Couch 48 - All are Welcome - really!

You know you are insane when the only time you feel sane is when you are alone.

Thanks for asking, RTS.

I called him 3 times, and each time, the line didn't ring and when saying "Hello" my voice echoed loudly - although the call registered as going through.

So, I am waiting and will try again shortly. I just want to get it over with.

Hi all. I am looking for some advice this evening. I am really not sure if I should go to group next week. The person that usually runs it will be gone and there will be another t there. The idea is really freaking me out. Because of the nature of the group it is like I am sharing a huge secret to some random person, even if I don't say a word while I am there. She will automatically know that X is something that happened to me. Though, if I don't go, I know I will feel guilty and be angry with myself. Can someone please tell me that it is not that big of a deal, and that I need to be an adult about it and just go? I don't want to fester over this for the next 5 days.

So I generally never think of myself as being "triggered" and I am not even sure what exactly I would call being "triggered" (and I know it has been a topic of debate before), but I think that maybe that is the correct word in this case. Sorry, not being clear, I know. So disoriented and keep having these stupid images and things flashing into my head and I am consumed with shame and self loathing and know that I will never ever be clean and need to keep myself away from decent people so I don't contaminate them....ugh....sorry.

Murray - I know that feeling well, and I am sorry that you are experiencing it right now. For me it's not as much that I fear I will contaminate others, but that they view me as gross and dirty. Maybe listening to some music or lighting some scented candles might help. I've also been told that peppermint tea is something good to have when this is happening.

Hi Trdleblue....that's a hard one. I know I would have difficulty going if I knew my regular T would not be there....but I would also be curious how a different T would do things. I think I would have to tell myself...its okay to go and if I'm totally uncomfortable....It's okay to get up and leave.

TW: self harm


I've just spent the past few days trying to deal with such intense feelings about my T, sometimes it physically hurts. I've also sent stupid irrelevent texts to him. I sway between erotic fantasies about him to fantasies of smashing his head against a wall. I don't see him for 2 weeks but these feelings are paralysing, literally. As well as the anxiety that goes with them. AAAARRRGGGHHH! I feel so bad I just wanted to stick a cigarette in my eye. I won't, I promise.

Oh Murray. I'm feeling for you.

No makes perfect sense to me. Cats make excellent Ts.

Hi couch friends,
T today was interesting. Still processing what happened. Somehow I blurted out that sometimes I do things to appease her because I feel like I am being challenged. Where the heck did that come from It was true probably a year ago up until this December or January, but now not so much. But it still came spewing out of my mouth. Ugh. And we talked about where to take sessions from here and about some medical follow-up tests I have to have in June. I was tired after that.

SD - Excessive exclamations -mainly more than one in a row- are a pet peeve for me at work. We have one person who seems go overboard in all her articles for our newsletter. I just delete all but one and move on.

here's the sand tray granite



i visited the 'shadow side' (the right hand side) in an active imagination the other night and that brought out a whole lot of stuff that I really needed to start dealing with with t. she gave me homework, to do 4 more sand trays before next wednesday. I told her I was ahead of her, as I've already done another one since this one I just didn't share a pic with her. So I have 3 more to go. I really get a lot out of the sand tray therapy and the Active Imagination technique too. It's incredible. My sand tray set isn't anywhere near as elaborate as the one t has, I'm building a collection of miniatures slowly over time and don't have very much stuff yet but it's enough for me to create with and for t and i to make sense out of them. Days like today I miss the physical her SO much.... I thankful for having phone sessions, don't get me wrong, but I so miss having her in person.

hello...anybody awake

Me!

Hola Chica!~

Hows things on the domestic front LC?

well I could have went home tonight and instead I went out with a straight co worker. Good times Good times....... I may f it all up tomorrow, I have to leave here in like 3 hrs to make it home in time to make my meeting.... Being a grown up sucks.....

Just out of curiosity....

How many straight women find another chick they know attractive? Straight women love me.... LOL

Could you translate please. Its "hello" somethign maybe girl?

I find lots of other women attractive. I feel sexuality is a continuum and I slide up and down it. if that makes sense.

its spanish.... hey chick

I agree its a spectrum... I'm a soft butch... so apparently straight or bi curious women like that... great for me in the short term....

Thanks makes me feel young.

you are young

Half 90 and thats how young I am.

Feeling good about breaking my own rule about smoking in my room.

Im in a smoking room of a hotel and everybody but me hates that!

I'm too lazy to look back, is Granite ok?