Couch 48 - All are Welcome - really!

Mkac ... I felt like a loser because I couldn't wait to leave.
I am a downer right now. I probably need more sun, or veggies, or bit b12 or XT.

(vent/rant warning)

i am so mad. i swear my husband treats me like he thinks I am a child. I told him I was going to take my son out to get some clothes. Heaven forbid I did not ask, I told. "What are you going to use for money?" um, the money that's in the bank from my paycheck. "Well then I won't have money for gas this week." i'm not going to spend THAT much. He needs a couple new shirts, that's all. "Can't you wait until you get paid Friday?" Fine.

Nothing like having to ask permission to spend money you work for yourself. Screw him. Part of me is thinking maybe I need to go back on my meds if this is making me mad. But then another part of me says NO, when you're on meds, you don't care that he treats you like a child, so it's about time you stand up for yourself.

I don't know what to think. I don't like how the meds dulled my feeling and creativity and those things are necessary for a mentally healthy me. But they also make me not care that he treats me like a child, which makes the home front a more harmonious place.

This brings me to an interesting curiosity, does one partner going to therapy often lead to separation/divorce? I have never considered the D word before this year. But I am seriously fed up with my h right now and in the last 3 months, he makes me feel miserable more often than he makes me feel happy. I asked him to go to marriage counseling with me but he refuses. He is of course perfect (in his mind). I am so sick of his face right now I could scream!!!!!!

(vent/rant over)

Art... I'm therapy and mid divorce. So there is truth to that statement.

((( artemis )))

When I first went to therapy, it was to save my marriage, and it ended up helping to lead it quickly to a divorce.

My exH said that T ruined our marriage. I disagree. It helped me to get better in touch with my feelings and to regain my power in life. I too used to be on medication for years that helped dull my feelings - and I preferred to take the medication so that I could tolerate my life and marriage. That ultimately proved to not be a very good choice as it left me complacent in an unhealthy situation.

I also learned in T that when we work towards evolving, the relationships IRL are affected...kind of a jolt, in a sense, to whatever harmony there was. Some people are able to grow and evolve alongside us....others adapt to the changes...and some separate.

At least when I had XT I could text almost any time, day or night and get a response. I could email stupid sh it and he would respond. His voice on the phone always calmed me down. And he knew my past. Well pieces of my past.

But he was an ahole who tried to tell me what to do and I sister on touching my back.

I'm sorry you're going through that Lola. I'm really behind on the couch lately but thought I'd caught wind of something going on. It really sucks, that getting healthy inside ourselves can cause such upheaval outside ourselves. I guess I know what I'll be talking about with t this week. I guess my marriage has never been right from the start - since I was never right - until now if that makes any sense. But I can't go back to being the mousy little submissive that I was just to make my marriage 'nice' again. H is not a bad person, now that I got that out of my system, I really think it's more that I've kind of thrown a curve ball at him, becoming a more assertive, self-sufficient woman that is pretty different (albeit better and healthier!!) than the woman he married almost 16 years ago. I don't know what the answer is. The only part of the answer I know is that I am not going back to the way I was. Not.going.to.happen. hugs to you Lola.

Oh../and Artie: t improved my marriage.

Wow, MKAC. I really appreciate your response as it gives me a whole lot to consider. An eye opener, really. Thank you.

Thanks for this MUE. I'll keep this in mind - it has been kind of a jolt to H I am sure. I have never asked him how he felt about the changes I have been making in myself. He's not a bad person, I think you're right, he's been jolted out of the harmony (however medicated it was) and to be fair I have never sat down and talked with him about it and told him that I would like it if he would evolve alongside me....thank you MUE.....

hi peeps,sorry so many of you are having a horrible sunday.

wiki-i hate being the center of attention also . are you having the good weather we are? maybe it would be a good idea to get away and go for a hike with the babies and get out in the sun. it is horrible being so depressed

i have all of my stuff in the ground and some of my irisis seperated and moved around .anyone want some irisis i have way to many

Wow, I am glad you took that way the way I meant it (I hope), MUE, because re-reading it, it sounds so much harsher than I meant. I think you're funny and smart and a wonderful person, and I was worried about how much (it seems to me) that you hurt yourself in trying to please others and do what other expect from you.

I am so VERY glad I deleted the harsh post I was going to submit when the one I was trying to be nice in sounded that harsh. LOL.

Thanks for this wiki. my h is not a bad person at all and at the moment now that I got the rant outta my system I still think my marriage is worth fighting for, i think I need to share with him how i feel about the meds and how they dulled things inside me and how I don't want that anymore.

falcon chicks are hatching i think there are two right now .you can watch them live here but mom seems to just be sitting on them but you can see them being fed if you get on at the right time. they are fun when they get older. if you click on arrows on the bottom right it will bring it full screen

W.E.B. Du Bois Falcons

omg dad is there so cool

the babies are awsome

Wiki... we seem to be in the same boat with our xTs... anytime I get really close to writing an email...I list all the stupid things he would do...it seems to help... but I've gone as far as to call his office number (in middle of night) to listen to his voicemail message...totally pathetic.

there is also a part of me that feels like a failure because I couldn't do therapy right with him...

