I get the feeling t needs me more than I need her

This is good progress for me after two years of therapy, at first I needed my t1 way too much but now I feel ready to maybe quit therapy or even have a long break at least!
I know a lot of you here don't like my t or don't agree with her behaviour (self disclosure, talking alot, encouraging me to be straight to make sure I was gay) but she has worked for me.
Lately however, I feel as though t needs me to come see her. She always tells me to ring her if I need her( I don't), she wants me to go to the same doctor as her, she told me to go see one of her pharmacy friends and she wants to help find me the right t college to attend next year, she offered to ring them and recommend me personally. This is all very nice and this time last year, I would have been delighted with this but now I am at a different stage and I need to do things myself to feel empowered, to take control of my own life!
I know she is trying to help but sometimes I feel like she treats me like her child or something, she always keeps me an extra 40 mins because she wants to talk afterwards- I really love t but she is not my mother and I need to tell her I can sort things out on my own! I got really sad just writing that!

Pass. .

I think she is massively overstepping the boundaries. Is she in private practice or does she have, like, a boss or something?

I understand how painfully sad you feel.

I am also horrified by your T's behavior and the degree to which it is undermining to you.

I agree. This doesn't sound right or ethical at all. I am wondering if your therapist has children or is she trying to fulfill that role with you?

I think a therapist has to be very careful not to persuade the client into something they don't need or want to do, especially since they are receiving money for this. I don't understand why she keeps you 40 mins after a session. That is practically a whole other session.

My therapist has never, ever made contact with me outside of sessions unless I have contacted her first because she could be seen to be trying to gain income from doing so. She is very, very tentative about suggesting extra sessions etc. as she does not want me to feel obliged to do it to please her or for any other reason.

I really think you should let your therapist know that you are coping much better on your own and feel you are at the point of being more independent now but thank her for helping you to get there.

This is your T who is also your teacher for T school, if I remember correctly? You wrote about a conflict here last week about your role as her client and as her student, and that seemed to upset you then. I think with this kind of dual role situation, this kind of thing is likely to continue to occur, especially if you don't discuss it with her. But since she's your teacher, her attempts at mentoring you, as it sounds like she's doing, might make you feel sad from your client perspective. I get why you feel that way, but I also think that it's important for you to be really clear about your dual roles and to let your T know that you feel upset.

I'm a little confused, I thought yoou were seeing a new t? Also, I didn't know she was your teacher as well as your t. I had a t who did with me before I knew it wasn't ethical, and yes it's complicated and there are good reasons why it's not ethical!
I also think she's really really overstepping the boundaries, particularly about keeping you 40 minutes after session, which as someone pointed out is like another session! And about wanting you to see her doctor and other things. I would tell her how you feel about all this and that you want and need more independence.

She is in private practice, no boss
I feel like she is undermining my ability to look after myself and see my progress too. I like her a lt though and I can also see she is trying to help. I am torn about it
She does have three children, I feel like she misses them a lt as she is always talking about them and how much she misses them. I know all of their names and what they do and which country they live in.
I have told my t that I am coping much better now and have shown her great progress lately - even my depression has improved- so she has helped me.
I do think that because I am in training to become a t, she thinks she can change the rules a bit and that would be ok but I am paying her for my therapy and I really needed her to be my t.

Hi Anne,
there seems to be some confusion. This t is not my teacher. She knows my two teachers and was a t teacher herself but she is not my T teacher, just my t. Maybe said something in my last post to indicate that. I gave up responding to my last post because I must have confused everybody because b the end of it, everyone thought she was my teacher. I would like to clarify that she is not my teacher. Sorry for the confusion.

Hi Adel,
I went to see a new t but she is really sick at the moment and will be out of office for the forseeable future until she recovers, so I continued to see old t. It is not ethical at all to have dual roles, between t and client. I wouldn't allow it- she is not my teacher she is just my t, even though sometimes it feels like she wants to be my teacher.

This is REALLY important and it seems that you aren't getting this with her.

Thank you Sannah, I am not getting it with her at all! I feel like she wants me to need her and be worse than I am

It seems like not long ago at all you were really not doing too well at all, mentally. There seems to have been a big change in you, i wondered what the catalyst for this was?
Was there something your current T did that helped with that?

If you don't know how long the other T will be off sick for, could you maybe find another T with similar training. Because as much as you love current T, you've never been satisfied with her way of working and have always voiced concern about her lax boundaries. Maybe it's time to move on?

Not long ago- before Christmas I was deep in depression and sui again. I have been feeling great lately, thats not to say this feeling will last.
My current t has helped me alter some unhelpful beliefs about myself, she has helped me see that I am a person of worth and that nobody can hurt me unless I let them. I have felt empowered at times from seeing her.
She has improved my depression by altering my thoughts to more positive ones. I have felt loved and supported by her and she believes in me- something no one else has ever done.
T has helped me see that I was in a very unhealthy relationship with my ex and I am worth more than that.
The only thing I have a problem with is her boundaries

Do you feel like you could put the boundaries in with her?

I can understand why you'd have a problem with her boundaries. Can you tell her this?

I am not sure, I mean she has been a t for over twenty years! Somehow I think she thinks this relationship is different. I can't tell her what to do but just what I need.

I don't think so because I don't want her to terminate me, I mean its a small price to pay for her help! I am confused about our relationship, we feel like friends

All excellent things to tell her.

I think a problem with boundaries is figuring out who the reasons belong to. Really this sounds like my mother - does it sound like yours? Trying to keep you helpless? Your t may have different motivations. but it you tell her how it FEELS, you can figure out the transference. I see my t acting like my mother all the time, but I'm wrong. Hope this helps.

I think it's a large price to pay, to not feel okay about being honest with your T about how something she is doing is making you feel. I'm not sure how therapeutic it is to feel as if you have to be silent. I mean, that pings all my old stuff-- not saying it's your stuff.

Personally, and of course I could be wrong, I think she would applaud if you were honest about how you feel.

Given that it is a training experience, but you are also supposed to be getting helped, I agree that it would be appropriate for you to thank her for what she has done for you. That said, then maybe add, "I believe I am now to the point where I need to be more independent with my life. I appreciate your being helpful by offering your guidance on (whatever), but....." Or something like that. I can't imagine she would terminate anybody for now being able to be more independent!

Yes, thats it exactly- transference. I don't see my t as my mother, maybe the mother I always wanted but she does not resemble any part of my mother. My mother does not want me helpless but rather her slave. She wants me to rally around her 24/7 and be at her beck and call. Maybe it is because my mother is so needy and maybe I detect a hint of that from t lately. Thanks Hankster, you have been most helpful

This is more about me though and not t. I have a huge problem with showing my true feelings. I have learned to hide them over the years and telling t this will be near impossible. She would applaud me and just last week she said someone told her she talks too much and it was on the tip of my tongue to say something but the words wouldn't come out.

Termination is a sore subject for me, purely because the last time I told t1 how I really felt- I fell in love with her, she terminated next session after promising me she would never go anywhere....maybe this is why I always hide my feelings