[Raging Quiet]

My T today told me that she was 'stuck' with me, and didn't know how to move forward; I just kept apologising. She said she didn't know where to go from here or that therapy was helping me.

She also said it is her opinion that I will end up in hospital from my ED soon and wants to go via my GP for professional help. She just kept saying 'you aren't going to beat this Rectopathic and you need to see an ED professional'.

It triggered so many things when she said everything above.

When I left she asked for a hug but I still left feeling really scared.

What happens when T becomes stuck with a client?

Sorry for a stupid post.

[anilam]

Maybe you should be scared...
MA is a serious disease, the damage you're inflicting upon your body and mind could be lethal/permanent.
Have you thought about going impatient? Sometimes it's the only way...

BTW many Ts refuse to treat clients with BMI lower than 15.

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by anilam

Maybe you should be scared...
MA is a serious disease, the damage you're inflicting upon your body and mind could be lethal/permanent.
Have you thought about going impatient? Sometimes it's the only way...

BTW many Ts refuse to treat clients with BMI lower than 15.

It isn't near that at present, but after 10 years of being underweight my body is starting to fail me and I'm nearly 30 years old.

I couldn't go impatient and T knows if I do I won't be eligible for IVF anymore so I've got to get unstuck!

Thanks for your reply x

[stopdog]

I think when stuck, you and therapist could try to figure out another approach. Also she may be scared for you because she does not know how to help you. And since some of these guys think they can help people, when they think they are not, it seems to get them upset in various ways.

[photostotake]

My T told me the same thing about my ED. Together, the two of us along with my dr, have now gotten the ball rolling at an ED clinic for help. Until I officially get into IDP, he keeps an eye on things and refers me on to my dr any time he thinks it might be medically necessary. He's told me many times that he's not going to watch me die from my ED, so he'll do anything he can to make sure it won't happen. At first that was very scary to hear. But as long as I'm honest with him, I'm comforted to know he's doing everything he can to get me the help that he can.

He has told me he's feeling stuck at times. I can't blame him either. This isn't his specialty. If your T is telling you the same, perhaps there is a very good reason for it. She wants what is best for you and to see you get the help you deserve. If she can help you find an ED clinic that can help you, I hope you take it. I'm sorry you are feeling scared- I was/am too.

[healed84]

That is not fair for your T to say to you.. She can feel stuck and that she can't help you. However, in that case.. it would be her turn to terminate and recommend somebody else for you to see. To say she is stuck with you, really rubs me the wrong way. (((hugs)))

[stopdog]

I read it to mean the therapy was stuck, not that the therapist was saying something like "I guess I have to keep working with you because I got stuck with you and I can't get away"

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

I couldn't go impatient and T knows if I do I won't be eligible for IVF anymore so I've got to get unstuck!

I am not trying to be unkind by saying that I think you are thinking about this in reverse. Becoming a mother is something you do after you are healthy, as children deserve parents who are in a position to provide them with all the love, care, and attention they need. Even in the healthiest person, parenting is challenging, physically and mentally. If you are not in a place where you can do that, where you can give your best to your child-- and honestly it doesn't sound to me like you are, you should focus your energies on your health.

I don't believe that trying to get pregnant should come before trying to get healthy, physically and mentally. However you need to do that-- and maybe switching T's needs to be an option you consider-- that should be your focus.

[sunrise]

I think it is a T's professional and ethical responsibility to refer you to a specialist who can help when your issues are outside of their scope of practice and ability to help. Especially when you may have a life-threatening eating disorder, this is serious stuff and she can't just wait around and hope you will get better with her standard therapy. If she says "you need to see an eating disorder professional", then please believe her. Maybe she or your GP can give you some referrals to ED professionals who can help. If you get that under control, perhaps you could return to work with her in areas in which she can help.

Please get help!

I agree with Anne 2.0. Please don't worry about the IVF and becoming a mom until you are healthy.

Getting 'stuck' can happen in therapy. My therapist said the same thing to me, that she felt stuck. But we eventually got through it. It doesn't always mean the therapist can't help you. But, I wasn't dealing with an eating disorder that was threatening my physical health.. perhaps you need to seek specialist treatment for that, as your T is advising. I too think your priority right now needs to be you. If you aren't healthy, I don't see that having IVF will do any good with things as they are - even if it takes (hit and miss for anyone), would you be able to carry a baby to term if you are in the hold of an eating disorder, and if as you say, your body is 'failing'? Why worry about IVF just now? You're still young.. and if you get healthy and aren't underweight perhaps you have more hope of conceiving naturally?

