Did T really "lie" to me?

Thank-you Rainbow for giving us a better idea of what you want (and don't want). I mean that. I genuinely thought you wanted feedback on your T's strategies (or what she should have known) from the way you worded your initial post, and this is why I posted what I did. I was trying to be helpful and answer what I thought you were asking as a question. As someone else mentioned, I think specifically asking for the kind of responses you want would be helpful. I like responding to you specifically because I really empathize and can relate to some of your struggles around attachment. I used to have my own "pattern" and I know what helped *me* overcome *my* pattern, so sometimes I offer my own perspective in the hopes that maybe the things that helped me will help others, too. But if my opinion is hurting rather than helping, that's the last thing I want to do!

Just to explain what I mean about asking for what you want, I quoted the lines in your initial post that I thought meant you wanted feedback on your T's behavior/technique.


Because I thought those were important realizations that you felt strongly about, my intention was to respond to and validate those realizations. I was trying to validate your feelings that "she should have known" and that "maybe it was her inexperience" and, had she never put boundaries around things like e-mail and hand-holding, you might "never be ready" to gradually give them up. I was not trying to introduce *new* criticisms of your T or even my own unique perspective-- I was simply trying to validate (and agree with) what I thought your reactions/feelings were. I thought you had come to the realization that maybe your T had not handled things well-- and that you were now feeling hurt and lied to as a result-- and I was trying to say "I understand why you feel that way; I think you may be right when you say you knew better than her."

In the future, just make it clear what you want (or don't want) and, at least I, will respond accordingly (or choose not respond). I don't want to give you responses you find hurtful and unhelpful. By phrasing your title as a question and then saying the things I highlighted above, I really thought I was responding in the way that you were looking for. But, as you pointed out, that's not what you wanted. So, just let us know what you want, and you'll probably get a better result.

You know, you got one hug on your OP. And a lot of answers that sound like they just answer the thread title, so I wonder if people (aside from the hugger and I) really read and comprehended the post? Because the thesis doesnt come together until almost at the end. It's like the reader has to hold all the points made in her head - which occurred over time - until you put it all together in a statement to your t, where you finally "get" what therapy is about. It's not an easy read. But I'm not handing out a lot of A's on this one.

Eta: hmm, I just read the end of your answer to scorpiosis. I still think the reader should respond to the post, not just the title, but that's just me. I usually include other threads by the same poster.

But if you don't have that IRL and a therapist attempts to fulfill/replace the needs and wants that would otherwise be provided by people IRL, would this not *potentially* lead someone to not seek this in IRL because they already have it? Does this not potentially take away the motivation (and freedom, in a way) to do this?

If you don't have it, why go out and seek it if you have it in your therapist? But since the therapist isn't always going to be there (and as has been shown on the forum, at times, may not always give the same amount of themselves down the road), then maybe not getting all of this from one's therapist can help *encourage* people to at least seek it elsewhere, as hard as it can be to find sometimes?