrote above but I feel like he's probably sitting there wondering why I'm even there because I can't say anything beyond that. I just freeze up.

He's asked me to write thoughts/feelings down for Monday's session, but I don't understand what he wants and I don't want to bother him with an email asking "huh?" when it's a plain and simple request (or should be). I sit to try to write some things out and it's mass confusion in my head and I end up just getting extremely pissed off and have to walk away.

Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions?

[precious things]

Originally Posted by sackgasse

I just started therapy for the first time a few weeks ago. I actually went because I've been fighting some painfully empty/low feeling that leaves me unable to move for periods of time. That and my already short fuse and bad temper have hit record highs.

Thing is, every time I get there, nothing will come out..so I feel stupid on top of everything. I did manage the first day to kind of say what I wrote above but I feel like he's probably sitting there wondering why I'm even there because I can't say anything beyond that. I just freeze up.

He's asked me to write thoughts/feelings down for Monday's session, but I don't understand what he wants and I don't want to bother him with an email asking "huh?" when it's a plain and simple request (or should be). I sit to try to write some things out and it's mass confusion in my head and I end up just getting extremely pissed off and have to walk away.

Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions?

I would take the first sentence you wrote and from there expand your thought...what happens when you can't move, what exactly are the thoughts? Give a few details of your bad temper. Your T needs to get an idea of what it is you are struggling with so he can help you.

[optimize990h]

Do you think if you made a list of what you can talk about would help? Of course, if there was such a thing as a verbal laxative.....

Another suggestion is would laughter help you relax?

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by sackgasse

I just started therapy for the first time a few weeks ago. I actually went because I've been fighting some painfully empty/low feeling that leaves me unable to move for periods of time. That and my already short fuse and bad temper have hit record highs.

Thing is, every time I get there, nothing will come out..so I feel stupid on top of everything. I did manage the first day to kind of say what I wrote above but I feel like he's probably sitting there wondering why I'm even there because I can't say anything beyond that. I just freeze up.

He's asked me to write thoughts/feelings down for Monday's session, but I don't understand what he wants and I don't want to bother him with an email asking "huh?" when it's a plain and simple request (or should be). I sit to try to write some things out and it's mass confusion in my head and I end up just getting extremely pissed off and have to walk away.

Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions?

I barely talked for 9 months. I cried a lot though.

We have had many discussions on how frustrating it is to want to talk but not be able to talk. We talk about the fears associated with talking (revealing myself, looking or sounding stupid or disgusting, having nothing 'important' to talk about, etc). Each of these discussions helps because we are talking and we are building trust. Trust is a key component of feeling free to talk. It takes time to build trust. It takes as long as it takes, and there is no rush. If you are feeling rushed or pressured, that is something to talk about too.

So, perhaps you can write about how frustrating it is to not be able to find the words; to want to talk and to talk freely, but feeling held back in some way; about the fears that can be hard to think about - the therapist's judgement, feeling embarrassed, feeling shame, feeling desperate, feeling alone, feeling hopeless.

Whatever you are feeling when you pick up the pen or pencil to write, just let if flow

[Raging Quiet]

I can relate with you ((((hugs)))))

My T last week asked me to write a story about my feelings; she said it could start "once apon a time there was..." Writing as an external character is apparently easier than writing it from first hand. Perhaps it would help to write a Mini autobiography including the issues that bring you to T.

I find writing letters to my T in between sessions really helpful; even if its "dear T, when we spoke about x, I was actually feeling.."

[Nelliecat]

I was the same way for a long while when I started. My t used to ask where in my body I was having feelings and I would say my head and tummy. She would then get me to describe what they looked like and what colour they were - a big tangled mass of black and red string. I used to think she was off her rocker but gradually (two years) I'm finding it easier and can identify a lot more feelings now. That said I spent a lot of last weeks session not able to talk but t still said 'you're actually communicating a lot to me' fear, anger etc. I suppose through my body language and the very little I did manage to say.