I hope you can get unstuck and conquer this, get healthy, and become the mother you want to be

[ultramar]

I hate to say this, but here goes: if you get pregnant, you will no longer only be starving yourself, but the fetus as well. I have no doubt you do not want to do this. Maybe you already know this, but even if you're able to carry to term, if you do not eat well during the pregnancy, the consequences for the baby can be pretty devastating, as far as brain development, and many other things. Maybe there are also psychological issues behind the ED that still need to be worked on (I know you have been, and hard).

Can you see an ED specialist at the same time as your current T? You wouldn't have to lose her, you can work with someone else exclusively on the ED and work on additional things with your current T, be able to maintain that important relationship and support, etc.

Engaging in IVF can be a wonderful and beautiful goal to work towards as you work on getting yourself healthy

[unaluna]

Is your partner not aware of your ED? Is your ED contributing to your infertility? It sounds like you're being pushed down two tracks at the same time, but you're reluctant to go down either of them. Like you are using the ED to say no to the IVF, because you can't get out of it any other way? Pardon if I'm projecting my passive aggressive tendencies on you, but that's probably how I would do it if I felt forced and powerless. Or just couldn't make up my mind "for some reason" like I just didn't want to.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

What happens when T becomes stuck with a client?

((Rect0pathic))

It's horrible to hear that your therapist can't help you. That's not something we see here often nor is it something a T would say lightly. It's an admission of defeat on their part.

However: just because this T can't help you doesn't mean you can't be helped. It just means that you need to find someone else.

Not a nice place to be. Remember: it's her failure, not yours.

[CantExplain]

Now I find I'm feeling a bit angry about this.

So you're stuck, T? Who have you talked to? What does the book say? Who do you go to for advice? What did you find on the Internet?

Don't just give up on me.

[blur]

maybe she can consult with another T or ED T. usually, i've heard people with eating disorders do well when they go to an ED clinic. are there any outpatient clinics for this? can you ask your T about that?

it may be that you can't get pregnant because you are underweight. it is pretty well-known in the medical community that being underweight can prevent you from conceiving. if there isn't another reason why you can't conceive then working on your ED at a clinic, even inpatient, could help you get pregnant. maybe you can use that as motivation to work on your ED. you could tell yourself when you don't feel like eating that you are doing this to become healthy enough to become a mom. that might be a good goal.

[ultramar]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

((Rect0pathic))

It's horrible to hear that your therapist can't help you. That's not something we see here often nor is it something a T would say lightly. It's an admission of defeat on their part.

However: just because this T can't help you doesn't mean you can't be helped. It just means that you need to find someone else.

Not a nice place to be. Remember: it's her failure, not yours.

I really don't think the therapist is saying she can't or doesn't want to help. 'Stuck' doesn't mean doesn't care or game over, it happens and it sounds like she's trying to find ways to get unstuck.

[growlycat]

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

What happens when T becomes stuck with a client?

I've read that being "stuck" in therapy can be considered a "rupture"...part of the work is to "repair it" and studies show that therapy that goes through "rupture and repair" many times actually creates stronger therapy results..it may even be the place where real progress is made. My T and I finally repaired an awful rupture I thought would end therapy but to my relief i'm safe again. You will be too.

http://www.safranlab.net/uploads/7/6...erapy_2011.pdf

[feralkittymom]

It is no doubt scary and painful in the short term, but thank goodness this T has finally realised she can't adequately respond to your ED! Now, you can get effective help and move ahead with your future.

This simply is no time to be worrying about IVF eligibility. Your body is not prepared to sustain a pregnancy, and clearly you need to be in recovery from the psychological issues underlying the ED before bringing a child into the world. It's not just about you if you choose to become pregnant.

I know my words sound harsh; my intentions and feelings are not harsh , but the reality of your situation is harsh.

There's a lot of poor professionals in this business. I had a therapist who told me she was stuck too. I left her & thankfully got a better qualified therapist. Stuck isn't a word that comes up now.

[Lamplighter]

((((((( Rectopathic )))))))

Firstly it's not a stupid post, you've just had a T tell you painful and frightening things and you have every right to be feeling bad about it .

What strikes me is that she's more or less saying that she and therapy can't help you anymore and that she's expecting YOU to go to your GP and organize other professional help for yourself. In my eyes that's abrogating her responsibility, the least she could have done was suggest that you needed extra help and tried to steer you in the right directions for getting that help (not threaten you with hospital and tell you you can't beat this - how much confidence does THAT inspire???? )

How much confidence have you had in her up to now? Perhaps she isn't trained to deal with ED's but she's obviously known about yours all along so it seems a bit rich that she's now bleating about being stuck in trying to help you. I have very little time for Ts who pull the plug because their inadequacies and fears surface after some time in the therapy. I'm sorry if you are close to her and that maybe it's her seeming rejection of you that's causing you the pain - but she does sound like she's badly mismanaged this issue.

