Does your spouse know you go to therapy?

This question is prompted by my thought that if I went to therapy, I'd rather not let my husband know. Childish, dishonest, I know, but it's how I feel deep down. My husband would be supportive but something about him knowing bothers me.

Has anyone had similar thoughts? If you didn't tell your spouse, did that work well for you or was it a disaster?

I have an ex that was not supportive of me going to therapy, so I did not tell her when I went. My wife knows though. I don't necessarily talk about what I address in therapy, but she knows I go and is very supportive of it.
I could picture myself maybe keeping it from her at first, but I am not sure I would be able to avoid talking about it at some point. Your husband doesn't have to know you are going, but you may want to examine why that is in therapy. You may find you want to tell him at some point, or you may want to keep it from him forever. It's an individual thing...

My (now-ex) husband and I went to a marriage counselor who later became my individual therapist. My husband felt very threatened by the idea of me being in therapy, told me repeatedly that I was being brainwashed, etc.

I ended up divorcing him, after nearly 15 years of marriage - and for quite some time afterwards, he made comments, told me that therapy ruined me - ruined us - and, on occasion, made threats. It was quite ugly.

As much as it hurt to hear how he reacted to me being in therapy, I can't imagine keeping it from him.

When I first started therapy, I told my spouse I was going to go to therapy and he said he would too. I was very hurt by things in the marriage and didn't know what to do or where to turn. So we both said we would get professional help. He ended up not going to therapy and I did. He never expressed interest in my therapy or inquired about how it was going or even if I was going, so I didn't bring it up. But he was told at the outset that I planned to go. I paid with cash instead of using our joint checking account because I didn't want him to know when and how frequently I was going. If he had inquired or expressed interest, it might have been different. Later I stopped therapy, and then at some point began with a new therapist. I did not share that I had a new T with my H. Honestly, he had ZERO interest in my life, and I didn't force it on him. Eventually when we were getting divorced, I told him how much therapy had helped me, and he didn't seem bummed out that he hadn't known all the details of who I was seeing, how often, etc. So I would have to say it caused no problems that he was not informed of my therapy. I do feel therapy is quite personal and I don't think the spouse has to know details. Emily, if you feel reluctant to tell your H at first, it is OK to respect that. Or maybe just a brief, "I've been feeling down lately and am going to see a counselor" would suffice. Maybe when you are more comfortable with therapy, you can share more with your H. You can have a chance to explore with your therapist why it bothers you for your H to know. That's what therapists are for! Good luck.

My hubby knows. He was the one who sent my email to T for this therapy chapter, as I was too scared to push send(!)

My husband knows and is supportive.

I think it only fair that my wife knows. After all, she's paying half!

My husband knows and is very supportive and has even sat in one of my sessions.

My partner knows and is therapy too. We discuss a lot of what comes up with each other. Not everything and not right away but a lot. It's been helpful to have good emotional support outside of each other and we each notice if the other hasn't gone for a while. Due to vacations and scheduling issues I've only seen my T once in the last month and she hasn't seen hers at all (we usually go weekly) and I'm really, really happy for both of is that a normal schedule should be resuming this week!

There is no need for me to tell my husband since I'm not paying anything for therapy now. And I don't see why I would want to tell him; I may be shirking my duty as a spouse when I don't let him know, but on the other hand, him knowing would make my therapy less effective so I don't really have any moral qualms about it. (I have been in therapy before, with him knowing, so I do know what I'm talking about.) There are no practical problems associated with this, as my sessions are in the mornings before my workday starts, two days a week, when he's at work. I don't need to tell lies about where I'm going since it wouldn't occur to him to ask - I guess outright lying would make it problematic.

I don't understand what is childish about this. Dishonest, yes, in an absolute sense, but in another sense, not particularly.

