[HealingTimes]

So after my recent issues with my T, I have called her to set up another appointment for next week. I haven't yet decided if that's a good thing or not, but I am hoping that she will apologise for not listening to me.

Anyway, I have decided that in order to protect myself and my feelings, I need to become less dependant on my T, and therapy in general.
I don't mean this in an unhealthy way, and I am still going to be open and honest with T, just that I can't really afford (emotionally) to be so attached to her and the process.

So, the million dollar question..how exactly do I do that? Any suggestions?

[kaliope]

have you tried to compartmentalizing your appointments? you go to session in a totally professional manner, no hugging, no outside contact such as email or text, you see t in session and that is it. discuss what you need to discuss and then you are done with t until next session. you put her back in her compartment until next week. all t takes place while she is out of the compartment. you put her back in and it is done. you dont go back to it until you take t out the next week. anything comes up during the week, you stick it in the compartment to think about later with t. you dont dwell on it. you have to wait. you have an alloted time to work with t, say one hour before session and one hour after to process your session. otherwise everything stays in the compartment. this way you are not thinking about t all the time. you have a set amount of time to deal with t and that is it. good luck.

[HealingTimes]

Thanks Kaliope, do you do that? Does it work well for you?
I think it's a great idea, but my stupid emotions kind of seem to take over. I guess it's just learning how to control that.

[boredporcupine]

Kaliope's idea is a good one. Another one is every time you want something from your T, figure out how to do it for yourself or get it from another person.

If your main issues have to do with attachment though, good luck resolving them without getting attached to a T. It's not gonna be easy!

[CantExplain]

One idea is to build up your social network.

[HealingTimes]

I guess a big problem is that i dont have a social life. At all.
I have a few people that i say 'hi' to if i see them in the street, but no friends as such. Well, actually i do have 1 friend but she lives a long way away.

My main issue is attachment issues, due to neglect from my parents.

[tinyrabbit]

For me personally, feeling less dependant/obsessive/attached has gone hand in hand with feeling more secure. So ironically I think the way to become less dependent on your T is to become more secure about her presence in your life and the fact she is there - which means working through the issues with her. I think it's great that you've made another appointment and I hope it goes well.

[Asiablue]

I don't have an suggestions, but i asked my T at the beginning if we could do therapy without getting attached, because i don't want that attachment. She said no, it's not really possible because it is a relationship, albeit a very boundaried one and not like any other but we are two people connecting and that is unavoidable. Damn.... :/

[0w6c379]

Good luck on getting an apology. It didn't work for me so just be prepared if she doesn't comply. Have some kind of a back up plan.

I thought attachment was encouraged by T's in general? Isn't it unrealistic to expect a client to trust you completely without becoming attached?

Therapy shouldn't be a place where we are afraid to attach etc. I'm not sure of the background as to why you want an apology. But in therapy things go wrong and we work through that. If the therapist is making huge mistakes after mistake then perhaps you might've better of finding another? But asking how to build defences doesn't bode well.

[HealingTimes]

Thanks for the feedback guys.
Tiny- you are so right. I HATE that i must attach to my T in order to gain independence, but i guess it's a process, right?

I got my apology

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by HealingTimes

Thanks for the feedback guys.
Tiny- you are so right. I HATE that i must attach to my T in order to gain independence, but i guess it's a process, right?

I got my apology

I'm glad your T apologized! If you care to share, I'm wondering how the session went. Did she apologize right away?

[HealingTimes]

Hi Rainbow I am just off to get my children from school, but will write on this thread when i get back, explaining how it all went
Oh and thanks for the PM, i will respond later this afternoon

[WikidPissah]

By setting up RL support systems and people other then T that you can call on.

[mylifeart]

I had asked this question so many times, at one point I begged my ex-t to make me hate her so I wouldn't be so attached.

setting personal boundries is a good thing to help, doing something to where you don't feel like you need when she is gone is what I felt like I needed.. most therapist will not be there forever. figuring all of this out before she is gone is what I wish I would of did, it would of been easier to de-tach from her when I needed to .

[HealingTimes]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I'm glad your T apologized! If you care to share, I'm wondering how the session went. Did she apologize right away?

No, she didnt apologize straight away.
Basically she thanked me for coming back. She said that she knew she had made a mistake, and that she had replied to my request to cancel the session, out of anger.
I had been right, she had heard my message (in which i said i wanted to cancel the session) and presumed i was running away and got angry.
She said that she had 'taken on' my anger.
I had had a really sh*tty week previous to that, as my family were visiting and i find them-especially my mum- incredibly triggering. And i always go downhill in regards to depression, anger, feelings of worthlessness when they decide to visit.
At first, i was really defensive, and thought she was blaming me for the whole thing but as we talked through it, i actually realised she was right.
She apologised, and so did i, and we agreed that it was just an error in communication and a testament to our strong bond that we are able to have todays appointment to work through it.

Although the downside is that i have promised to work on my anger...i HATE anger, and never normally admit to being angry EVER!