[Freewilled]

Sometimes I think about how sadistic therapy can be...Like - I sit there and go deeper into pain each week and my T encourages it and can offer only some empathy, maybe some coping skills and he watches it.all. Does T like to see that? I'm guessing no but I am seriously hoping for it to pay off. The pain can be excruciating...

After its out there - does that allow it to really heal or does it just scab over? Sorry to be so graphic but sometimes I really feel like I'm having surgery with no anesthetic I wish T would at least hold my hand...

(((Freewilled)))

I think that most Ts (I know all Ts are different and this may not be true for all of them) live for the moment when the client's pain starts to go away after all that hard work. I think very few of them get off on the pain itself - it just wouldn't be possible to deliver good therapy if they didn't feel empathy for the client.

From what I understand it actually does heal. Really. It's the scabbing over hurting places that leads to a need for therapy in the first place, if you see what I mean.

I'm really sorry you are hurting so very much.

Here's a website that has provided very useful information for me, which includes a bunch of case histories for clients who did get better: About Psychotherapy. I used to think that the guy who wrote it must be too good to be true, but my current T seems to work much along the same lines.

[stopdog]

I believe it is in part barbaric and in part snake oil/placebo. I think it just gives some one something that makes it seem like one is doing something. As for therapists, I think some may believe they are empathic and some clients may like believing in empathy and when those two beliefs match up, then perhaps it helps both in different ways.

[WikidPissah]

Do you think maybe you can back up and breathe? It's okay to tell T that it is getting really painful. Sometimes a t can take a session to reassure you or comfort you.

Sorry you are hurting!

[boredporcupine]

I actually think most therapy is more painful than it needs to be, but it's not because T's love pain. I think it's because they either don't know how to make the process less painful, or because people expect stuff to be more dramatic than it really has to be.

It's interesting to me that in IFS, if the client is in a lot of pain, it means they are too "blended" with a part and the T needs to help them unblend. Likewise I think in Somatic Experiencing, if something is feeling intolerable it means you are trying to go too fast or the client isn't sufficiently resourced. In general I think therapy can be less painful, it just means slowing down and drawing more on whatever makes the client feel calmer and stronger.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

Sometimes I think about how sadistic therapy can be...Like - I sit there and go deeper into pain each week and my T encourages it and can offer only some empathy, maybe some coping skills and he watches it.all. Does T like to see that? I'm guessing no but I am seriously hoping for it to pay off. The pain can be excruciating...

After its out there - does that allow it to really heal or does it just scab over? Sorry to be so graphic but sometimes I really feel like I'm having surgery with no anesthetic I wish T would at least hold my hand...

I can tell that my therapist is concerned and very empathetic about the amount of emotional pain I experience during therapy. I have the reassuring knowledge that my therapist has also been through 15 years of therapy when she was younger, so, I know for a fact that she knows something about this hard work, this pain, from my side of the fence too.

I also think of therapy exactly as surgery without anesthetic, because I've done therapy dissociated, which is just like using something to numb the pain, and that therapy did not feel healing in general. Now, my therapy is full of pain, but I liken therapy to using a scalpel on me, a tool carefully crafted for this painful work, instead of just bandaging up a wound that won't heal on it's own, or sawing away, which is trying to process it alone or carelessly.

After it is out, the cancers, the festering wounds, we absolutely heal, if we are supported, support ourselves, work through it, integrate it into our lives and use it to make affirming choices, in my experience.

[Perna]

I found taking a different perspective helped with my pain. I sometimes had to remind myself to take a step backward, remember it was the past and not actually happening now and could not hurt me anymore. It was good I could experience my pain from back then so first-hand but getting the bigger picture and looking at what was going on instead of just experiencing was more helpful.

[MoxieDoxie]

Originally Posted by WikidPissah

Do you think maybe you can back up and breathe? It's okay to tell T that it is getting really painful. Sometimes a t can take a session to reassure you or comfort you.

Sorry you are hurting!

Yeah...my T has backed off two weeks now because when processing some trauma it caused regression in my negative coping behavoirs and suicidal thoughts. It has helped so much just doing other work and backing off from past memories.

[growlycat]

I once told T the same thing--like surgery without anesthetic!!!

Originally Posted by Freewilled

Sometimes I think about how sadistic therapy can be...Like - I sit there and go deeper into pain each week and my T encourages it and can offer only some empathy, maybe some coping skills and he watches it.all. Does T like to see that? I'm guessing no but I am seriously hoping for it to pay off. The pain can be excruciating....

