Couch 48 - All are Welcome - really!

I'm here and feeling very wise!

I'm having a difficult time deciding if T is working... so I like how you discuss your relationship with your T...what type of therapy does he do... psychodynamic, CBT,etc?

My xT did psychodynamic and my current T is more CBT....

ughhh... I guess I need to hear your experience if you are willing to share... why is this T this time working for you and your others didn't

Okay... I'm just having a hard time tonight...

He's probably more psychodynamic. Altho he knows if I say I'm going to do something, it probably takes me a month to really get started. So he can't give me a homework assignment and expect it to get done. I have to cogitate on it. Do the laundry for it. Build the plans for it. I'm the opposite of just do it. Unless it's call emergency - that I can just do! Or buy pie.

Eta: it's working this time because (this I can answer!):
1. I stopped talking to my family. Ts have been begging me to do this for 40 years. What good Italian girl does this?? Turns out, nobody has thought of me as a good Italian girl since I as born or before. I don't know what happened exactly - nobody's talking. Anyway, I am finally - too late - putting myself first.

2. We spent a lot of time talkng about what went wrong with prev ts and how it was still going wrong.

3. I finally started doing scary stuff like asking for water and asking for appointment time changes.

4. I read a lot of books.

More questions? I could should prolly write a book aaboutit.

so when you talk about something that hurt you (from childhood perhaps or other time) how does he react? is he silent? does he say something like that must have been painful? or what?

Once after I told xT about what my childhood was like (broad highlevel examples) he used the word abuse... it took me a long time to let that sink in but then later when I told him of a more specific incident he said nothing...nothing at all...made me feel stupid for telling him...

Now current T is trying to go down the path of the past and I'm not feeling like going with her....

He's right in there with me. it's like we are both trying to describe the taste of a food we are eating. He is in the experience with me. Did you feel x? No it was more like y.he gets madder at my parents than I do, which surprises me but I don't mind. He FINALLY let me call myself stupid last week, for letting my FOO trick me again and again.

Wow... that wasn't my experience at all... I felt so alone after telling him and he didn't say anything...

on bad nights like tonight... I miss xT ... at one point I really felt like he cared and I could trust him... not something I've felt with anyone...but then I just try to remind myself of all of these incidents where he hurt me to keep myself from emailing him...which I desperately want to do...

current T is a woman (which I at first had no desire to see) and I have no fear of ever getting too close to her... she is more like a current day consultant... helping me with boundaries (which I suck at) and anxiety, etc... but she keeps getting into the depression is anger turned inwards... and needing to talk about past..

Wanting to talk about the past and the depression anger thing seems more psychodynamic than cbt. What do you mean by day counselor? How would you describe or change a typical session?

Anyone else up?

I just mean I stick to current day stuff...

Well she usually asks about my week... about my moods... we do talk about anxiety issues I have... and about not knowing how I feel... we look at a feelings chart a lot because I can never seem to find words to describe how something that happened this week made me feel... we talk some about my marriage and issues I'm having with H...

changes... not sure of what I would want to change just not sure I want to walk down the past with this T... it didn't help with xT and he I atleast felt some connection with...

yep...still baking

ever since this depression has kicked in... I've even lost my ability to be sarcastic... that was the only sense of humor I had... now I'm just dull

Sounds like she has picked up on your sense of helplessness and is unconsciously being helpless back at ya? I'm not picking up that she has any oomph, any drive, is solution driven at all.

There is an upside to depression.... When I am angry or hurt or anxious... I will over eat... but once I get to the point of feeling defeated... I stop eating all together...have gone days... but since I'm overweight its actually not a bad thing..

she told me to read the boundaries in marriage book again... she asks me why I don't share my feelings with my H... she said something that I'm not sure I understand what she meant...

We were talking about how to use boundaries with a prior example of a time when H did something that was upsetting to me and he didn't alter his actions even after I asked... and she said that I should have told him after the fact (calmed down) that I wanted to talk about it and when was a good time... If H avoids (which is what he does) then "the relationship does not progress from there" (what exactly does that mean in real life) until H decides he is willing to talk it over with me.

Will you be seeing her in the summer? Maybe you can set some summer goals.

What didn't you understand?

Thanks Hankster... maybe I will think about setting shorter term goals.. I only see T every other week because my H is going to counseling too and we both pay out of pocket.

good night...my baking is done and I can go to bed now.

Then the relationship does not progress - can mean anything or nothing. I would tend to see it more as a t's hypothetical - the relationship does not improve, it's in a holding pattern so it might get a little worse. As a fishwife I would see it as, I'm not going to sleep with you until you resolve this to my liking. Then as a battered husband seeking revenge, I would drive recklessly the next time I got a chance. Bad pattern. Do you have any dr phil books about how to work stuff outt?

Eta: night-night!

Hankster...that is what I thought she was saying but I didn't ask... I was thinking so does that mean no sex cause although I would have no problem with that my H would since he is a recovering porn addict and i'm the only legal thing he's got (or so that is how his mind works)

I really don't need his "falling off the wagon" blamed on me...

20 seconds of courage?

happy sunday all
wiki dont kill the mother (just saying)

today i am planting all the herbs i got friday

Good morning, granite! Enjoy planting the herbs! Sounds like fun!

((( RTS )))

I'm wondering if you feel a sense of shame about the lack of reaction you got from T about discussing your past. Like, you're interpreting the lack of response as minimizing. I'd imagine it would be worthwhile for you to talk to T directly about your perceptions and fears.


Good morning, couch peeps. Another beautiful day here. Gotta get my butt ready to go to the church bake sale.

Good morning! Checking out a new church this morning.