Have you ever combed your T's hair? She said she would consider letting me comb her next week.

Oh and do her nails. Don't forget.

[allme]

This, to me, seems like too much of an intimate act to perform on T and surprised she is even considering it.

This seems really odd and way too intimate to be appropriate. I guess I am wondering what would motivate you to want this and why a T would agree to this. Seems like it would cross all sorts of boundaries of propriety and cause all sorts of confusion.

Yeah..the question I have is how did this even come up and lead to this??

[Solepa]

When I saw this thread without seeing your name first thing that came to my mind was: "I´m sure this thread is from Illegal Toilet" and now I wonder why that seems so obvious.
I think combing T´s hair is far too personal and probably not a good idea at all it could shift the relationship into a place where it should not be in my opinion.

[GeorgiaGirl413]

No, no, no. I can't imagine why your T would even allow such a thing. This seems to cross way too many boundaries. Why would you even want to do such a thing?

[Syra]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

Have you ever combed your T's hair? She said she would consider letting me comb her next week.

Hmm. HOw would it feel to comb her hair? Would it be easier to talk, without looking at her but having some touch connection? Would you feel special among her clients? Would you feel a desire to take care of her in other ways?

[sweepy62]

In my oppinion , just the thought of it gives me the chills in a creepy sort of way, not to say its creepy if you do it, just creepy if I do it or if even my t would even let me do it, I wouldnt want to even touch t hair.

.
Is this a joke? Sometimes I feel as if we are being led on ... for your humor.

That being said, this would gross me out beyond belief. I don't care to touch my T; male or female. Ick.
Although, my T would have a field day with the "transference" involved with this fantasy. Ick.

[unaluna]

But it's something a parent lets a child do. Grooming. That's what gorillas do to show attachment and affection. And cats. I'm not making fun. A t should meet you where you are.

But this isn't a child and the T isn't a parent, no matter how much a client might fantasize about them being a parent. T's don't have to throw out boundaries just to indulge the client's apparent child-like "needs". This seems potentially very confusing for the client in the long run -- one of those loose boundary issues that will come back to bite the T and the client in the butt.

I initially asked if i could and she said she would consider it. I feel as a patient that i should be able to choose her hairstyle because i don't like her current one. Her clothing is acceptable to me.

[stopdog]

I think plenty of therapists have rescue fantasies (some of which may even involve a parenting element on the therapist's) part that can lead them to things like this.
It creeps me out.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I initially asked if i could and she said she would consider it. I feel as a patient that i should be able to choose her hairstyle because i don't like her current one. Her clothing is acceptable to me.

Are you serious or messing with people about this?

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I initially asked if i could and she said she would consider it. I feel as a patient that i should be able to choose her hairstyle because i don't like her current one. Her clothing is acceptable to me.

Okay, yeah, this is just going too far. You don't get to tell your T how to dress or style her hair. What makes your think you even have that right?

Originally Posted by stopdog

Are you serious or messing with people about this?

I agree. This just sounds like a joke.

[allme]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I initially asked if i could and she said she would consider it. I feel as a patient that i should be able to choose her hairstyle because i don't like her current one. Her clothing is acceptable to me.

Are you for real?

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

But this isn't a child and the T isn't a parent, no matter how much a client might fantasize about them being a parent. T's don't have to throw out boundaries just to indulge the client's apparent child-like "needs". This seems potentially very confusing for the client in the long run -- one of those loose boundary issues that will come back to bite the T and the client in the butt.

Well - easy for you to say? Your "needs" not being filled when they should have been aren't interfering with you getting on in life - you have a job and a family. You're functional. You've procreated. We're talking about stuff that is getting in the way of a person getting to that level. Imo, it's an underexplored area of psychology. People just say, oh too bad for you, suck it up, instead of trying to find a way to work with you. I think a symbolic action like hair combing can open the door to a lot of stuff.

Just talking about it might be enough, maybe not. I wanted to file my t's nails. The urge was there in words, but then the thought of actually touching him was repulsive. I think in t, it's important not to say no too early - to follow these thoughts where they lead us.

[unaluna]

Remember Can't Explain's t's "non-performing" hair? I think this is a thing for many guys. A psychological thing. "Why don't you do what I like?" A really basic question!

EtA- sorry if im a little cuckoo on this one...

Originally Posted by 1914sierra

Okay, yeah, this is just going too far. You don't get to tell your T how to dress or style her hair. What makes your think you even have that right?

I don't think I have the right, which is why I asked. To tell the truth I am somewhat jealous of her hair and I want to make it look more bland and normal.

[HealingTimes]

Come on guys, lets keep it nice and supportive shall we? Imagine YOU were the one to post a question and got these sorts of replies. Not very nice.

IT-No, i have never asked my T, but it's not something that bothers me (her hairstyle i mean). I think it's great that you have a good enough relationship with your T to be able to ask.
Do you know what it is about brushing/combing her hair that appeals to you? Have you discussed this with your T (at length, not just asked the question) and worked through why you desire to do this?

[feralkittymom]

Originally Posted by hankster

Well - easy for you to say? Your "needs" not being filled when they should have been aren't interfering with you getting on in life - you have a job and a family. You're functional. You've procreated. We're talking about stuff that is getting in the way of a person getting to that level. Imo, it's an underexplored area of psychology. People just say, oh too bad for you, suck it up, instead of trying to find a way to work with you. I think a symbolic action like hair combing can open the door to a lot of stuff.

Just talking about it might be enough, maybe not. I wanted to file my t's nails. The urge was there in words, but then the thought of actually touching him was repulsive. I think in t, it's important not to say no too early - to follow these thoughts where they lead us.

Talk about it from now to forever--absolutely! That's valuable therapy. But jumping to the action, even if you don't find it a creepy boundary crossing, in fact stops the exploration. That's not valuable therapy.

And it isn't about shaming someone for having needs, but rather getting satisfaction in an appropriate way. I don't think indulging a need is necessarily the same as satisfying it.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I initially asked if i could and she said she would consider it. I feel as a patient that i should be able to choose her hairstyle because i don't like her current one. Her clothing is acceptable to me.

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

I don't think I have the right, which is why I asked. To tell the truth I am somewhat jealous of her hair and I want to make it look more bland and normal.

These two seem sort of contradictory. In the first, you say you feel you should get to choose her hairstyle and then next you don't which is why you asked. I don't get this. But in general (and I am no big defender of therapists by any means) I don't think anyone gets to choose how anyone else (no matter what the relationship to each other) dresses, wears their hair, etc.
If it is as Hankster posits, then I would think exploring this by talking with the therapist rather than acting upon the therapist -as to why you think you get to tell any other adult how to dress or style their hair and why how others do it can upset you - might be a prudent course of action.

Originally Posted by HealingTimes

Come on guys, lets keep it nice and supportive shall we? Imagine YOU were the one to post a question and got these sorts of replies. Not very nice.

I don't see anything wrong with trying to figure out if a poster is teasing or not. It did not seem un-nice to me to ask.

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by hankster

But it's something a parent lets a child do. Grooming. That's what gorillas do to show attachment and affection. And cats. I'm not making fun. A t should meet you where you are.

True. But little children also breastfeed for attachment. And sleep next to their parents. And get raspberries blown on their necks and tummies! All stuff that's intimate and appropriate only in a very limited context.