I think the lyrics from Gone, Gone, Gone are more accurate for what our Ts do. Well, mine at least:

If you need help,
Your hope dangling by a string
I'll share in your suffering
To make you well.

I think getting it out there does help in the long run. I hope things improve for you soon.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

After its out there - does that allow it to really heal or does it just scab over?

That had been my fear too. I asked my T if I wasn't just exacerbating my pain by bringing up painful stuff. It seemed counterintuitive to me to focus on that very stuff that hurt so badly. It made no sense to me.

But I trusted my T enough to keep going even though I was skeptical. And you know what - the healing CAN occur. If the wounds are not brought out to fresh air they're more likely to fester and become more and more toxic.

And like any physical wound, the cleaning up of the injury to allow the healing can be very painful initially.

So, hang in there.

[angustios101]

I actually just read this OP before heading out to Ts and now I'm back from my session and I brought up whether she thought therapy was sadistic in a way because I struggle with going to Therapy since it takes me the whole session to get going and then when I get going I usually end up crying and then "oh, our time is up" and I leave all vulnerable and shaking. So yes I tend to think it's a bit sadistic since I keep going back and repeating the same pattern over and over again. Anyway, my T said, obviously, that therapy was not sadistic and then worked on some calming skills to get me out the door ok. So I guess that helped a bit.

On a related note though, I often think my T is not listening to me or finds what I'm saying boring; does this occur to anyone else? My T hasn't outright said she's bored but she just looks kind of bored...

[Leah123]

Hi, angustios. I'm glad you got to work on calming skills: I think they're critical, otherwise therapy can be excruciating even more than it needs to be! I had a therapist once who nodded off during sessions. Sheesh!!! I was a teenager and not assertive enough to call her out on her behavior. My therapist now never seems bored, she tells me I'm not too much for her, it's an honor to hear my story, and she really cares. I can tell she's listening intently, which isn't to say she's never a bit tired or anything, but I do not doubt her interest level at all. I would suggest mentioning it to your therapist: I find it helpful to work through these perceptions.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by Freewilled

sometimes I really feel like I'm having surgery with no anesthetic ..

No anaesthic.
No surgical gown,
and no anesthetic to hide from you the fact that you don't have one. Oh brother has my T not gotten an earful from me aboutt this.

(((((((((((((( freewilled ))))))))))))) under the scab, the new flesh grows, healthy and alive. You are so brave to keep going when it's SO. HARD.

But - you're doing it!!

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by angustios101

I actually just read this OP before heading out to Ts and now I'm back from my session and I brought up whether she thought therapy was sadistic in a way because I struggle with going to Therapy since it takes me the whole session to get going and then when I get going I usually end up crying and then "oh, our time is up" and I leave all vulnerable and shaking. ...

angustios, if you don't mind, what did yr T say?

[angustios101]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

angustios, if you don't mind, what did yr T say?

She laughed and said of course it's not sadistic (haha). Then we worked on calming skills before I left which helped a bit. She emphasized that whatever happens in therapy with emotions, i need to learn how to manage them as they come up and not dwell on the session after I walk out the door. Easier said than done.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by angustios101

She emphasized that whatever happens in therapy with emotions, i need to learn how to manage them as they come up and not dwell on the session after I walk out the door. Easier said than done.

Just an aside, but it is a really weird feeling when that happens; it's like, "Now what the heck am I supposed to think about????" You just listen to the crickets in your mind when you're on your way home from therapy sessions. Very spooky at first.

[~EnlightenMe~]

It feels cruel, that they can pull up painful parts and then do nothing about it but watch us fall. And then it happens all over again. I am immobilized, I don't even want to see anybody. This sucks, I hate it with a passion. Words can't help heal the feeling that people KNOW you are in pain and are letting it happen. I just can't get around that, but whatever.

[sittingatwatersedge]

[quote=Antimatter;3189258] It feels cruel, that they can pull up painful parts and then do nothing about it but watch us fall. And then it happens all over again. quote]

antimatter, I know it does.

but what if .... in time...... you don't fall ...... just once?

that's a cause for thinking and celebration.

and one time ... can become two...

[~EnlightenMe~]

((Sawe))

I don't care anymore if I am in pain or whatever. What does it matter? I hate to be this way, but this is how it feels. I have nothing to grasp onto, no knowledge, I don't know what is going on with me. I just don't want to be.