It takes a while, give it some more time and don't beat yourself up for 'not getting it right'

[refika]

Therapy is definitely challenging at first, not knowing what to say or talk about. I went through that very difficult time. I found writing things down then bringing it in helped a LOT.

I wrote down whatever thoughts came to mind...whether it was my husband, family, stress from work, from life, anything. I didn't worry about how it sounded or if it made sense. If I thought about it, I wrote it down. I would even write down the good days I had, when I felt good or accomplished a small goal.

It's weird, but once you say something in therapy, your therapist usually knows how to take that and run with it and get you to open up more, which is the whole goal.

[emptyspace]

Many clients start therapy being quiet. Many write notes and either read it out loud or T reads it at the session. So don't be concerned, it is very common.

Try this.

Get in a place where there is no distractions. Turn off TV, music, whatever. Put two pieces of paper on a table or desk. Close your eyes, take a couple real deep breaths and then open your eyes and write the first thing that comes to mind on one piece of paper. Answer it on the other piece. Go back and forth about whatever comes out.

Example
Paper 1-------------------------------------- Paper 2
this is stupid ----------------------------------yeah, some idiot on PC suggested this
how will this help me in therapy -----------------who knows
i am getting angry at this exercise -------------- i always feel angry

Sometimes this method works for people and brings out important issues.

If it doesn't just write down whatever comes to your mind and don't worry about it. Sometimes it leads to interesting topics. Good luck.

[sackgasse]

Thank you for all the replies. I'm trying everything, and will continue to. So far anger is still winning. I can't pick any one thing out of everything, it all just ends up either leading to a topic I don't want to land on or starts out there so I'm kinda bummed. My not be cut out for it.

[Victoria'smom]

Try doing this.

[Syra]

Originally Posted by emptyspace

Try this.

Get in a place where there is no distractions. Turn off TV, music, whatever. Put two pieces of paper on a table or desk. Close your eyes, take a couple real deep breaths and then open your eyes and write the first thing that comes to mind on one piece of paper. Answer it on the other piece. Go back and forth about whatever comes out.
c
Example
Paper 1-------------------------------------- Paper 2
this is stupid ----------------------------------yeah, some idiot on PC suggested this
how will this help me in therapy -----------------who knows
i am getting angry at this exercise -------------- i always feel angry

Good luck.

Love It

[tinyrabbit]

Why not show him what you wrote in your first post?

[ECHOES]

Originally Posted by sackgasse

Thank you for all the replies. I'm trying everything, and will continue to. So far anger is still winning. I can't pick any one thing out of everything, it all just ends up either leading to a topic I don't want to land on or starts out there so I'm kinda bummed. My not be cut out for it.

My not be cut out for it.

Sure you are. Try not to be hard on yourself, or judgmental, because that will stop you as if you have pulled down a screen on your thoughts. But do keep talking with your therapist about your fears about talking.

My T would just tell me "start where you are". After my 9 months of not talking, I went in and told her that I was going to talk, even if it meant talking about making Christmas cookies ('twas the season). And that's what I did. I was really just giving myself permission to talk, and to talk about anything. I was frustrated too, and felt stupid, and felt unable, and thought I flitted about in my talking like a butterfly in a garden. (all of which I shared with my T).

It isn't unusual for one topic to lead to another. In fact, it is helpful to a therapist because they can see connections between the topics that we might not. I'm often surprised when my T will make connections, and I can see the common thread throughout the things I've been talking about.

Some sessions are more focused on something very specific, others are more general. All of them help my therapist know me better, to help me better.

Be kind to you and your thoughts. Both are wonderful and to learn about and from.

[rothfan6]

Originally Posted by sackgasse

I sit to try to write some things out and it's mass confusion in my head and I end up just getting extremely pissed off and have to walk away.

When I have a lot going around in my head and I just start writing everything down. Doesn't matter if its fragments or just words, feelings, unrelated to what im trying to explain just put it all down as you come to it. Then I go back and read through it and fill in the places that I can or delete stuff I don't feel like sharing. I jump around a lot too from past to present. It doesn't have to be a polished paper or crammed full of feelings, just whatever is in your head that you want to get out.