Couch 48 - All are Welcome - really!

I mentioned to T in my first email that the bus driver reminds me of my father sometimes with the way he treats me/other people. She agreed that it sounded that way. Why do a lot of the men I have to deal with have to be assholes? It's almost as if life is telling me I derserve to be treated poorly. All of my boyfriends in hs and college were a-holes.

Maybe I should take t's advice and think calming thoughts. Maybe I should make a list of men in my life who are not a-holes:

the principal at my school
my pastor

Wow, that's all that I can think of. Hmm.... Why do I have such a problem with men. Yes there are female a-holes in my life too, but the number of men outweigh the number of women.

I need to relax and think calming thoughts. Think calming thoughts. Ack! It's not working. It's easier said than done.

Wow, squirrel - that bus driver needs to be told not to talk to the students. He's bullying them. He is a jerk.

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Well, I had half of my dinner. I had my green beans and mac and cheese. I failed to put the frozen chicken in the fridge last night (or this morning), so it is still cooking. Has 20 minutes left. Oh well...nothing wrong with eating food in "shifts".

Hi Sila....its good to see you.

I know I do!

Maybe the euphoria of your remission has worn off?

Just tell me that it WILL get better

It will Lola.. (((hugs)))

((Lola)) It is so hard but it will get better.

So what's everyone doing? I need to get away .... We have a broken pipe in a wall, the ax was fixed last week. When it rains it pours.

Stupid mother. She said I am being unreasonable for not wanting to ride the bus, that the bus driver has a right to talk to the kids if they are doing things he doesn't like and that I need to support him in his views as his attendant. WTF?!?

Yes, T sort of told me "not" to use my sick time as well...but at least she validated my frustration and sided with me that the bus driver sounds like a jerk and that I should report him. At least she was helpful. Unlike my mother lately.

Mom said there is only 13 days of school left...just deal with what I don't like because I am judging him too harshly. Argh!

I am POed now. I was frustrated, but now I am just flat out POed. How dare she say I am being unreasonable and side with the jerk. Why must my mom be so unpredictable? Sometimes she sides with me, other times she says I am being unreasonable. I never know which way she is going to go. So annoying.

I feel the need to email T again and vent my frustration about my mom, but all she will tell me to do is think calming thoughts. Not much she can do over email. I don't see her again for another 3 weeks. I hate going so long in between appointments, but she will be out of town 2 weeks from my last appointment. 3 weeks from my last appointment is exam week at school, so I can't go into work late. So we had to go with 4 weeks. It's so long to wait.

Maybe you can explain it to me!

lola it will get better

And mine!

Ok I don't plan on any long term relationships for a long time... I'm just gonna play the field. That is my plan .... Should I go with online dating ?

I know this feeling.

We go to therapy when we realise that "sucking it up" and "snapping out of it" doesn't work.

Hey CE

MISS U WIKI. .... Granite , squirrel Murray

I'm sorry I've been such a self indulgent needy baby lately ... I'm going to try to be less taking and more giving.

I personally think during and right after a break up is a time to stop and be with myself for a bit. To decide what I thought worked and did not work before, and what I want now. For me, jumping right back into dating while still going through a break up has not been a successful plan. It was a distraction, but kept me from some things I needed to do first.

And it does get better. A person really does not need a partner/date/spouse to be okay.

Just for play not for real. no uhaul's in my future

... here ever after I'm after whatever the other life brings.

(Lola) you have not been that way at all. Please don't be sorry you have been going through some huge life changes and you have still been so generous and giving.

LC -I know you said not seriously. I am merely suggesting doing other things to get yourself centered besides dating might be a good plan. Dating of any sort. You keep indicating you don't really know who you are and what you want and that you were kissed (as in acted upon - not a choice by you) by another woman recently. I am suggesting perhaps that you need to not let yourself be acted upon, that thinking about the types of choices for you that would be best for you, in your best interest, and help you to look to long term good for you, might be best done without dating right now. It seems to me, and I could be very wrong, that you get distracted and caught up in other people as distraction from taking care of and making choices for you and being responsible for just you. Dating will, as well as things like drinking too much, one night stands (I am not saying you want to do these = these are just examples) in my opinion, get in the way of that.
It is just my thought, I could be wrong. I am not trying to be mean or a downer, just that I think stopping and just figuring you out for a bit could be useful.

I get that.... How much is a live in nanny?