[sittingatwatersedge]

just about at very end of last session T said something about, "we've tried a lot of things... journaling..." I don't remember what came in the middle because what she finished up with blew me away so completely ... "you don't write notes & bring them in here any more, because you feel so... threatened."

I stared at her and just blinked.

then I reached into my tote bag and pulled out my note pad, and showed her that I did bring notes. She looked startled, and mumbled something like, but you didn't refer to them all this time.
well no i didn't; I didn't need to. I looked over the list and said, and I hit all of them, except for this one about ____ that I decided not to talk about.

Wassup folks?
==============================
ETA: Eighteen reads so far, and not a word of any kind, from anyone. :-(

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

ETA: Eighteen reads so far, and not a word of any kind, from anyone. :-(

I really prefer it when OP's post again and ask politely for replies, rather than go for the passive aggressive approach. Most threads get way more reads than replies, there is nothing unusual about 18 and 0.

But on the larger issue, it seems that your T is doing that thing that the "common people" do, which is making over-interpretations about your behavior and, consequently, being wrong. How many times have you seen people post "it's been 2 hours and my T hasn't emailed me back. She must hate me and be planning to terminate me." It seems to me that your T did this same thing, assuming that since she didn't see your notepad, you weren't bringing in your notes, and then making an interpretation as to why you didn't do it, when in fact you did. Kind of like the T version of the economist who predicts the economy will take a serious downturn, then has egg on his or her face when things actually improve. She was wrong.

Seems to me that the larger question is about whether or not you need to have a larger conversation with her about what she said. Maybe she "feels" the interpretation that you feel threatened in T (do you feel threatened in T?) even though she got the behavior linked to it wrong. Maybe it was just the only concrete thing she could point to that justified her feeling that you are feeling wary of her or T (maybe that's just another way of saying, she feels that you don't trust her), or that you're guarded. Maybe that's the conversation that would be useful for you to have with her, if you find it upsetting that she thinks you don't trust her.

[likelife]

Do you feel threatened, or was your T coming from left field on that one?

I agree with Anne that, if you're not feeling that way, your T made a poor interpretation.

What seems more difficult to me (from my position of only reading your sentences) is having a conversation that starts with "We've tried so many things..." That sounds kind of hopeless on the Ts part, but I know that I'm lacking context here.

[winter4me]

t is human. probably should have asked about the notes. just curious, if you routinely did bring and refer to notes, why did you start to keep them hidden and not say anything? passive aggressive? (i can hear a thought "go ahead, ask about the notes."...)---just sounds like you see it as a reason for anger and i wonder why. or were you hurt by the remarks you don't recall? i'm all over the place here and don't expect answers, just being rhetorical...
did you feel she thought you were not doing well? wasn't satisfied? was dismissive?
i ask because i have known myself to do such things in the past, set up silent challenges...or react with anger when hurt.

[Asiablue]

You've written what happened but i'm unsure of how you feel about what she said, are you annoyed, confused, curious? Can you give more details of how what she said affected you, then maybe i can respond appropriately. I'm be interested to know why you stopped taking your journal in?

Maybe T was wrong in her assumption why you didn't refer to the notes, but it's not unusual for Ts to make observations about our behaviour or changes in it...

Are you angry with her for making the observation? Or the assumption? Or if not angry how it is that you do feel? It's hard to tell from your post.. Not sure what kind of response you're looking for..?

How come you don't take out your notepad anymore? Do you not write as many notes now? I used to take in an art journal but stopped when I started feeling too vulnerable...

[stopdog]

I could not tell whether you thought the therapist was trying to give you a compliment by saying you did not seem as scared or if she was saying you were so scared now you did not do the journal. Do you feel more scared now or is it because you are more relaxed?
I just don't understand the question.

[pbutton]

I didn't respond because I don't feel like I understand the post. Do you feel threatened?

[tinyrabbit]

Interesting. I stopped bringing notes when I felt less threatened...

[skysblue]

Seems strange to me that a therapist would make a pronouncement like that. It would seem a better approach would be to make a gentle inquiry like ' "I notice you don't bring in your notes. Can you share with me what that's about?"

Also in my experience, it's better that a therapist leads a client to an observation about themselves instead of proclaiming what the client may or may not be feeling. idk - just MY experience.

I don't understand the post. Sorry.