Emily and Mastodon, what do you think would happen if you told your spouses? Would they judge you? Get angry? Be derisive or otherwise disrespectful about something that is important to you? Be intrusive or disrespectful of your privacy?
Only you know what is right for you of course. But I wonder if this isn't a missed opportunity for greater intimacy in your relationship. Not that you owe them any particular information but if your relationship is generally safe and loving (big if--I know!) it might be nice to know each other better.

Hello I started therapy and didn´t tell my spouse at first. But I was not feeling well and of course he noticed that but didn´t understand it which did cause problems in daily life. After 3 months in I told him and he is trying to be supportive but we don´t talk about the details. For me it was really hard to tell him but I felt I need his support and being alone in it was hard.
We are honest with each other and trust is a big thing as well and not telling felt wrong to me.

But every relationship is different and especialy if there are problems in the relationship that causing you to go to T in the first place maybe not sharing that is the best choice.
Just don´t push yourself to anything you don´t feel like doing and I wish you best of luck in your therapy.

Of course he does. We actually have the same therapist.

How do you keep it from them? I don't think I could lie about the time and the money.

Well, for me, as I said, there's no money involved and also no lies. If I had to lie about it, I would choose not to go to T.

When I paid for therapy, H knew I was going. That was different - and it was really not good. (Derision, intrusiveness, impatience, distrust.) I know what works for me, and what doesn't work. Different things work for different people.

My husband did not know for quite some time. I eventually told him, but I said I would never discuss anything about my sessions with him and I would appreciate if he just kept quiet about it. He is not particularly interested in therapy and does not buy into into it but he keeps all comments to himself. As far as the financial aspect- I pay for it with my separate money-not our joint money and for that reason also, he just stays out of it.

My husband knows I go but thinks it is for cPTSD. He does not know about my bulimia or self harming behaviors. I will hide that till my death.

My husband knows as his and my T work closely together.

Yes he is aware & it has improved our marriage.

my husband knows I am in T but I never talk to him about what I say there. he knows very little about my past.just basic newspaper version

When I first started therapy my husband knew and was ok about it but never really asked much about it. He doesnt really seem to understand depression and how therapy can help. After I felt much better and felt I could cope on my own, I stopped.
Six months ago I felt like I needed to go again and so I started therapy again and have not told my husband. I am paying for it myself and don't feel like he has to know. I suppose that I don't want to tell him as I think he would probably think it's a waste of money, it is expensive but I find it very helpful.
If you don't feel like telling your husband then thats up to you, I wouldnt feel guilty about it.
Therapy really helped me I would advise everyone to give it a go.

Mine knows, and supports my going, and is also supportive of the fact I've had to stop working for a couple of years because things got to crisis state for me mentally. He has struggled with this, because understanding what is wrong is difficult with any mental problem, but he really wanted me to get better so encouraged me to get help. For him it was essential for our relationship that I sought outside help. He was there for me when I needed him, but was reaching the limit of what he could do without feeling overwhelmed. There is only so much you can ask of a person.
I tell him a little of what things are coming out at significant stages in therapy, but he is really focussed on results rather than details.

Yes, my H knows I go. He was the one to suggest I seek help years ago when I was quite depressed. Over the years he's sometimes asked about it, but mostly kept his distance. I've learned to stop telling him about the sessions. He got paranoid (for good reason) for a long time that I was talking about him (I was). I still do, since he's a big part of my life, but I never disclose details to him. I tried to explain why it was so difficult when my precious T terminated me. He openly admitted he didn't understand why I was so upset.

We've also been to marriage T together, which has by turns been disastrous and really helpful, depending on the T.

He didn't know for about 2 years. Then I needed his help getting to a few session since I temporarily couldn't drive. Now for the last half a year, I've mentioned when I'm going to a session more often but never anything about what goes on with therapy.

My wife knows that I go and the general reasons. I don't elaborate on my sessions and she doesn't ask. I think she is a little self conscious that I am talking about her when I am not. My T has nothing to do with her right now.

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