Couch 52 - Are you being served?

Thanks, CE! I value your support too.

I can really empathize with you on this because up until I reached out to the other T, I was floundering - not being able to decipher or trust what was real versus what was just my perception - feeling such incredible emotional tumult. It was unbearable - especially knowing that I couldn't talk to T about it because he shut me down awfully quick each time or turned it back on me.

It left me feeling stuck, alone, confused, blamed for what I'm not sure is mine to own, etc. It was awful.

And it makes me really sad to know that you're going through this and have no one to really bounce it off of who knows the situation.

One of my biggest struggles has been that T has been unwilling or unable to see his part in it. I can't convince him to see what others can clearly see. But, knowing that I felt validated by the other T was helpful. Do you think your new T is able to help you at all with this? I know it's not the same, but it may help at least a little.

Thanks, BPA...((( HUGS )))...Stay safe!

You describe the feelings very well!

Mr T is reluctant to criticise a fellow professional, but it feels like he disapproves of Madame T's handling of my case.

He's something of a specialist in Aspergers and has probably heard a few horror stories from Aspergics whose Ts didn't understand them. Plus he's a little bit Aspergic himself.

So yes, I think he is helping. He doesn't have to do much at the moment, just listen and validate. (I talk without much prompting!) But that's the meat of the job, isn't it?

Morning couch.

I don't know why I keep waking up before my alarm. Oh well.

Have to start working at the senior place today. 9-3...hopefully I will survive it. New jobs are always a little overwhelming for me.

Sent T another email last night (when we talked on the phone she said I could, but just know she may not respond). I just wanted to get my current thoughts out there as I am processing them. I keep telling myself I will get through this hurdle. I'm still a little nervous about Tuesday though.

Well, I hope everyone has a decent day. I'll pop in and out until I have to leave for work. And then check in after I get home.

my guess you are waiking up early because you have a lot going on .a lot of new jobs and working with your farther .that would stress anyone out and disturb there sleep patterns . what is going on in your head when you waik up???

morning everyone been kind of having the same problem with sleep for some reason .kind of worried because i get a bit nutz sometimes when i dont sleep at all.and it seems to be going in that direction.sleeping less and less. i dont know why ,things seem to be ok

i do insist next......

Lots of stuff. My mind is full of various thoughts when I wake up. Everything from worry about Tuesday, to curiousity about the senior place, to wishing I was working with C that day...and the list goes on.

Good luck today Squirrel!

Ready...you didn't say how your appt with XT went. ???

Nightmares...again. GRRRR! My life is going so well right now. I am getting my strength back, my mood is stable, I am handling things well....I just don't know where these nightmares are coming in. It's like my brain won't let me enjoy peaceful times.

Today is my 28th anniversary. Wow...that's an eternity really! So grateful for a partner in life...he's a good guy.

see that is a lot of stuff .who can sleep with all that dialog going on . maybe it will get better when you get settled into all these new jobs and things

haapy anniversary wiki !!!!!i hope i am with my hubby for that long but may kill him if he does not start cleaning up the flower he leaves around lol. do you have anything special planned

i wish i could have some insight and be able to help with the nightmare.i dont know why they happen. it sounds like it just sux.

is you throat feeling any better???

OMG wiki is right Ready how did it go with xT .i am so sorry i forgot to ask.

Yes...my throat is much better today, thanks for asking.
The nightmare does suck.

H is planning our evening, I have no idea what we are doing because it's a surprise. I hate surprises! I do know that he wouldn't plan anything that would make me feel uncomfortable though.

i do hope it is something that is romantic and will make you feel good about you

yea, me too. I am going to get all dressed up for it. Maybe I'll go get a pedicure today? It's raining though, so I don't know.

My daughter got certified in color at school. It was a special exam, and no one has passed it on the first go in 18 yrs. Well, not only did she pass it, she aced it with a perfect score. They don't know who they are dealing with. Also, a lecturer that comes in once in a while offered her a position at her salon on Newbury Street. Those salons start at $150 just for a cut.

Good morning, couch peeps....

Not feeling well at all today - pain wise, migraine wise, emotionally. I'm trying to make sense of all this chaos. One thing T said to me is that usually things like this that happen end up eventually turning out to be important growth experiences. I really hope so.

