[Bloem]

That she wanted to be there for me so bad and forgot herself. But now has to put a boundary, I only heard 'you will leave me alone' I felt so sad. That i only asked her not to hurt me. She said she had spoken with colleagues and realized that it was too much for her. That she should take care of her self, I know she's right. But I've never asked her to be so involved with me, she sayd she did it her self, but I feel guilty. I pushed myself away from her and she wanted to make contact with me, show me that she is there for me me. I could not handle it, especially my alters. And now she wants distance, i felt she came to close, but hurt now.

It hurts, I feel rejected, I want no more therapy, I did not ask her to get close to me.....

Bloem

[anilam]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you, Bloem.
Obviously, she is NOT well trained to established her own boundaries beforehand and became too involved with you. Not your fault, though it may feel like it.
I need a T who can take care of himself, so I don't have to. It took me long enough to trust my T to do so. I would be crushed if he told me stg like that. TBH, I would change a T if I were you- i would never ever be able to be open with her again- too scared I might "hurt" her again by being me- one of my fears in RL= one of the reasons I need therapy.
Please, take care

[chelsi]

I'm sorry to hear about your experience. It sounds like this is not the right T for you, at all.

It's hard enough to deal with all the slings and arrows that got you to the place where you need therapy, and it is not right that your therapist added another hurt to the load you're already carrying.

At the same time, it doesn't sound like a good idea to totally give up on therapy.

I know (believe me, I *know*) how hard it is to start all over again with a new therapist, hoping you can find someone who knows what they're doing and who will be trustworthy, and dreading that the new T will let you down yet again.

It sounds like you still need therapy though, so I think you need to be strong for yourself and try again. Maybe the first thing you'll want to talk about with a new therapist is what happened with your last T so you can set appropriate boundaries up front.

I have a hard time trusting anyone, but I do believe there are good people in the world who will help you - you just need to keep going until you find at least one of them.

I hope you are able to get past this, find a therapist who can really help you, and get to feeling better.

[wotchermuggle]

Bloem, that sounds so difficult to bear. I'm glad she didn't completely abandon you though. I hope you can talk to her about how you are feeling and that she can help you work through it.

[kaliope]

I am so sorry this has happened to you. it sounds like t has handled your case inappropriately and you have been hurt deeply by her actions. I hope that you can reestablish trust with a new t and move on and get the treatment you so rightfully deserve.

[Bloem]

Thanks everyone for the comments and feedback!

I spoke with my T and it has become clearer to me. She doesn't reject me only takes a step back, So that the treatment remains healthy for both of us. She says she will not let me down, that together we started this therapy and that we will finish it together. What is only possible if she also take good care of herself, because it will be a long ride working together.
I did not hear what she said when she told me this, last session. I only heard and felt 'you let me down' I'm glad I've talked with my T and that she explained it better.

I feel relieved

Bloem

[eskielover]

Our minds so stop hearing things after we hear certain words that shut us down.....I am so glad that she was able to express what you were unable to hear the last time. It's understandable that you weren't able to hear the good part of her being willing to continue on with you but having better boundaries in place.......

Maybe that's good reason when there is good & bad news to express the good news first & then the bad because otherwise, the good can end up being shut out by the time it's expressed.

Sounds like she might be rather NEW to psychotherapy? Or maybe has never worked with someone with the difficulty of problems that you are going through. Sometimes it's so easy to start down a path & without knowing it.....get beyond safe boundaries.....then it becomes necessary to take a step back.....this happens in all kinds of relationships, not just that with one's T.....usually they are more knowledgable about boundaries......that's why I was wondering about her experience level?.....but she does sound conscience & that IS IMPORTANT.

Sounds like you will both be in a better place with each other now that the boundaries have been established & may be able to progress even farther than before

[Bloem]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Our minds so stop hearing things after we hear certain words that shut us down.....I am so glad that she was able to express what you were unable to hear the last time. It's understandable that you weren't able to hear the good part of her being willing to continue on with you but having better boundaries in place.......

Maybe that's good reason when there is good & bad news to express the good news first & then the bad because otherwise, the good can end up being shut out by the time it's expressed.

Sounds like she might be rather NEW to psychotherapy? Or maybe has never worked with someone with the difficulty of problems that you are going through. Sometimes it's so easy to start down a path & without knowing it.....get beyond safe boundaries.....then it becomes necessary to take a step back.....this happens in all kinds of relationships, not just that with one's T.....usually they are more knowledgable about boundaries......that's why I was wondering about her experience level?.....but she does sound conscience & that IS IMPORTANT.

Sounds like you will both be in a better place with each other now that the boundaries have been established & may be able to progress even farther than before

Thanks for your comment

It's true, sometimes you only hear the bad things, I heard it for sure that day. While the good news was much more than the bad. I got stuck in my mind with the 'bad' news I can not remember the whole session only the 'bad' news while much has been said. I am glad that she has explained later to me. My T is a psychiatrist and psychotherapist and has a lot of experience with trauma therapy. I'm her third client with DID, she sees them 2 times a week maybe more. She lives two hours away from were i live and works in this city one day a week. she thinks I need more than 1x per week therapy but that is not possible in this situation. It took three years before I trust her and opened up to her I always kept her at a distance I was not aware of it but i did it. Me open up to her was a breakthrough but also showed that more therapy was needed. She knows that keeping in touch is important in order to keep the process going. Because normally i pull back, I did that for three years. We have every day a form of contact but lately also in the evening and that was too much for her and for me.
When she said that she should take care of herself she gave an 'evening clock' what is reasonable and to understand, I did not hear that. I felt rejected. I do not make easy contact but one of my alters does, and she needs a border. Also because I feel uncomfortable with it and ask no help for myself when I really need it. She did not reject me only a boundary which is good.

Bloem

[Moodswing]

Boundaries say something more about the other person than they do about you and they are the most annoying, crazy, frustrating thing ever but necessary.