Couch 56...Getting Back to our roots

Lola...I dare you.
Even double dog dare you.

On second thought...let's ALL put a SD quote in our siggy lines...rofl. We'll be her little minions. The official PC SD Cult.

Done and Done! Soak up the air, net and tv...... while you can MUE

Weird how I all of a sudden felt panic and wanted to run the F out of this house. *sigh* I'm still here, but damn, that comes out of nowhere. I guess no amount of cable, internet and a/c in the world can make this a truly comfortable place to be.

Is that the house you grew up in MUE?

This afternoon I am attempting to make a neem oil shampoo bar. We shall see how well I can mask the smell of neem. (which, I actually don't mind so much but others say it's quite offensive)

I am dressed and showered and ready to head into town for my scalp treatment. Just have to wait a half hour. Hmmm...I wonder what I should bring her for lunch?

hey peeps

WIKI for president!!!!!!

BBL love ya all

Miss you Granite......

Yeah, Lola....This is the house I grew up in, and I'm just baffled by how much it still affects me to be in this house. It's just a HOUSE for cryin outloud.

And this whole thing about T giving away my session - just reminds me of how much of an afterthought I was, having to settle for the crumbs, feeling unwanted and unloved, having to accept being the scapegoat for the needs of others without any regard to how I feel. So much hurt.

MUE.. It is just a house, but it triggers the memories. Hence I moved 1800 miles form my childhood. Sorry about T (((((MUE))))

I just got back from taking stuff to my new office in my new town.... its a grown up job and Im surrounded by grown ups... so much for my speaker system at work. uggggg

MUE, it's not just a house, it's a house with an enormous amount of baggage with it. I get triggered whenever I go to my childhood home, because the home of my abuser is right up the street. He hasn't lived there for 40 years and it still triggers me. Places can be triggering all by themselves, with no people there.

"Beautiful plumage, the Swedish Blue."
"The plumage don't enter into it."
etc.

- Monty Python Parrot Sketch.

My feelings for places can be as strong or stronger than my feelings for people.

((MUE))

Thanks....I find that the more aware I am about this, the crazier I feel....

My mind is telling me I need to get the F out of this house NOW....yet I feel possessed, such a strong pull towards....stuff.....here....

I honestly feel like if I don't get out of this house now, I'm going to do something really harmful that I am going to find relief in but ultimately regret.

I need to find the strength to get my things and just go.....

maybe just leave why stay ?whats the reason?

I left and am now at home.....OMG, I feel awful. It was like something was pulling me to stay there and be destructive, that it somehow would feel really good to be in physical pain...the times I used to climb onto the roof and imagine plunging to my death. I wanted to cut and bleed and feel powerfully numb and stand on that roof.....

Just crazy. I am home now. I need to breathe and just get a shower and get to my assignment....be in the present....

Thanks for the tip SD! H always wears ear plugs at concerts now. I will have to try! H's hearing is so shot from playing/listening to loud music he doesn't get it when he is being obnoxiously loud!!

Oh, I'm a bit annoyed. T and I are supposed be ironing out details about Monday's little "field trip". Called yesterday morning to cancel mc to give us more time out there ( mc and t appointments were back to back this coming week). E-mailed him street names, telling him who was going with us, asking what time we were meeting! And of course I have heard NOTHING from him!

MUE...I am glad you left, hopefully the rest of the day is pleasant for you.

Healed...yikes. Good Luck though!

I had a scalp and deep conditioning treatment. Then she styled my hair, and don't tell her but I went for a swim when I got home. lol. I won't see her again till Mon, she'll never know I messed it up.

We have dinner at a friend's home this evening...and I guess we are going to watch some Mystery Science Theater. Wow. Gorgeous summer night on Cape Cod and we are watching a movie indoors. lol. Oh well, it will be fine I guess. I'd just rather be at a clambake on the beach.
Call me Annette. "Oh Frankie, where are you?"
(you'd have to be REALLY old to get that reference...SD? Hanksta? Help me out.)

Believe it or not, before my time!!

Sadly, I get it.

Evening couch.

I was asked to stay an extra 30 minutes at work today. Not bad. Though I was also asked if I could work Monday instead of Sunday. That means 6 less hours on this payroll check coming up. It also means 2 less hours on Monday than if I worked on Sunday because I have to be off by 1 to go pick up C from camp. Oh well.

I headed to the zoo after work. Some of the same animals as I saw before were moving around. Some that had been "hiding" on my previous visits were out. And some I say other days were hiding today. It's hit or miss with live animals. But still enjoyable.

Since I am off on Sunday, I decided to go to the zoo again, if I can find someone to go with me. I called my dad and asked if he and my step-mom wanted to go. I explained that he could be my guest and get in free, but my step-mom would have to pay to get in. He said he'd ask her and call and let me know tomorrow. I may regret this later if they make comments about me, but it could be enjoyable.

On Saturday nights (after regular operating hours) during June and July the zoo has special events in the evening. Members get in free. Since I have to work late afternoon at the senior place tomorrow and don't get off until 6, I will head to the zoo and see what the special stuff is like. I am probably going to the zoo too much, but whatever.

Well, I need to go start cooking dinner. I'll pop back in later.

I hope everyone had a decent day and has a decent night.

Goodnight couch. I'm sorry for being such an awful person lately. I won't be around for a couple of days because H and I are travelling back home tomorrow, finally. H has loved this vacation, which is good.

Squirrel...I think that if you feel good at the zoo, then it's a healthy way to
1) exercise, because you are walking around
2) elevate your mood
3) use your mind, because you are learning things about the animals
4) helping, because you are supporting them with your membership
5) being social, because you are meeting new people...

and the list can go on and on.

I think you are AWESOME for keeping yourself occupied and doing something you love.

(((apt)))

Mastodon Awful is an oxymoron.