[Perna]

It looks like your behavior has changed and you have not discussed it. You are "hiding" your notes instead of referring to them as you use to and/or doing your own thing and not keeping her clued in, your T feels left out in some way? Did you do an "I'm trying to think about and remember what I want to discuss instead of referring to my notes all the time," discussion/brag? If you do some action consistently and then "stop", it is not unusual to think you have stopped doing that and if you stop doing something, presumably it is because you have decided it is not worth doing. I would pay more attention to letting T know "where" I am, what I'm trying, what seems to be working, what isn't, etc.?

[granite1]

hey sawe i just didnt see your post untill now (hugs)
i am not sure what you were feeling about your post .maybe that is the point .you had no idea what your T was up to with all this . maybe you could post a bit more about what is going on .

[nicoleflynn]

therapists aren't supposed to tell you how you feel. She should have ASKED if you felt that way.

[sittingatwatersedge]

>> if you routinely did bring and refer to notes,
but I don't, not routinely; if I have some thing(s) I need to ask, or talk about, & not leave without it, yes I do write them; but I would say I use them less often, rather than more.

>> why did you start to keep them hidden and not say anything?
I didn't "keep them hidden", i carried them in with me, in the tote bag, and didn't need them. I don't think I have to say whether or not I have them, or have to use them or not; they're my notes after all.
Today I feel like asking her, what am i supposed to do, pin them to my shirt? Bring them out with a flourish and wave them around? Bring them in on a 18/24 card labeled NOTES ? Sheesh, I use a little 1.5x3 spiral pad and I write a few things. Not always that.

>> passive aggressive?
nope, you may be thinking about a meanspirited little dig that appeared higher up in the response list I should say that in five years & two Ts, no one has ever mentioned that I am at all passive aggressive. In fact I've been told not.

>> (i can hear a thought "go ahead, ask about the notes."...)
nope. I didn't even think about them, until she mentioned them.

>> just sounds like you see it as a reason for anger and i wonder why. or were you hurt by the remarks you don't recall? i'm all over the place here
I am too; I posted this thread because she blindsided me so. And time was up, there wasn't an opportunity to ask. Guess I will have to do so

BTW... I came back to the OP to say eighteen reads and no replies becuase I was really puzzled/hurt/concerned about T's last minute comment (whatever T's reasons for saying that, I don't think I will find out that it's good news), and had posted so that my PC support group could prop me up a bit. In down times like that, minutes seem like hours. maybe some of you have been there.
There is no one IRL I could tell about this.
A pity when the snarky comment comes from someone who is capable of so much better; I've seen it.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

>> i
A pity when the snarky comment comes from someone who is capable of so much better; I've seen it.

I am now outta your threads. You might want to consider if this statement fits you better than "someone" else.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by Anne2.0

I am now outta your threads. .

Not everything needs saying, little Annie. And Kindness Goes A Long Way. take that with you.... bye

[granite1]

sitting i have very much been there when min seem to be hours for sure. i really dont understand what was so distressing about her comment .i really mean that i am not trying to mean or undermining at all. i hope you will come back and talk maybe a bit more about it so people can understand (me) and maybe be able to respond better. i know it has really caused you to be upset and very worried .talk to us chica

[Perna]

Don't worry about the views, SAWE, they're skewed. For example, I just read that currently there are 1606 people on the forums, 187 members and 1419 guests; guests cannot post, they can only read. So there's bound to be a lot more views than posts.

[granite1]

you doing ok SAWE

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

just about at very end of last session T said something about, "we've tried a lot of things... journaling..." I don't remember what came in the middle because what she finished up with blew me away so completely ... "you don't write notes & bring them in here any more, because you feel so... threatened."

I stared at her and just blinked.

then I reached into my tote bag and pulled out my note pad, and showed her that I did bring notes. She looked startled, and mumbled something like, but you didn't refer to them all this time.
well no i didn't; I didn't need to. I looked over the list and said, and I hit all of them, except for this one about ____ that I decided not to talk about.

This is odd. Ts generally prefer patients to speak without notes. That's when the subconscious gets a chance to have her say.

[ECHOES]

It sounds like one of those "fishing" statements to me, her saying that you feel threatened. Something to agree or disagree with. It must have been weird and hard when she said that, and was wrong. It can feel hurtful and it can also be hard to say, No you have it wrong. I long for the day I can feel free enough to say "Where did you get that idea??"

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by ECHOES

It sounds like one of those "fishing" statements to me, her saying that you feel threatened. Something to agree or disagree with. It must have been weird and hard when she said that, and was wrong. It can feel hurtful and it can also be hard to say, No you have it wrong. I long for the day I can feel free enough to say "Where did you get that idea??"

hi twinnie, I think you have nailed it for me. thanks!!!