Should therapists yell at their clients?

I say "never".. a t should never yell at their client.

they should know much better ways to deal with their client than to yell at them.

a t yell at me and that would be the last time i'd sit their chair

if I want yelled at.... I can visit my family..why pay for someone to yell at ya when you can be yelled at for free....

Wow that is totaly inappropriate. I´m sorry your T did this to you it had to feel awful.

Everybody is entitled to their feelings nobody can say what other people can feel or not including Ts. So of course they can feel angry. But acting on it is completely different matter and yelling at client is so not ok and should not be tolerated in my opinion.

Absolutely not.

I just don't think anyone should yell at anyone at all.

Hi Tollhouse,

The only place were yelling 'may' be needed is if a therapist is under threat of immediate harm from a client or perhaps as a reaction to try and stop a client from doing something to immediately harm themselves whilst in the room....but even in those circumstances it's not always appropriate and may make the situation worse.

When you say 'yell'.....did this therapist shout very loudly and angrily or was it a raise in voice that sounded a bit more serious or stern?
A therapist really has no right to yell at any client, however they may sometimes get annoyed (they are only human) and their tone can change when they are frustrated but that wouldn't be considered yelling and can still be very counter productive etc.

A therapist should not yell or shout at a client who has a hard time opening up, as this will usually mean they feel even more anxious about it. Clients have every right to be angry, its a valid emotion and as long as its not threatening towards the therapist (although angry towards a therapist is still valid) it should be allowed to be expressed in the room in a safe way. Yelling for overstepping boundaries is also not appropriate, although if it was something extreme, like stalking or interfering with a theraists family life it may be understandable that they react out of emotions...again however its not really what should be done, even though it would be understandable in some ways.

No matter if a client is new or old in term of how long they have been seeing a therapist, yelling at a client is not acceptable, unless it is un extreme circumstances and even then it isnt really the right way to handle it.

Therapists should try to always remain as calm as possible, although sometimes they need to challenge us, but that does not mean they have to yell or shout. Howveer they are only human and mistake happen.

I agree with everyone else, yelling should never be okay.
And raising tone of voice should be used cautiously.
I had a t once who raised his voice at me during a time that I needed gentleness. It really messed me up and made me feel worse.

And no t should ever make their client feel bad, in my opinion. They should help the client to realize what they have done or been doing was wrong but they should not try to make their client feel worse!

I'm sorry you had this experience. Do you want to tell us more about it?

I suppose it could be said everyone has a right to be angry.
Ts are part of "everyone."
But if the T is doing their job right, they won't get angry at hte client. Anger at the client is a sign that the T can't keep their stuff separate from the session. We pay them to make the session about us, not them.

This isn't necessarily fatal, but hte T should recognize it, and remediate it.

I think Ts can get angry. It's how they express it though.

Can you give an example of where a T might get angry and it wouldn't involve their issues. Where it would be an okay thing.

My T said he can feel the full range of human emotions in the room and I need to allow him to be someone who can feel angry. But that doesn't mean he will get angry with me and direct it at me.

An example: he might get angry on my behalf at something that's happened to me.

T's will have feelings of anger, just like anyone else. I assume my T has had anger towards me on occasion, and that's okay. I can't say I've been particularly aware when he's been angry because he takes care of his own feelings, but there is no rule that just because a person is feeling anger that the other person is necessarily even aware of it. Anger is perfectly normal, and as long as the therapist handles their own anger appropriately, it is fine.

I can see TR's example of her T being angry FOR her. I actually have been in that situation, and I'm not sure whether it's therapeutic for me, or if it feeds MY anger, which isn't all that therapeutic. But I also like her being angry FOR me. I don't know.

If your T means in allowing all emotions to allow him to be mad at the client, I don't agree.

I think while I agree in part is 1914, I think I disagree in principle.

I agree Ts will have feelings of anger, but I don't think the therapy session is just like everywhere else. Part of what we pay for is the training for htem to keep their stuff out of the client's sessions. I agree they may get angry on occasion, and if handling it appropriately means doing their work outside of the session, and not bringing it into the session, I agree with you. I think getting angry and not dealing with it is worse - it seeps in in covert ways.

