[Sailaway]

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Hello, this is my first post here and I could use some suggestions. I've been in therapy for six months and although I've started being more honest and open I still can't put into words (written or otherwise) specific memories that I know continue to effect the present. I was just wondering if anyone had any suggestions as to how to just open up and not be afraid to trust. I really like this lady and she has often been a light during some dark moments but what she wants me to talk about is awful. Her office is my "safe" place and now that she knows more about me I get a bit aprehensive in always telling the whole truth. I'm reminded on a weekly basis that our time together is about me and my story but I'm not really keen on the "all about me thing and that this is all a process." I'm in the military, my life is centered around structure and maintaing control. I've been deployed to many different places to include Iraq and have experienced some less than pleasent events but sitting in her office for an hour every week seems like the most difficult task I have ever undertaken. I led troops in combat, made split second decisions that affected the lives of real people but what always holds me back is the past. I don't know how to let go. Sometimes I think that if I let everything go I won't be strong. I don't feel like a survivor of anything or even like I deserve to be. My outsides never match my insides. I fear the rage of my own emotions because I've never let myself lose control. My means for staying in control aren't so healthy nor are they working anymore and I need help. Sorry this turned into a journal entry but maybe this will help too. Thanks for reading.

~Sailway

[pegasus]

Sailaway,

Welcome to Psych Central!

You do have a very good understanding of the therapy process and what your problems are.

If you explain this to your therapist she may give you some grounding techniques to help you to stay in the here-and-now, between and during therapy sessions.

You can take some things with you to therapy that help you to feel safe. I take a bag with me with things that are a comfort, or help me to stay grounded.

It is difficult to talk and your T will be aware of this.

I find drawing, writing poetry, and writing a diary very helpful. You could write down your feelings and show that to your therapist.

Writing things down really helps.

Take care.

[Twinks]

Sailaway,

The best advice I can give you is to try and not be goal oriented in therapy. I'm a very goal oriented person and found that therapy started really working when I gave up trying to control it.

I know this is hard. And it is something that will come in time. You have to let the thing evolve at it's own pace.

The "tool" that you need, and we all need is surrender. It can't really be earned. It's a free gift that comes in time.
You are doing well on your journey. Don't get discouraged. It will unfold at the right time and pace for you.

Buy the way, thank you for your service to our country.

Best of luck
Twinks

[(JD)]

<font color="blue"> All in good time, sailaway. Being military,,current military might make this more difficult, in that it will take more time to trust. But after only 6 months and you know your T's office is a safe place? That's good, imo!

Maybe share that you give her truth, yet might not share ALL of the story. That could help you feel like you are doing the best you can, which is all any of us can do.

[Rhapsody]

Hang in there....... it will all come together in time - I PROMISE!!
I personally had to spend ten years in T to get through my major blockage and then I was sent onto the wonderful path of healing.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - ((( hugs )))

Im glad you find your therapist office as a safe place I usually know right away if my therapist office is going to be a safe place just by what the therapist has for rules concerning confidentiality and so on. Then sometimes i feel a connection with that therapist right away and other times it takes time to build up trust on both the clients and therapist sides.

I have been seeing my present therapist LL now for 2 and a half years and I still find times when I cant find the right words to explain things to her even though I feel her office building is very safe and I am safe when I am with her and that both LL and I trust each other. What helps is that I write. I keep a journal and sometimes I share my journal entries with LL. Other times I write directly to her. Maybe writing is an option for you.

hang in there

[Evangelista]

Welcome to PC Sailaway..

Therapy is a process...give yourself time....the control and structure..the objective you... that has been reinforced thru your career..will have to slowly and gently give way to the process of therapy. Allow yourself the oppurtunity to grow and heal, as you continue to serve, and give it time, the pace is totally up to you on what you can handle and when and your Therapist knows this.

I traveled the world as a military spouse for 20 yrs, along with working for the DOD for many yrs, I initially started therapy within that structured enviroment, my T's wore uniforms, and offer my heartfelt wishes go out to you as you begin the process of healing, while serving. It sounds like you have started developing a trusting relationship with a caring professional who will help you along the way...and considering the challenges you have already overcome by just excepting the oppurtunity that Therapy can offer..really Sailaway..is wonderful...remember the most basic of military commands probably for you will be the hardest to follow..as I observed this with other military when I was in treatment is...'At Ease Soldier"..this is your time..again best wishes and take care..

Eva