Couch 52 - Are you being served?

I did actually punch a guy at work once for tapping me on the shoulder while I was walking down the hall, so I get it. He was all like, this is what you do?? I was like, hey, we're in downtown Detroit, you should be glad that's ALL I do!

Good lord no. I don't know what sorts of things she eats.
I am not sure I understand the point.

SD... I don't think you are odd or dense or an alien. Everyone experiences things differenly...

I am curious about something though...and if this is too personal you don't need to answer but who would you say is the person that you have the closest relationship with?

I have parents and five siblings and 2 inlaw siblings and 13 nieces and nephews , a H and 2 boys and my closest relationship is with a friend who lives 700 miles away.

The thing I can't get is how others understand the language.
I am very close to two ex lovers. We make better friends than lovers. I have a group of friends that I have had for over 25 years, I could count on them if I needed anything. But I don't tell them how I feel or anything. That would be too weird for me. The funny part about that it that over half of the group are social workers with a couple of private therapists in the mix.

Well in database design we used to say, if the design wasn't working, turn it upside down. Idk if you feel your therapy is working or not. But even so, just for kicks, you could turn it upside down and do something different. I think that's what they would often do in dbt group. Announce today we're doing something different. And we would all freak out.

I did try something different a few months ago and she made fun of me for trying it. When I pointed out I had been sincere in effort even though format was silly, she did apologize, but the attempt did not do anything positive or bring about any epiphanies or anything. I have use for the woman, but it is not what people describe here.
What people describe here in relation to a therapist makes no sense to me. It is sometimes like it is not that I am rejecting what others do, I don't understand enough about what others are talking about to reject it. It simply is foreign to me.

I guess my point is that I have a friend who I don't have a lot in basic common with her like she's single and I'm married with kids, she lives far away now, but she is the person who I'm closest with. She listens to me...she understands me...she gives wise counsel when I ask for it... she wants what is best for me.... and she has my back.... she has impecable boundaries...

but she is not the person who acts like a BFF as you would imagine a relationship on TV...

eta: not sure after writing this that I made a point in all of that

Sincere question here: what language don't you understand? and by understand do you mean experience?

Okay - but what does that have to do with cake and weight sharing? I don't see how your description leads to burden sharing and relief.

what type of therapy does your T do? Psychodynamic or CBT or combinations?

I don't understand the language when used in relation to a therapist - ally, support, burden sharing, hold the space, process - among others.

The woman's website says psychodynamic/eclectic

Ah well, thanks for the discussion guys.

I think my point was (although actually when I was done writing it I was like did that even make a point) that you don't have to be all touchy feely... huggy people to have someone in your life that you can share yourself with...

Maybe you do have these same types of relationships in practice but don't assign the same language to it that some people on PC do?

Maybe we should talk about the foreign sometime. That people survive in relationships is foreign to me. I can't remember how I ever lived with somebody else in the house.

Survive in relationships I get...thrive in a relationship is foreign

Thanks so much for all the well-wishes. It meant a lot. My session was helpful. I didn't end up being able to actually talk about specifically what happened with my exH, but we talked about some of the tactics he used to manipulate me and some of the reasons I tell myself what happened isn't a big deal when I know it really is. I could see things differently when I left and I was able to shift some of the "blocks" keeping me from talking about it. I actually wanted to come home and pull out my journal and just start writing everything that happened...but my daughter had softball so I needed to go straight there and I'm just getting home now. I haven't decided if I will still write it out or not. Not tonight...we'll see tomorrow. I'm going to sit here for a second and catch up on the coach...I saw when I skimmed it there was some discussion about talking about trauma and I'm interested to hear people's take on it. I know every time I've been able to tell someone one of the big "secrets" I've felt better, so it probably would be good to write it. It's hard not to chicken out when it comes to saying the really bad stuff though...at least for me.

EllieBear thanks for the updates....I hope you can find a way to say what needs to be said.
I have had so much shame surrounding some of the things I've told xT... that at times I've even made him change his seat so he was sitting in a chair on the same wall as me and we both sat staring at the opposite wall because I couldn't stand the thought of him looking at me while I said somethings...

night peeps

My 10 year old son is going to be so upset tomorrow. He and my H went to a sprint car race near our home tonight and there was a bad crash. Just checked the Nascar site and the driver died....

Hey granite... everything okay you aren't usually up this late.

Yeah the trauma discussion kinda got away from granite? You didn't like my cake analogy? I shouldn't post when I'm hungry!

Well I have to get some sleep. Not looking forward to the bad storms and tornado warnings that are supposed to happen tomorrow evening just when I need to drive the hour away to go to my son's banquet and ceremony and then bring him home.

That's sad about the driver RTS. I hope your son handles the news ok. And I just caught up on the coach. It is so interesting to me to hear other people's perspectives and how they experience things. As much as I hate talking about trauma, the only way I've moved past anything is to go through the shame and pain of saying it. Too much secrecy and not talking in my past for me to heal without changing that pattern and telling someone. I will find some way to say it or write it...I'm just not sure what to do yet. I was devastated once trying to tell someone, but I trust my T a lot more than I trusted the people in that group. It's just humiliating to share some of this stuff.

But anyway, I hope you are feeling less lonely RTS. Nights are hard.

Hankster I liked your cake analogy . And that reminds me...I'm hungry lol...

hank your cake analogy was cool lol.it is all good to have the conversation go .i really want to see how people deal with this.my T said some about bringing it up and the whole sharing the weight kind of thing and like stop .that all confused me so i never asked again .it is nice when she hears me but not so sure what i am willing to risk her no hearing or understanding.and really could she handle the emotions .i doubt it. and should she have to.

ready i'm ok just have not been sleeping all to well