I think it is possible, with good training and understanding, for a T to not get angry at client's, perhaps with an occasional slip up which they recognize, own and address on their own before any damage is done. I also would expect a T to recognize that if they are angry, it is their stuff, and not about me, and be able to proceed until they have time to process things.

I agree all people get angry sometimes.
I agree Ts are people.
I don't agree that anger in the therapy session is just like anger outside the therapy session, or with other acquaintances.
All people are sexual too, but that's not acceptable in the therapy session. All people are happy too, but I don't expect my T to bring his latest joy into my therapy session either (with exceptions for sharing being a new grandparent or something momentary like that).
The client-therapist relationship isn't reciprocal in the way other relationships are reciprocal. The exchange is I pay the T, and the T lets the session be all about me. That's the contract. IT's different than rules of connection with family friends, etc. Frankly, I also think it should apply to all professionals (doctors, lawyers, accountants), but other professionals aren't as trained in how to deal with it. A good T should know how to handle it.

I'm not saying it never happens with good Ts (I'll ignore the bad Ts) I'm saying it's not therapeutic, and it's not good practice. I will concede that the T recognizing, owning, and remediating his anger can strengthen the therapeutic relationship, the client able to know that the T won't project and transfer his stuff. But only if the T recognizes, owns and remediates - then that process can be helpful, but not the actual anger

I could see where in the right moment if my T yelled, " g-d damn it precious I don't want you to effing die!". That might have some therapeutic resonance but if it was "g-d damn it precious, I'm busy with another client don't call me!" I would recoil and die in horror.

So, context, content and delivery are what matter for me.

Syra, I don't think anyone disagrees with you. That is what we are saying too.

I don't see what a therapist would have to be angry at a client over other than physical attack or non-payment of fees. I suppose they claim to have feelings like anyone else, but it seems to me if the therapist is getting angry at a client or over a client's stuff, then they need to readjust themselves and remember just what their role in the situation is.

yea. okay. I'll go along with that. that's an exception I can live with.

Oh, okay. Funny (really, not so much) how nuance and our own experiences filter what we hear.

I understand that it is different for different people. But if a therapist yelled either of those at me - I would be all wtf? Either one is not useful to me. I can possibly understand the second one better than the first. For me, a main thrust is always it is my life - it is not the therapist's life - what a therapist wants or doesn't want is of no relevance or use to me.

Well, I don't believe a T should yell AT a client and especially one that has suffered abuse or a hostile childhood.

I was having a transference reaction based on my childhood. I was "scared" and attributing negative things to T.
Ever get in that "little space" then shut-down, then try to fight back, and then totally shut down?

I am 20ish and this T is like 60. ......So, "ripe" for transference.

Instead of being gentle and working through it, T started yelling at me with swear words.

Yelling only makes things worse and a client shut down more. No T ever yelled at me when I was "stuck" ....

Perhaps T has limited training/experience with abuse victims, then T lied. Had about 6 sessions,..... that was the last one.

Are you going to try a different (better trained) one? I hear good ones are sometimes found and I hope you find one if you are looking.

That is really awful Tollhouse. I hope that you have a more empathetic T this time around!

Tollhouse,
I hope you don't blame yourself for this. Your t still had a lot if work to do in his or her own therapy. I don't think their is any excuse for getting angry or rather letting that anger enter a therapy room. Therapy is about healing not shaming or making the client feel guilty by yelling at them. Of course ts can get angry, they are human but they should be able to control their feelings.

My t has raised her voice when she's been angry on my behalf. She's got agitated a few times with me and scolded me when she's trying to get me to see what I'm doing.

Tollhouse, that sounds awful. I think it's worth talking to your T about it and seeing if there's any kind of explanation, which there really ought to be - but I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to find someone new.

Just to be clear: I'm not saying I don't believe you. But please do talk to your T. I've had so many experiences where my T hasn't said what I think he has, or spoken in the way I think he has. I hope that's what's happened here.