[suzzie]

is not telling anyone your in t. or why your in t. not trying. not being willing to move forward. i dont want to tell. but my t thinks if i dont im not trying. she said i dont/wont do anything she asks. should i be better at this. she also said i shouldnt worry if anyone sees my homework she gives. its about trauma stuff. she said that doesnt matter.

[precious things]

I don't agree with your T at all on this. It is no one else's business if you are in therapy and certainly not the reasons why...if you choose to open up and trust certain people in your life, that is up to you. You can move forward without having to announce to the world you are doing so. And in no way are you a failure for wanting to keep therapy to yourself...I think your T is wrong on this.

[stopdog]

I don't tell anyone I see a therapist. It is none of their business.

I agree... Therapy is personal. Suzzie

[rainbow8]

You're NOT a failure, suzzie. You're just going at your own pace. We're all different. I tell some people I'm in therapy without hesitating but there are others I'd never, ever tell. I know you don't have much choice in a T (isn't that correct?) or I'd suggest seeing someone else.

It sounds like she's pushing you too much. But I'm wondering. Have you tried ANY of her suggestions, or maybe you some better ones than what she's suggesting? Therapy takes time! I should know!

[taylor43]

Therapy is very personal, you are not a failure maybe time for a new t (((((((((((Hugs))))))))

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by suzzie

is not telling anyone your in t. or why your in t. not trying. not being willing to move forward. i dont want to tell. but my t thinks if i dont im not trying. she said i dont/wont do anything she asks. should i be better at this. she also said i shouldnt worry if anyone sees my homework she gives. its about trauma stuff. she said that doesnt matter.

These seem like odd things for a T to say. I am always banging on about this on these threads: first thing is to talk to your T and check you understood each other correctly. As I can tell you from personal experience that things can get lost in translation, you understand things differently, etc. Last week, I was absolutely convinced my T said I couldn't get comfortable as I'd get stuck. He said that was odd as he'd never say that, as he thinks getting comfortable in T is a good thing.

For the record, I don't think you should tell anyone unless you want to! Why should you? Ts aren't there to tell you what to do or emotionally blackmail you.

I think a good idea would be to go back and discuss this with your T. If she really means all this, she's wrong, in my opinion.

[Ike McCaslin]

I think it's your decision who to tell, if you tell anyone. I don't think you're a failure.

[Willowleaf]

You are so not a failure. I have been in therapy for 3 years and no one knows. My t doesn't think this is a problem and I often joke she is my big secret. We both know my friends and family wouldn't understand. Maybe if they did I wouldn't need therapy in the first place! It is up to you who and what you choose to tell people

[ECHOES]

You aren't a failure at all. Having a different opinion isn't about failing. It's just a natural occurrence.

I agree too, that therapy is personal, and the choice about who to share with - if anyone - profoundly personal.

Who does she think she is, to harass you about sharing your therapy?!
Did you ask her why it is so important to her??

Is this the old T or new T?

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by suzzie

is not telling anyone your in t. or why your in t. not trying. not being willing to move forward. i dont want to tell. but my t thinks if i dont im not trying. she said i dont/wont do anything she asks. should i be better at this. she also said i shouldnt worry if anyone sees my homework she gives. its about trauma stuff. she said that doesnt matter.

Personally - only two people, close friends, know I'm in T, and they only found out this year. I've been seeing this T for almost 4 years. For me, T is private, and it's no one else's business. I don't think that telling people you are in therapy is necessary for progress. Along those lines, any "homework" my T gives me is also intensely personal and private, and not something I'm going to want to share with others. It would bother me if someone else, especially someone I don't know or trust saw me working on it.

As for not doing what your T asks, well, only you can determine that. Are you taking in what your T tells you? Are you just not able to do these things yet, but actually taking it in and thinking about it? Are you actively resistant? If so, maybe that's something you need to explore with your T. Maybe it's time to talk about why she feels you're not doing things she suggests, and why you feel like you can't or won't do them. If you're not a danger to yourself or others, then T's can't force you to do anything. It's up to you to take in their advice and decide if it is something you feel like you can do and that would be helpful for you.

[adel34]

I don't see not telling people you're in t as not trying. Being in therapy is a very personal thing. For some people it's no big deal and they're very open about it. For others it's something they'd rather keep private. I think this is the client's choice to make, and for the therapist to say it doesn't matter is really insensitive! Same with the homework. If there were someone you felt comfortable sharing it with then that would be different, but you'd rather keep it to yourself. It's on a very sensitive private issue of trauma you've experienced so I think it's fine to keep it to yourself.
Maybe ask t for other examples of ways that you aren't doing what she asked, as these incidents don't really fall into that catagory for me.I hope she becomes more sensitive on this.

You are not a failure, we all love you!
<3

It is up to you who you tell about this, Your T sounds very pushy, It is trauma I would be very alarmed if my therapist told me to tell people that I was in therapy and no you're not a failure

[suzzie]

ive tried to do all of her suggestions. but she forgets sometimes that i showed her the last session. and assumes i didnt do it. or sometimes i dont understand what she wants. and have to wait till the next session to ask. but then its too late. or she gives hard homework. like ...write about what is trying to emerge....(i dont know)

this is my regular (old) t. i guess she said it because i made the mistake of telling her i wanted to throw the collage away. so no one would find it. i didnt know it would make her mad. i thought she wouldnt care. i had already shown it to her. but she didnt like it. i was like i didnt appreciate the work she was doing. but i just dont want anyone to find it.

i just keep making her mad. she said if youre not ready/willing (she said both this time) to do the work. then why are you in counseling. that translates to me. i dont want you here. i cant stand you. you dont deserve to be here. dont come back.

[ECHOES]

I think you might be in a kind of therapy that isn't really what you want. Or need.

My therapy is just talking. No homework, no guilting by the therapist or her making accusations about my desire to change; for her, therapy is done at the pace that is comfortable for the patient. Gosh, I said little and mostly cried for the first 9 months, and she encouraged me patiently, just giving me space to "be".

I wouldn't like being your therapist's client. She throws obstacles in a person's path, and I don't see how that can be helpful. Her approach isn't what I would want to be part of.

You are doing nothing wrong. At all. You are being you, and therapy should be a place to be you.

[Inedible]

Originally Posted by suzzie

is not telling anyone your in t. or why your in t. not trying. not being willing to move forward. i dont want to tell. but my t thinks if i dont im not trying. she said i dont/wont do anything she asks. should i be better at this. she also said i shouldnt worry if anyone sees my homework she gives. its about trauma stuff. she said that doesnt matter.

You just told us, and at least in part you told us the why. Does this count?

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

I think you might be in a kind of therapy that isn't really what you want. Or need.

My therapy is just talking. No homework, no guilting by the therapist or her making accusations about my desire to change; for her, therapy is done at the pace that is comfortable for the patient. Gosh, I said little and mostly cried for the first 9 months, and she encouraged me patiently, just giving me space to "be".

I wouldn't like being your therapist's client. She throws obstacles in a person's path, and I don't see how that can be helpful. Her approach isn't what I would want to be part of.

You are doing nothing wrong. At all. You are being you, and therapy should be a place to be you.

Totally agree with what you wrote. My therapy is mostly just talking...sometimes T will give "homework" but it's usually just asking me to think about something, or suggesting a book I might find helpful to read. T doesn't necessarily expect me to do these things, and doesn't ask for the results. Everything is at my pace. I'm hard enough on myself as it is...I don't need T doing that too. The one time that T pushed me too hard, we talked about it in the next session, and she apologized, agreed she was pushing too hard, and told me to just tell her to back off next time!