[rainbow8]

I don't want to waste the session like I did last week. I know that session is over with, but my urge is to tell her how I felt about it but that may cause me to waste this week's session too.

Possibilities:

1. I could tell her that I didn't like the way she talked to me about my H and talk more about our relationship (though there's not much more to say).

2. I could talk about fears about my grandson's surgery on Wednesday.

3. I could talk about fears about my trip.

4. I could talk about separation, and do more SE about it.

5. I could talk about an incident that I've wanted to discuss for a long time. It's not a big deal but it's on my mind.

6. I could talk about how her saying "emailing isn't good because of the work we're doing" depresses me very much.

7. I could talk about why I haven't painted for a long time.

We can do the SE about any of the above, I think.

I kind of think anything other than no.4 is going to leave me frustrated. My main issue right now is being able to cope with life on my own, without having a T. If I keep avoiding it, the time will pass and I will be sorry.

I'm interested in suggestions as to how to have a productive session. Thanks.

The other topics are important too. Everything is important but there's never enough time and I don't want to waste the session again.

[boredporcupine]

My general rule of thumb is that whatever is going on in the present in your relationship with your T is the most important thing to talk about.

[CantExplain]

A T session without an agenda can be very productive. It can help build the T relationship.

[growlycat]

sounds like if you don't discuss #4, it will nag at you all week.
Any other topic may just be skirting the biggest issue

(for example, the email discussion really IS about #4 when you think about it

Hugs!

[sweepy62]

i always go with a list of things i want to discuss but its hard when we only get an hour because one topic can take an hour and go into the next session lol

[Asiablue]

How would it be to go in without an agenda? Let her lead and see where it takes you.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

How would it be to go in without an agenda? Let her lead and see where it takes you.

An interesting experiment. But T might refuse to lead.

[mixedup_emotions]

I'd imagine it would be helpful to at least mention each of those points and then pick the first couple that come to mind at the time that are the greatest priority - and then give yourself a time limit to discuss each. Even if you don't get to the rest, the idea of mentioning it at least has it "out there" which may relieve some the anxiety of not being able to get to it.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by boredporcupine

My general rule of thumb is that whatever is going on in the present in your relationship with your T is the most important thing to talk about.

Thanks, bp. T usually asks me how I'm feeling right now!

Originally Posted by CantExplain

A T session without an agenda can be very productive. It can help build the T relationship.

Thank you. That's true sometimes but it can backfire also. I don't need to build up the T relationship anymore; I need to start separating from my T.

Originally Posted by growlycat

sounds like if you don't discuss #4, it will nag at you all week.
Any other topic may just be skirting the biggest issue

(for example, the email discussion really IS about #4 when you think about it

Hugs!

Thank you, growly. You're probably right.

Originally Posted by sweepy62

i always go with a list of things i want to discuss but its hard when we only get an hour because one topic can take an hour and go into the next session lol

Thanks, sweepy. Yes, there is never enough time in a session. Sigh. Even with 90 minutes.

Originally Posted by Asiablue

How would it be to go in without an agenda? Let her lead and see where it takes you.

Lots of times I have no agenda and she will want to do SE about how I'm feeling at the moment in the room with her. I suppose I can do that but the feelings from last week are gnawing at me. I think I have to at least tell them to her.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

An interesting experiment. But T might refuse to lead.

My T won't refuse.

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

I'd imagine it would be helpful to at least mention each of those points and then pick the first couple that come to mind at the time that are the greatest priority - and then give yourself a time limit to discuss each. Even if you don't get to the rest, the idea of mentioning it at least has it "out there" which may relieve some the anxiety of not being able to get to it.

I think I have to do that. I find it almost impossible to set time limits on subjects, though. Then I feel like I didn't "finish" anything.

I got up too early and I'm tired. That doesn't help. I don't think my allergy pill worked or else I forgot to take it. Yuk. At least T didn't cancel my appointment. I always check online first thing.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

A T session without an agenda can be very productive. It can help build the T relationship.