Hope everyone has a good day. It's rainy and dreary. I'm on call for work but am hoping to be able to tackle a lot of cleaning. My aunt and niece are going to be in town next week - and this house is not even close to being ready for them to visit. Not. even. close.

Happy Anniversary, Wiki!! Wow, that's a long time! I hope you have an awesome anniversary and that your H treats you like the amazing person you are.

CE, I'm glad that your new T is helping at least a little. It doesn't take away from the overwhelming feelings at times, but knowing that you have some support from someone who knows what you're dealing with can have such value.

(( HUGS ))

I hesitate to say this, but....
MUE, I honestly wouldn't trust a t who spoke badly about another t. It's almost unheard of in the professional world to call out another professional to a client. Only in extreme circumstances. Like MKAC was saying, I'd be pissed if another CPA called one of my clients, offering them free advice, and trashing my skills. It just doesn't make sense at all. It's highly unprofessional behavior.
And, at the risk of being the devil's advocate...you talk a lot about your t not "owning his stuff", it's always easier to see where the other person is wrong, but are you "owning " yours? You are painting yourself totally the victim, and perhaps you could be a cohort? Just thinking out loud.

Happy anniversary, Wikid! My husband and I hit 21 years of marriage, 23 years together later this month

Thanks, Wiki. I hear you, although I don't think I'm in a place to want to judge the other T when her help was invaluable to me.

I absolutely believe that I played a role in creating the chaos, and T and I talked about where that stemmed from. Somehow my sense of past and present has been muddied over the last few weeks, and some of T's actions triggered the idea that he was the aggressor. T and I are working on helping us come to understand how we got to that place. I definitely took ownership of my stuff with T.

But when I address a concern I have about the way T handled something, instead of hearing me and owning his part, he tried to put it back on me.

It's not helpful to teach people that they are responsible for their own reactions and behaviors - and then not put it into practice themselves.

I can see why you don't want to criticize her. I just don't see her as being an "impartial consult" is all. I hope you can eventually tell your T that she trashed him behind his back. Personally, I would prefer another professional to tell me to my face instead of behind my back. It is dangerous behavior, and could get you blackballed from your prof. community. I wouldn't even trash another CPA to a friend, it's just bad policy. I might try to gently steer a friend away from a shady one, maybe hint that they aren't so good...but never out and out trash them.

Anyhow, it's good you're confident in her. I'll leave it at that. I don't mean to harp on it, it's just something that drives me crazy...talking behind peoples backs instead of to their face.

ok i have to comment and MUE you can choose to maybe look at this or explore it or ignore it .
i find it curious that in the light of your T accusing you of wanting to harm his credibility and the integrity of his group. you choose to take this issue to a coworker of his to get your validation of how abusive you say he is being. maybe you T might need a small amount of validation of his fears.

Oh, I totally get that, Wiki.

I just don't see it being useful in this situation. I also don't see this T as trashing my T, but rather helping to validate what I'm going through and helping me see whether or not I had blind spots in addressing the situation with him or if I was being reasonable in how I went about it.

I need to go down to the church and hang up a huge banner I had printed. I don't have any help though...grrrr.

Actually, I didn't go to a coworker of his to get validation on his abusiveness.

I went to a T that had a year's worth of exposure to me, someone that I knew and trusted - and who knew me and my issues - and who knew T - to help me determine whether or not my gut feeling was something to trust or if I was totally off base with my approach. It was so muddy between me and T, and his reactions were so out of character - and there was no talking through it with him - that I thought it would be helpful to have a third party that knew both of us who could help me put the pieces of the puzzle together. I had no idea that she could relate at all to what I was going through until we started talking.

The thing that I don't quite understand is that the reason T feels that I am intending to harm the group is because he seems to believe that he needs to be idolized in order for the group to thrive.

It's kinda like comparing it to a nutritionist who you saw eating a dozen donuts each morning. I'd imagine it'd be more useful to hear, "Yeah, I'm human and don't always practice what I preach."....instead of hearing, "Don't you dare tell anyone that you saw me eating those donuts because people need to think that I am the most healthy eater in order to be an effective nutritionist!". The first response owns up to her own stuff and allows for greater trust to build. The latter doesn't do that.

On a side note, I thought you had me on your ignore list? I'm not sure how helpful it is to us to block and ignore me but then chime in when you feel the urge to go on the attack.