[Freewilled]

I was reading rainbow's post about having a good session and something she said in it struck a chord with me. I thought I'd post my question here:

My T is very interested in how I'm feeling in the present and I'm wondering how this is helpful. Have any of you shared this therapy experience and found it helpful and if so, how did you respond to your T? Sometimes I don't have the words to describe my feelings or don't really know what they are...often all I can say is I'm feeling anxious, but then what?

When I say whatever it is, I tend to feel like it falls flat...is this because I'm not really feeling things all the way or is it supposed to be like that? Sometimes I think there is supposed to be more to it like leading to deeper stuff, but I'm inhibited or closed off for some reason...

Any thoughts?

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

I was reading rainbow's post about having a good session and something she said in it struck a chord with me. I thought I'd post my question here:

My T is very interested in how I'm feeling in the present and I'm wondering how this is helpful. Have any of you shared this therapy experience and found it helpful and if so, how did you respond to your T? Sometimes I don't have the words to describe my feelings or don't really know what they are...often all I can say is I'm feeling anxious, but then what?

When I say whatever it is, I tend to feel like it falls flat...is this because I'm not really feeling things all the way or is it supposed to be like that? Sometimes I think there is supposed to be more to it like leading to deeper stuff, but I'm inhibited or closed off for some reason...

Any thoughts?

My T says that all we have is now, and how I'm feeling in the room with her is important. It's even harder for me because she asks "where in your body do you feel that"? or "how do you know you feel anxious? Where do you feel that in your body?" She believes in the mind/body connection but maybe someone can explain better than I can, how that helps.

None of my other Ts were interested in how "I am feeling right now" so it's new for me too. Maybe it helps because the way you react with your T is the way you'd react with someone else. That's not always true, though.

I hope others will have some better answers. I seem to be going nowhere with this!

[learning1]

I don't know, seems like your t should help things to move along if there's a point to it. Maybe it gives her information even if it doesn't end up giving you any.

Any idea why you feel anxious?

[Freewilled]

I'm not really sure why I am anxious but I think Im just anxious in general. Isn't the talking about difficult things anxiety-producing in itself, though?

Maybe my presenting anxiety is some of what is getting in the way of being able to stay connected in therapy. Good question, you got me thinking...

[sunrise]

For me, that question had value in getting me to recognize what I was feeling. Because I was very distant from my emotions and used to stuffing them deep inside. So I had to learn to know what I was feeling. This took a long time. It was worth it, though. If my T asks me that question, and I don't know, I sit still and quiet and look within myself and try to feel my feelings. My T has told me a number of times that I am the one who knows, so I have believed him, and gained confidence that there really is stuff deep inside me that is knowable. I just had to learn how to listen and recognize what is going on. Giving myself time and space to do that is helpful. Not feeling that I must rush to answer T is helpful. Sitting in silence and letting feelings "come up" can be helpful. This requires opening my mind and not thinking in a frustrated way, "I don't know what I'm feeling, I have no idea, what am I supposed to say, I don't know, why does he ask me this, etc." It is OK to not know at first, and all that frantic "thinking" did not help me know what I was feeling. So it was better for me not to think about it, but just turn inwards and let the feelings come.

After 3 years of therapy I am still answering that question with "I don't know"

[A Red Panda]

(only been to see a psychologist twice now...)

Whenever anyone asks me how I'm feeling, I tend to give a circumstantial response. "I slept well last night so I'm great!" "Didn't sleep so I'm pretty grumpy" "I just had a blast doing X with my class!" or I respond about health/sleep. "My stomach's been sore," "Not so good - I still haven't slept"

I very rarely answer with how I actually feel. But then, usually how I actually feel are feelings like lonely, or scattered, or annoyed at being asked (again, circumstantial! I couldn't even list off my common emotions!!! I quit!)

Yeah. I failed at that one!

If I don't think that giving a circumstantial answer is going to work, or if they re-ask, I get very uncomfortable and don't know how to respond.

[Mapleton]

(I realize that I feel like a bit of a broken record. I'm going to mention that I have a lot of issues here.. but I don't feel sorry for myself.. actually hopeful for the first time in decades, so you shouldn't feel badly either. tx)

If you asked me a month ago, I would have resisted the idea of even having feelings, let alone talking about them. If there were a few tears or a bit of frustration, I would just explain it away as nothing.

Since recently its been utterly the other way. I can't stop thinking about them, and want to talk about them all the time, except its painful and I can't look the T in the eye. At all.

Its mostly traumatic revelation; just a constant barrage of self-criticism from the ADHD/OCD symptoms over the years, kicked off by a tougher than average childhood, then lately some suggestion that I may be losing my only support network.

I have no problem expressing something, although having 3 wandering thoughts about that feeling then capturing one and trying to juggle the others is no fun-- so I interrupt if I feel like I could lose them.

I just hope that I don't manage to somehow mess up this therapeutic relationship, because its showing some promise... and by that, I shouldn't try to out-think the process neurotically and frustrate T.

[haier]

My t always asks me that too..lol. I always say "good." Then when we're in the room she asks AGAIN and i say that AGAIN, then she ALWAYS says "okay" and breathes out hard and i smile..idk why. But then she asks how my week went and i talk about my week and i cry and feel mad or just talk without feeling anything and then she asks me how i feel about whatever awful stupid thing happened because my life is literally a mess right now and i have to try REALLY hard to "connect" and finally in the end "good" was not so good. Hmmm...every time. I think i frustrate her but i just think when someone asks how are you doing you say "good". You can't go on about all the ugly things inside...it's the same with how are you feeling. Idk...i'm screwed up in the head. Sometimes i wonder about me and if i will ever be normal.

[Mapleton]

Originally Posted by haier

My t always asks me that too..lol. I always say "good." Then when we're in the room she asks AGAIN and i say that AGAIN, then she ALWAYS says "okay" and breathes out hard and i smile..idk why. But then she asks how my week went and i talk about my week and i cry and feel mad or just talk without feeling anything and then she asks me how i feel about whatever awful stupid thing happened because my life is literally a mess right now and i have to try REALLY hard to "connect" and finally in the end "good" was not so good. Hmmm...every time. I think i frustrate her but i just think when someone asks how are you doing you say "good". You can't go on about all the ugly things inside...it's the same with how are you feeling. Idk...i'm screwed up in the head. Sometimes i wonder about me and if i will ever be normal.

Its when the normal people out in the world ask me how I am, that I say good.

I fantasize about telling them otherwise, sometimes.

[haier]

Originally Posted by Mapleton

I fantasize about telling them otherwise, sometimes.

Me too....lol.....priceless....

[tinyrabbit]

I often say "I don't know," because I'm really detached from my feelings and not really fully in my body, and often I don't really know what I'm feeling and why. I'm also not used to having the attention of someone who cares that much about the answer. Often I don't know how I felt until I think about it later on.