Wow, I took a nap. Hopefully I will still sleep tonight. T responded to my email. She said he (the bus driver) is creating a hostile work environment and I should report it to his supervisor. She pointed out that after a few days, they usually require medical proof for using sick leave (though we have something called personal charged to sick that I think can be used for personal reasons), so I may not be able to use it for the rest of the school year. She said it would be a passive aggressive thing to do at my expense. She said I shouldn't have to use my sick time to avoid him.

She said he is breaking the law by creating a hositle work environment for me and treating the students poorly (don't get me started on that). She really thinks that I should report him and request to be transfered to another bus. It's a good suggestion, but I've reported him before (for flicking cars off and yelling asshole while students were on the bus) and they gave him a slap on the hand and then he lashed out at me for reporting him. I don't think they could transfer me to another bus as it's so close to the end of the school year, they would just tell me to deal with it.

I don't know what to do now.

babies want food lol

dad is feeding them

Report him and stand up to him. Record him if you can. I think one needs to stand up to the bully. This is more of a problem than flipping off cars etc. this is a hostile thing at you.

Wow Squirrel1983, that guy sounds horrible. Although I would be terrified and would want to avoid conflict with this a-hole, I agree that reporting him is a good idea. It's not right for him to treat you or anyone else that way.

Ugh!!!!!(sorry for the excessive punctuation SD)
I have already sent T a number of stupid whiny emails over the past few days and it is all I can do not to text him and beg him to call me. WTF is my problem? How hard is it to just suck it up and snap out it? Sounds simple enough and yet I can't seem to manage to get my head out of my ***** and just do it.

Okay, so just to point out how bad it is, I will point out some of the things ths asshole is doing to students. All of the students on the bus are special needs (either autistic or intellectually disabled), so that makes it worse in my mind.

He told one student, she needed to be ready to board the bus when he got there, not walking down her driveway or he would leave her next time. He told another boy that he needed to quit putting toys in his backpack or he wouldn't be allowed to bring his backpack on the bus anymore. He told even another kid that he should be walking to school because he lives so close and his parents are just "using" the system asking for a bus for him.

Give me a break...walking down the driveway (it's a short driveway, not like she lives on a farm or something) is ready when the bus got there, it would be dangerous to wait closer to the street. So, the kid wants to bring toys to school...not like it is a toy gun or something...it's just hotwheels and things like that. If the school/teacher doesn't mind (since the kids get 30 minutes of free-time to play each day in our class) why does the bu driver care. It's not like the kid is playing with them on the bus and causing a disturbance. And to tell the kid he should be walking when he'd have to cross a 4 lane road to get to school when he has an IQ of 60 is just not right. He has an IEP, and qualifies to get a bus even if he is close enough to walk.

And that only scratches the surface. He complains to 2 of the kids that they stink and need to learn about personal hygeine because they are making him sick. One of the kids lives in a house where both parents are chain smokers, so yes she smells like smoke, but that's not her fault. Another student will have accidents at school and poop his pants. We have him change his clothes, but he has to bag up the dirty ones and take them home, so yes he does smell like poop sometimes in the afternoon, but he can't help it. These are special needs students, they need to be given a little more consideration/slack then an everyday middle schooler.

Maybe I can talk to one of the other aides and try to swap buses with her for the rest of the year. Though, she likes her driver, so she may not be willing to go to Mr. Asshole for 12 days.

1.Everyone's got challenges. No one is impervious to life's curve balls.
2.Anyone that judges you should be immediately dismissed.
3.From my deceased Dad and ROCKY BALBOA: " It's not how hard you can hit.
It's how hard you can get hit, and get back up, and move forward".

4.As far as WHO you , or anyone that perceives who you are. This is MY belief on this:

You're not who you WERE, you're not who you think you're GONNA BE, you are who you are TODAY. (Past or Future are irrelevant ). PERIOD

5. And Lastly:
Whatever it may be that has happened to you, whether someone did it to you , or you simply made a bad choice , and paid the consequence, or life just threw you a curve ball that you have to deal with...Remember This:

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, BUT IT IS YOUR "RESPONSIBILITY TO RECOVER" BY TAKING THAT FIRST BABY STEP EVERYDAY, "ONE DAY AT A TIME"

Sad_Dad > OUT

__________________
If you love me, I'm in your heart.
If you hate me, I'm in your mind.
Either way, you're thinking of me!

Wow, I feel better now that I ranted.