couch 63 the fall line

Ready..I'm so sorry this is so hard.

Have you ever read Love Dare?

It's a Christian Devotional, though. Some of it's really informative.

OMG... those kinds of books make me feel like a friggin project... to me its just a way that my H can keep emotionally distant... just need to do 26 things... or check these list of things to do today and everything will be better..

I told my H this last night. Told him I'm not sure I can ever trust him again. Its not that I don't trust his actions like affairs or stuff like that...

I just don't trust that he tells me the truth or that he has my best interest at heart. He lied to me about something for 20 years through ommission, excuses and blatant lies.. and many many times over that 20 years I begged him to tell me what was going on and he made stuff up - excuses... let me think it was my fault, etc etc... I don't think I can trust again after this. I've known for over 2 years and I don't think "getting over it" is in my cards.

I wish I could say something that helps... .it's so hard and everyone's experience is so different. I know what it feels like to live like that. Kind of like to just co-exist? It's brutal.

My situation with my H is very different because there are no children in the home...it makes it that much harder when there are, because when it comes to making decisions... You have to keep them in mind. See, I just tell my H what is, what isn't, and what I need. But then I often sound like a *****. But I don't have to worry effecting someone else's life.

Hugs.

My H lied to me about something big too...and I'm not over it so I get the trust issues. PM me if you want

Yeah, this.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, RTS. And I bet you don't sound like any kind of asterisk, Jersey.

I was reading an article about people foundations (I think someone on PC linked it) and it was saying people who have few memories of the past or who have found out they had been lied to for a long period of time (ie...like being told someone is your parent only to find out they are not) have a real hard time because their foundation has been removed... who they thought they were is rewritten and they have to process the whole past through this new information and try to decide what is real and what isn't real.

It's deep and it's complicated,,Ready. It really is. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

Hi guys.. Pc has been screwy for me today.. It looks like I missed out on being there for you guys.. Hoping things get better for everybody.

Where's Granite at?

I'm catching up - but I dont like skirted suits - they just float up and give away the store, so to speak. I prefer a very longlegged one piece like triathletes wear. They have them for big girls.

I'm out of here for now couch peeps. Gotta go pick up this kid from school that I'm babysitting today. Be back later.

I taught myself when I was 50!!! Anybody can (on enough prozac... )

I'm an excellent floater (with apologies to dustin Hoffman in rainman)

I suck at swimming!!

You must be too young - too bad, your not wrinkly enuff

There has been times since I started working on Trauma with t.. That I just become so consumed by what happened to me as a 10 year old girl.. Now is one of those times.. After my experience in t's office on Friday with one memory in particular being stuck in my head.. I just want to know more. I want to know what that 10 year old girl was thinking, I still want to know why those boys did it. I am not at all pleased with the explanation that bad things happen at random. Obviously these boys targeted me at least on that day.. Something made them do it. And I want to know why.

I realize my last post is out of place.. I just feel more comfortable sharing here on the couch, then I would on the survivors of abuse forum. Thanks for letting me get it out here.

Sometimes bad things are, in a sense, random (like if somebody is struck by lightning out of a blue sky). But abuse is not random in that sense. There is always somebody who chooses to abuse, and who is responsible. Maybe, if it's kids, they don't understand what they are choosing to do... but saying that "bad things happen at random" when a child is abused by other kids is a bit of a cop-out, to me. Something did, in fact make them do it.... but it wasn't anything you did. You are not responsible, in case that thought crossed your mind.

Thanks, mast.. I am always tempted to blame myself- partly b/c I can't an answer from the two who did it to me. So, I answer I must of done something. No doubt at 16 those boys knew what they were doing was wrong- but why did they go through with it? I know nobody can answer that!

No post is ever out of place on the couch - thats the first rule of the couch

10 and 16 is horrendous.

(((Healed))) Sh it happens and nothing can ever make it unhappen and that really SUX.

swimsuits...
because of my surgeries...my swimsuit is a lot like Hankstah described...

here is my primary suit:

http://www.junonia.com/QuikEnergy-Ra...tard-6271.html

This is the suit I usually get. They change it a little every year or so.

Yes, I'm sure you can.