Couch 48 - All are Welcome - really!

Sitting in the sun in the garden this morning and watching giro d'italia later today. Good day. So still thinking a lot, but it doesnt feel like a burden anymore like it did for a few days.

Morning Couch. Went to bed early last night, so I woke up at the crack of dawn this morning. Ugh! I am not really a morning person.

Still waiting for a reply from T. Hopefully, I will get one today so I know what to do tomorrow. :| At least she lets me email between sessions if I need to...if she didn't I'd be SOL.

Need to clean the kitty poop box today, since I neglected to yesterday. It is starting to smell bad. My cats will thank me for giving them a fresh place to do their business.

I'll be in and out today. No plans really. Except going to buy stuff for lunches this week.

Have a happy Sunday.

Thanks MUE that would have been good advice for me to have listened to (sure I probably got it at the time to) a year ago... but that was xT and while I could go back to him at any time... I doubt he would even remember that incident let alone my issues...

That experience makes me feel reserved and anxious about sharing anything about the past with current T.

RTS - In my opinion -what husband does around porn is not because of you. He can blame you for his choices if he wants, BUT you don't have to accept that blame. (this is a boundary thing, in my opinion). You cannot stop what he or anyone else does really, just what you do.

Hi everyone. Must be something in the air, because I really want my XT too.

Really depressed. Really, really depressed. Want to go sob somewhere alone. Going to take off by myself after church. May have to kill mother.

microwave meals for lunch bought
toilet paper bought
kitty food bought

Here I go buying things again...but at least this time it is things I actually needed.

In my house, an absence of cat food would be intolerable. They have much stronger wills than I do.

SD, H doesn't blame me... I blame me...

I'm starting to understand what CE's T meant about accepting powerlessness ...

I've tried writing more but it wouldn't make sense to anyone else...just lets say its easier to think its something I can fix/change then that its just that he doesn't love me because I'm not loveable...not enough...

This article is interesting....
http://www.psychologytoday.com/colle...-common-wounds

have you ever noticed that none of these type of articles tell you what to do to change it... to change yourself...

RTS - is therapist trying to help you not blame yourself? I agree it is easier to think most things are something that is one's fault because then there is some control over it. I just don't think it is true when it comes to other people. I am sorry you are having such a hard time.

In the comments section, the author responds to the "what to do about it" with this info:

"But Dr. Karyl McBride who also blogs on this site ("The Legacy of Distorted Love") and is an expert on narcissism has a program of recovery steps. Her book is called WILL I EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH" and her blog post has all the links to her book and website"

I had 2 things I didn't want to talk about with new T was my past and my H's porn addiction... 2 things that didn't go well with xT...

once when I told xT I thought I wanted to quit...he told me that I should go try someone different because that is the only way to see if its the T or the client...

well its me the client... (although xT had some bad habits) I don't know I just suck at trusting and sharing my feelings...

Wow, it's boring when you wake up "early". I can't find anything to do. Nothing on TV, no new emails, can't find anything to do online. Man I need to get some hobbies.

You can't find a single nut job here? I find that hard to believe.

Nut ball? Did I read that?

Uh... no...

Please consider going ahead and telling her. Having relatives tell me about horrifying things they remember my mother doing to me or around me really helped me to realize I am not crazy, and those weird dreams were actually memories.

Please read what I say in light of the fact that I LIKE you, and I am coming from a place of liking you and being frustrated FOR you. You DO NOT HAVE TO DO THIS. **** your T and his jewelry purchase. You have an absolute right to say NO. Just don't do it. Don't do it "reluctantly" and don't be hateful. Just say NO. No. I choose not to do this thing that I don't want to do and that is not good for ME. You do this to yourself ALL THE TIME. And YOU do it to you. YOU choose to keep doing things you are resentful about. And then you get migraines and cannot figure out why. The hatefulness and resentment, in my opinion, fuel the migraines and the horrible physical problems you have. It's time to take care of YOURSELF and just refuse to do things you feel resentful and horrible about.

I agree with this entirely!

I am so very sorry you are feeling depressed Wikid. Is there anything we can do?

good morning couch! man i slept like a rock last night, so needed it! A couple hours before bed I listened to a shamanic journey cd and it was soooooooo calming and relaxing. I love that kind of thing, t told me about it actually, I was describing to her an active imagination that i had done one time and she said "that sounds more like a shamanic journey" and that intrigued me so much I started doing research into the subject, I finally found a CD that sounded promising (Sandra Ingerman). she does the drumming/rattling and then also talks you through the process. I think it's kind of like guided meditation. Anyway I really enjoyed it - I did it out in my backyard under the tree, laid a blanket on the ground, and laid down looking up at the stars until the point you close your eyes. Totally cool. I love this kind of stuff. I slept so good last night I didn't even wake up to pee, which is amazing. hope everyone has a good day. I'm off to take my son clothes shopping. His request - I figure, if HE actually wants to go, I better not pass up this opportunity!

Sounds like my cats - they woke us up this morning howling at the foot of the bed cuz their food bowl was empty!

Maybe it's because I'm sick, but feeling really touchy and irritable. I should get back off the forum. Stuff on other threads just ticking me off.

(Ready) I am so sorry that you are struggling with these issues. My ex had a porn issue and when I found out it was very difficult for me to handle. I did a lot of self blame, had a ton of guilt and shame and it brought up lots of past childhood issues for me. It is so sad that your exT didn't handle it well. Knowing how much I was affected by this issue, I would hope that you could talk to your current T about it and I really hope you would get a better response.

Seriously mkac...I thought it was just me! Ick! Threads are making me want to poke my eyes out.

Peeps at church had a cake and gifts for me. I feel like such a looser.

No, it's nice, Wikid! They clearly care about you and see your value and that you are NOT a loser. Big hugs.

(((Ready)))

I am reading, and my heart aches for you. The pain and rejection a woman feels when their partner turns to something or someone else for sex is bad. It's humiliating and hurtful. So sorry you have gone thru that.

Wiki I completely agree with MKAC.