Couch 52 - Are you being served?

i would be curious as to how you can think that finding someone who obviously has her own personal issues with your T could be an honest validation of your stuff. but hey if it works for you. i think partnering up with his coworker who you say is possibly afraid of him and her job . at the very least is unethical on both you parts and very disingenuous and could possibly be seen as very manipulative. and would guess if your T knew this might also ,and rightfully so could possibly terminate you and at the very least cause more strain on the working relationship. the fact this is all done BEHIND T back definitely says it isn't right .and the fact that you choose to continue down this path with this coworker definitely shows it is worth the risk to you. i dint see you staying with this T and working through his abuse so much a brave noble thing at all but if it works for you......

Actually, I didn't go to a coworker of his to get validation on his abusiveness.

I went to a T that had a year's worth of exposure to me, someone that I knew and trusted - and who knew me and my issues - and who knew T - to help me determine whether or not my gut feeling was something to trust or if I was totally off base with my approach. It was so muddy between me and T, and his reactions were so out of character - and there was no talking through it with him - that I thought it would be helpful to have a third party that knew both of us who could help me put the pieces of the puzzle together. I had no idea that she could relate at all to what I was going through until we started talking.

The thing that I don't quite understand is that the reason T feels that I am intending to harm the group is because he seems to believe that he needs to be idolized in order for the group to thrive.

It's kinda like comparing it to a nutritionist who you saw eating a dozen donuts each morning. I'd imagine it'd be more useful to hear, "Yeah, I'm human and don't always practice what I preach."....instead of hearing, "Don't you dare tell anyone that you saw me eating those donuts because people need to think that I am the most healthy eater in order to be an effective nutritionist!". The first response owns up to her own stuff and allows for greater trust to build. The latter doesn't do that.

On a side note, I thought you had me on your ignore list? I'm not sure how helpful it is to us to block and ignore me but then chime in when you feel the urge to go on the attack.

I'm not sure that judging me and criticizing me is helpful either.

MUE - do you know why you want to keep working with this guy? (Not that you have to tell me, but do you know within yourself and is it a healthy reason?). He may have helped you in the past, but is that the best reason to stay now?
His ego seems both enormous and fragile and it sounds to me like he is acting in his own best interest and not yours. The group thing just makes it sound so much more complicated and designed to keep you doubting yourself.

Hey ready....SO...how'd it go with XT?
Inquiring minds want to know.

(or maybe it's just nosy wiki minds)

Hey ready....SO...how'd it go with XT?
Inquiring minds want to know.

(or maybe it's just nosy wiki minds)

Hey, MUE, you know I really like you, but that's not cool - calling Granite out like that. That post was phrased pretty nicely. If all of us getting along is a goal, calling someone out the minute they take you off ignore is not going to further that goal.

ETA: okay the first post was really nicely worded. The subsequent ones are stronger, but still, just suggesting how things could be seen. My point remains that the ignoring thing is between you guys and throwing it out into public isn't helpful, in my opinion. Just my opinion, and I like both of you very much, FWIW

I usually find acting normal is more useful because explaining or having others try to understand or try to comfort is so much worse for me.

My daughter left her practice mannequin head on her dresser. It just scared the crap out of me. She won't be home again until next week....maybe I can stick it in son's bed...with pillows...under the covers. hmmmmmm

Yes. I understand this, I feel the same. I am at the place where I can tell H that I just hurt inside and he doesn't try to fix it. He just says "let me know if I can do anything" and backs away. Sometimes I ask him to distract me, but it is me telling him what I need instead of him guessing. Works fairly well.