[refika]

So today I told T I know their personal info (spouse/children's names, approx ages, where they live, etc). I told T how I found out (reading their dissertation/public records).

I told T near the end of the session because it kind of came up as a result of a dream I had about T. I didn't really want to tell them, but the guilt was really affecting me. I feel better that I told them but now I'm petrified that T is really really angry with me and may drop me as a client. I don't know if i can handle that!!!

I have an appointment to see T in a few days, so that was good, and T said we will pick this up next time, so another good sign. Still, I can't help but think that what I did was so horrible that T is going to be angry and so disappointed with me that they won't want to see me again after that.

I guess I need some reassurance that this isn't the end of the world and we will probably just talk this out and everything will continue moving forward.

[learning1]

Your t allowed their dissertation to be publicly available, you didn't do anything wrong. S/he should probably be flattered you read it.

I agree with learning.... just because you did some homework shouldn't make it weird, the internet is available. I told my T and he was ok.

[nonamecomestomind]

I just cannot imagine that t will have that much problem with it. We live in 2013 and electronic information is out there. You aren't stalking t or anything like that, right? T should be fine, I bet mostly will ask you about what your motivation was.

[WePow]

You did right by telling. If you can work through this with T, you will have a very solid foundation. Alow T to have whatever emotions T will have. Trust the process. In the end, you will win either way. Worst case is termination... if that happens, it would be better to know now instead of later. But I think your T will know the right way to process through this with you. No doubt many clients do what you did but do not have the courage to tell about it.

[refika]

That is my biggest fear, termination...just when I feel like I'm starting to trust T and really make progress. I don't know what I would do if T dropped me....I've made some major (and overdue) decisions in my life based on the progress we made, and I'm confident in the decisions, but I need T's support to follow through on them. Part of me can't believe I was so stupid to tell T, but the other part of me couldn't live with the guilt any longer which is why I told T. I'm afraid T will think I'm some crazy stalker who will drive by T's house now or hang out in their neighborhood (which is not true, because the LAST thing I want is to bump into T outside of their office).

I don't know how I'm going to make it through until Friday when I see T again...

[Ike McCaslin]

It should be OK, refika. I told my PDOC I looked up her voter registration and creeped her facebook page. She said I did nothing wrong. Let us know how it goes.

[CantExplain]

In my experience, T's don't often get angry - and when they do, I don't understand why.

It's very sad.

[southpole]

Originally Posted by refika

That is my biggest fear, termination...just when I feel like I'm starting to trust T and really make progress. I don't know what I would do if T dropped me....I've made some major (and overdue) decisions in my life based on the progress we made, and I'm confident in the decisions, but I need T's support to follow through on them. Part of me can't believe I was so stupid to tell T, but the other part of me couldn't live with the guilt any longer which is why I told T. I'm afraid T will think I'm some crazy stalker who will drive by T's house now or hang out in their neighborhood (which is not true, because the LAST thing I want is to bump into T outside of their office).

I don't know how I'm going to make it through until Friday when I see T again...

I could have written this myself. I found some stuff out about T and told her because I felt guilty, actually had a bit of a panic about it because it felt so wrong! She said it didn't matter but I felt soo stupid for saying anything in the first place. So I spent the next few weeks pretending like nothing had happened and then I had to talk about it again, because it was weighing on my mind, and I'm soo glad I did. I feel like we can move forward now and that we can trust each other more.

What I remind myself of: you are not a stalker, it is normal and natural to want to know more about your T. You should be able to tell T about anything, even when it comes down to talking about them. It feels uncomfortable because it feels inappropriate to say these things but maybe it is just a new step into a deeper and more therapeutic relationship. AT least that's what I tell myself when I am worrying about it

[thawing]

I think the therapeutic relationship is so weird, because we are basically being asked to trust all of our thoughts, feelings and secrets to someone we know NOTHING about. There isn't really any other person we'd have that kind of relationship with. I think what you did is actually very understandable and it makes complete sense that you'd want to know whatever you could. x

[purplemystery]

I agree with everyone in that I think it's normal and that a lot of people may do it! I have found out a fair amount of info about my therapist. I think part of the reason I did it, and maybe you can relate, was that 1.) I was missing her and wanted to feel closer to her somehow, 2.) I know basically nothing about who she is and am afraid to trust her when I don't have the kind of info I usually have about people to make judgments, and 3.) I'm curious about what she truly thinks of me, and feel like I would know better about that if I knew who she was.

[refika]

Thank you for all the support and replies! T and I discussed this at our recent session. I was afraid to go back, I was so embarrassed and wanted to crawl in a hole. The worst part was T showed little to no emotion. I was expecting T to be angry with me, or annoyed, or at least say something scolding. Nothing...that made it worse for me.

T and I talked about my motives, which led to deeper examination of my issues, then we ended the session with T asking me if I was okay with everything (the situation) now or if it needed to be addressed further. I told T I was okay with it, but I really wanted to tell T to show some emotion but I've learned that T's (at least mine) show little or no emotion...

I guess the best thing T said to me was that we will continue to work through this incident, just like we worked through other times when I was really angry at T, and our relationship will continue to grow. That was nice to hear