Perhaps you could talk to her about this and see if she isn't willing to help you look for extra help with the ED, without necessarily ending therapy with you? It's even possible she was being deliberately provocative to try and get you to 'see sense' (not that I agree with that approach if that's indeed what she was doing, this whole shock tactic thing...)

And aside from the therapy issue, I think it sounds like a good idea for you to go see your GP anyway - sounds like your ED is becoming threatening to your health and no matter what the moral/emotional issues at stake with your T are, your health has to be your priority right now.

I'm just sorry she isn't helping you deal with this, instead of dumping you to deal with it alone .

[Bloem]

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

What happens when T becomes stuck with a client?
.

It does not always mean that you T can not help you anymore. She's looking for opportunities to help you better, because she feels that more is needed.
She wants the best for you

Liefs,
Bloem

Your post got me thinking Rect0pathic, in no way was it "stupid". I'm so sorry about the ED. Maybe T is just scared that she is not helping you enough because you are still having so many troubles. When my T said I was stuck, it made me feel so bad. I felt like he was giving up on me and that maybe I should give up too. Like I was a hopeless case. I hope you don't feel that way because you have a future. I wanted so much to have children too. It's to late for me now, but not for you. Please keep seeing T. Go back to her and talk about your reluctance to try the ED clinic. I have a friend who struggles with ED and sees a T AND a nutritionist who helps them eat foods they like and that are healthy. I thought that was a great idea. It has helped her concentrate on eating for good health so that she will not be afraid to get in bad habits of eating the wrong foods. I don't know if that sounds of any use to you but I wanted to share it. I'm thinking it would be good for many of us to see a nutritionist (I don't eat well myself). I want so much for you to have a chance at motherhood (the chance I never had) Sorry, this is an emotional topic for me (I guess for you too). Please keep trying to fight the ED with T (she sounds like she's trying to help). You need a healthy body to carry a baby to term. Anne and others here gave great advice. It makes sense, think about it. Don't wait too long, please.

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I read it to mean the therapy was stuck, not that the therapist was saying something like "I guess I have to keep working with you because I got stuck with you and I can't get away"

She hinted at both, but said she wouldn't withdraw away from me.

Thank you for your reply xx

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by Sadendings

Your post got me thinking Rect0pathic, in no way was it "stupid". I'm so sorry about the ED. Maybe T is just scared that she is not helping you enough because you are still having so many troubles. When my T said I was stuck, it made me feel so bad. I felt like he was giving up on me and that maybe I should give up too. Like I was a hopeless case. I hope you don't feel that way because you have a future. I wanted so much to have children too. It's to late for me now, but not for you. Please keep seeing T. Go back to her and talk about your reluctance to try the ED clinic. I have a friend who struggles with ED and sees a T AND a nutritionist who helps them eat foods they like and that are healthy. I thought that was a great idea. It has helped her concentrate on eating for good health so that she will not be afraid to get in bad habits of eating the wrong foods. I don't know if that sounds of any use to you but I wanted to share it. I'm thinking it would be good for many of us to see a nutritionist (I don't eat well myself). I want so much for you to have a chance at motherhood (the chance I never had) Sorry, this is an emotional topic for me (I guess for you too). Please keep trying to fight the ED with T (she sounds like she's trying to help). You need a healthy body to carry a baby to term. Anne and others here gave great advice. It makes sense, think about it. Don't wait too long, please.

Thank you for your advice Sadendings - your post really made me think. Thank you for sharing so much insight with me.

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by ultramar

I hate to say this, but here goes: if you get pregnant, you will no longer only be starving yourself, but the fetus as well. I have no doubt you do not want to do this. Maybe you already know this, but even if you're able to carry to term, if you do not eat well during the pregnancy, the consequences for the baby can be pretty devastating, as far as brain development, and many other things. Maybe there are also psychological issues behind the ED that still need to be worked on (I know you have been, and hard).

Can you see an ED specialist at the same time as your current T? You wouldn't have to lose her, you can work with someone else exclusively on the ED and work on additional things with your current T, be able to maintain that important relationship and support, etc.

Engaging in IVF can be a wonderful and beautiful goal to work towards as you work on getting yourself healthy

I think I wanted to get pregnant to save myself. I would certainly never starve myself if for a second I though I was pregnant because I would have something to look after and live for. I don't think I can see current T and someone else, I don't think she wants to see me for much longer.