Couch 54, Where Are You?

Well, just got home from dropping C off at camp a little bit ago and got caught up on the couch since my last post.

Have to leave for T in an hour and a half. I'm a bit nervous because I have some things in my journal that we should probably talk about, but I really don't want to share what I've written in my journal with T. It's not that I think she will react negatively to it...it's that I don't want to "re-live" situations that caused me to be pissed off.

Well...I didn't have breakfast before going to C's, and I will be at T around lunch time...so I better go eat something so I don't get sick from not eating.

I'll pop back in later.

Good luck to everyone else who also has T today.

And I hope everyone has a decent day.

How I'm feeling this morning:

T in an hour. I am running out of excuses for leaving the office. I like the people I work with at the new office, but the "assistants" are used to keeping track of the attorneys and keeping them on track. I am unaccustomed to someone asking (even really nicely) where I am doing and when I will be back. They are really nice, "where shall I say you are?" OUT. "Can I tell people when to expect you back?" later. I am not socially skilled.

How about I have an appointment and I'll be back in 2hours...

ETA: the more cryptic you make it the more attention it will get...atleast thats how it is here at my work with people's active imaginations.

I had a guy in my office that used to say "I'm doing a coffee run" every Wed at the same time. He'd be gone for 2-3 hrs. The admin assists all thought he was having an affair, but I figured it out pretty quickly. Really, in all honesty, weekly appointments are either therapy or probation check ins!

I told my boss before that I have a standing appt. each week and would work through my lunch and leave early on those days. He never asked me any questions about it, but I do get that it's awkward.

I find, lately, that my issue is with my daughter and mom....always wanting to know what "appt" I have....like, recently, I've been seeing T 2x/week - it used to be when my daughter was in school, so she didn't need to know and my mom wasn't needed for childcare. Now that my daughter is out of school for the summer, they both know.

This morning, as we were walking out the door, my daughter asked how long I was going to be. I said about an hour or so. She said "what appt are you going to?"....I said "therapy". She said, "I thought you go on Thursdays?".....I flipped out. SERIOUSLY, DO YOU HAVE TO KNOW MY BUSINESS ALL THE FREAKIN TIME????

OMG. So frustrating.

Anyhoo....Back from T. The session went pretty well. We were able to address some things, and both of us were pretty open to reflecting on what was going on. It was productive.

Towards the end of the session, T wanted to address the back-up plan for when he is gone. He said he might not be in the day of my next session, so this might be the last session until late July. I suggested xgrpcoT, and he said he didn't think it was a good idea because I might trigger some of her issues, that she's not equipped to deal with x, y, z, etc. - and that he didn't want her to steer me in other directions. I was taken back by it, really. I didn't push though.

I then suggested someone else - another xgrpcoT. He said he thought it would be ok if I was clear on what I needed, because his fear, too, was that I would be steered a different way. This T was also my exH's T for a short time when we were married, so I wasn't sure if it would be a conflict. T didn't think so, especially since it's been 4 years since that took place and that T was also part of my group T during that time, and it worked out ok.

T suggested using the group blog to reach out. Yeah, right. Not. He also said he would be checking emails and rented a phone that could be used to make calls out of the country, so that's an option as well. I'm not sure what to make of all that.

Anyway....I may be T-less until the 18th of July. I think that's the longest I'll be without seeing T - and at the moment, I'm ok with that. I'm kinda curious to know what life will be like without T.

my hubby's fav is to tell me to go to my happy place . omg i want to rip his face off when he says that to me lol

maybe it is time to just say i have some personal busness to take care of and then let them know when you will be back

Well, I am home from T. Somehow things my mom and dad said/did to me in high school when they were going through their divorce (it was a "nasty" one) came up. We spent almost the entire hour talking about it. I never realized I still had so much resentment about it all. That was back in the late 1990's. You'd think I would be "over" it by now.

I took a copy of my journal. T asked if I could leave it with her, so she could read it (if I didn't mind). It felt a little awkward doing so, but in the end it's proabably a good thing for her to read it and see my thought proccess on things and how I express my feelings. This journal thing is just so "new" to me.

Ef it. Ef it. Ef it.

Damitalltohell!

wow i think it is great you were able to leave it with her .that would kind of freak me out . my T knows to just give anything i write back .

pmed you chica

((((wikid))))

I still dont have my gmail. Thanks mom. But I decided that just because people ie abusers want me around just so THEY arent embarrassed, doesnt mean I have to change my plans. Even if I did lose all my effin apostrophes. Dam!

Mue - dont throw good money after bad. Why is he -who is he! To badmouth exgrpcot? When he was just saying he cant go any further with you on trauma? You do not have to take care of his feelings. I feel like im being harsh. But I would accept his threats of termination and take his vacation as an opportunity to move on. He's not the boss of you. That's maybe why your daughter's question seemed so harsh. It was like she was the boss of you. IIt's leaking out of therapy?

Something good happened to me today. I was told by somebody whose friendship I value very much that I am kind, considerate, attentive, caring, funny, intelligent, and fun to be with when I'm in the right mood. I had to write that down, so I'll remember. I have the best friends ever, I really don't deserve them.

Anyway, I have to pack now - off to Budapest at 6.30am tomorrow... (that's when the taxi picks me up, not when the flight leaves, thankfully!)

you are all those things and you do deserve a friend who also sees these things in you .

have a great time .so jealous

leaving for T in about 10 min .why has this bothered me all day i have nothing big i am dealing with .maybe it just isn't for me if i am like this for no reason .god i am pathetic aint i . my name is granite and i am an attention you know what

And I just realized I lost my calendar. Ie on my phone. Not that I ever go anywhere but t. But I coulda had a life. Thanks for the reminder that I don't. Soooo grateful.

((( Hankster )))

Wiki, are you ok? ((( HUGS )))

Good luck at your session, granite!

My mom took one look at me today and said, "You have a migraine coming on, don't you?"....

Yep, mom, you're right. She's one of those people who can tell when you're not feeling well - or point out when you're tired, etc. I'm not good at noticing those kinds of things. Well, sure enough, this migraine is becoming quite intense. Not a good time when I have my niece over and have an incredibly busy and LOUD night ahead.

I really should've picked up some ear plugs. This One Direction concert is going to be pretty loud with screaming girls. Screaming kids, loud music and migraine = torture for me. I'm planning on going to group first and leaving 15 minutes early so I can rush out and get the girls then head to Philly, hopefully making it there before the concert starts. I keep telling the girls that if we're late, don't worry, we won't miss the headliner. Still, stressful. I wish I could be ok with just skipping group....but alas, I'm not.

Not even for a One Direction Concert????

You are a brave woman.

Mother troubles. Heath Insurance offers to have a doc come by and "check" on how things are for her so they can "stream line" her care. I told her that the insurance company wants ONE thing...to save themselves cash. They do NOT care about you mom, they want to cut corners. Stick with your primary care. Does she listen? NO. Now she's signed up for them to do a home "safety check" which is a "give us a reason not to cover your falls" check. She's 83, her health is failing, they would love to find a reason not to cover her. Stupid woman never listens to me.

BTW...she fell once 7 yrs ago and broke her arm. She says she's fallen, but no bumps or bruises, and no one has seen her fall. BUT she tells the Ins. Comp that she falls all the time. She loves attention.