Yes, I'm reading a book about making decisions and it mentions taking away the choices one is so focused on so you can see a bigger picture; what if you were not allowed to talk about any of those choices :-)

I don't think you can force a good session; it has a rhythm and timing of its own.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Perna

Yes, I'm reading a book about making decisions and it mentions taking away the choices one is so focused on so you can see a bigger picture; what if you were not allowed to talk about any of those choices :-)

That's very interesting, Perna. I'm not sure what I'd talk about without those choices. Maybe--that I hate my T. Something insignificant like that! Or: I think I'm ready to die. I'm just a little depressed right now.

[skysblue]

I tend to make lists and feel like I need to cross everything off my list so I 'accomplished' what I wanted in session.

But, I've found that sessions in which I zip through a list are not the most productive. Even if everything on list seems wildly important.

What I'm trying to do, and keep forgetting to do but when I remember to do it, is extremely helpful - 'sit' before session with eyes closed in a comfortable chair and 'visit each topic in your mind. Go very slowly and get into the emotions that they evoke. The topic with the biggest emotional 'charge' is probably the one to choose.

Actually, if the list is long it's probably a good thing to do this exercise the day before so that you have time to address each issue in your own self.

An added benefit - being 'mindful' like this helps not only to identify the deepest emotions but also will eventually bring insight into those same feelings.

[Littlemeinside]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I don't want to waste the session like I did last week. I know that session is over with, but my urge is to tell her how I felt about it but that may cause me to waste this week's session too.

Possibilities:

1. I could tell her that I didn't like the way she talked to me about my H and talk more about our relationship (though there's not much more to say).

2. I could talk about fears about my grandson's surgery on Wednesday.

3. I could talk about fears about my trip.

4. I could talk about separation, and do more SE about it.

5. I could talk about an incident that I've wanted to discuss for a long time. It's not a big deal but it's on my mind.

6. I could talk about how her saying "emailing isn't good because of the work we're doing" depresses me very much.

7. I could talk about why I haven't painted for a long time.

We can do the SE about any of the above, I think.

I kind of think anything other than no.4 is going to leave me frustrated. My main issue right now is being able to cope with life on my own, without having a T. If I keep avoiding it, the time will pass and I will be sorry.

I'm interested in suggestions as to how to have a productive session. Thanks.

The other topics are important too. Everything is important but there's never enough time and I don't want to waste the session again.

Right now you actually have a T and are in DBT (?) Yet, you are basically asking us to cope for you? Make a desicion of what to talk about in your next session. Why not use some DBT skills and talk to your T about how you are feeling, while still in T? Only you know what´s important, and you already realise that you " waste" sessions. This would be an opportunity, to " practice coping on your own"

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by Littlemeinside

Right now you actually have a T and are in DBT (?) Yet, you are basically asking us to cope for you? Make a desicion of what to talk about in your next session. Why not use some DBT skills and talk to your T about how you are feeling, while still in T? Only you know what´s important, and you already realise that you " waste" sessions. This would be an opportunity, to " practice coping on your own"

I wasn't asking for anyone to make my decision for me! I wanted to post what I was feeling and get some feedback because I like the people on this forum and I like to share my therapeutic journey with them. I hardly ever waste my sessions. I can probably cope on my own but there is no reason to give up PC at the same time I am working on separating from my T.

[rainbow8]

I had my session and I got through almost everything on my list plus!
My T is willing to do scheduling via phone instead of email.
She clarified what she said about my H. She's NOT pushing me to get divorced at all!

We did SE about the incident I wanted to, and about separation too. I told her about "hating her" which is about everything she "took away" from me. I said she lied to me. I know she feels bad about what she did, and so do I. I knew better she did, that giving me so much of what I wanted may backfire, and she agreed. I feel better about our relationship even though I'm her job. She didn't deny that fact this time.

Somehow I feel closer to her again even though therapy is unfair! I told her that, and was glad to "get it out". I think she had tears in her eyes at one point but I'm not sure when.

I almost cried about something, not to do with her, but I pushed that feeling away and couldn't get it back. It was about saying "no" to someone in my past. She wanted me to visualize it a different way.

So, today was much better than last week!

[sittingatwatersedge]

(((((((((( rainbow ))))))))))