Possible trigger (I wonder what t thinks when you are processing

CSa and you don't shed a tear. I recently started CSa and out of all the things to learn I have learned to hold back tears I have learned to turn them to humor or anger and I think she has noticed this but won't say anything I feel choked up but I quickly turn it around and I know it's not healthy but the question is is she thinking my CSa didn't emotionally hurt much

I always "announce" to my t that I'm feeling choked up or teary eyed, whatever the topic, because we dont sit that close to each other where he might notice it, and I rarely start crying. I think it's important to just keep them up to date on what you are feeling.

I ask my T this all the time actually because I get paranoid that she doesn't believe me. When we talk about the abuse I endured, I get very stone faced and numb to it. I don't cry when I talk about it and I actually don't allow myself to cry almost ever. She said that even though I don't cry, it is very apparent to her that I am strongly emotionally effected by it. She also says that I have been conditioned not to cry as a kid because I didn't grow up in an environment where crying was acceptable.

Tears are not the only indication we are hurting; turning serious, painful material into humor or anger is an indication as is your facial expressions (or lack thereof) and other body language, your tone of voice, etc. I don't think you can fool or hide from a good therapist.

I think it is fairly normal for people who have abuse histories to be detached to their feelings concerning the abuse. I assume it is a common thing that ts see. My t know that I have a hard time connecting my emotions t the event.. So , is good at asking what I am feeling. My lack I'd emotions to one particular event is what lead to our field trip this week to the spot of the rape.

Wow that's cool that you are able to announce that in real time. I've once told her that a session ago I felt like crying and running away and she was overjoyed that I was able to share even that much about my feelings. I wish I wasn't so scared to open up.

T's are trained to notice defense mechanisms which is what anger, humor and sarcasm would seem to be in this situation.

That one I see does not believe me when I tell her I feel nothing even though I really don't feel anything. I would not think it usual for the therapist to think it does not have an impact on you regardless of your outward demeanor.

Thank you all for your openness as this is difficult for me I turn my emotions into sarcasm humor anger anything but crying and I feel like just hiding under her desk lol the last thing I want her to think is that is that I minimize my past and you guys help me as I tell her that u are my support network because not even my h knows my secrets

Over the years I've taken a lot of my trigger-topics and formed light-hearted ways to talk about them with other people. So if they come up in conversation I can say something rather "happy" sounding and then move on. Inside I'll be triggered and upset, but outwardly I'll be talking fairly normally.

It doesn't work so well if the person knows more information already, because then I sorta panic cause I don't know how to hide things. So sometimes I'll get angry or do what I can to switch the topic. haha.

Basically, I'll say or do just about anything I can think of to avoid talking about something that makes me feel too uncomfortable and will do ANYTHING I can to make sure I don't cry.

That's exactly what I do I randomly Chang topics but my t calls me out and veers me back into the conversation but I refuse to cry I would feel so embarrassed OMG