How to interpret this "clue" about T? Sorry, vague and embarrassing question.

I was googling T's name and came across this info:

T's Name Social Work Professional Corporation
Professional Corporation No. 1234
Shareholders: T's Name & Mary Smith

I have seen Mary Smith's name before, on a magazine label in T's office, and Mary had the same address as T's house.

I also googled Mary Smith, and found a blurry photo of her. I think I saw her drive T to the office 3 years ago, but not sure...

Another clue: Mary and T had given workshops together at my parents' church. I know because I saw the posters for the events.

What does this mean? I am so curious, because I always wonder if T is married. T is very blank, she won't tell me anything!

Lesbian partners, I'd guess. Or just friends and work colleagues. What does Mary Smith's LinkedIn say?

Sounds to me like they are partners in a corporation. Does tell you anything about a personal relationship.

Obviously, t and mary smith are partners. They might even be roommates. If it were me, I would ask my mother, because my mother knew that my long-term t was a lesbian before I ever had a clue. She even said that this t was "trying to make me like her" - which was in itself a confusing statement, because I rather thought mum meant prefer t to mum, but now i think mum meant as in recruit!

So what do you think? Are you gonna be okay with this?

Hi PeeJay, Mary Smith doesn't have a LinkedIn, but thanks for the idea!

Hi Nerak, Thank you for your thoughts.

Hi Hankster, Thanks, I can see why your mom's statement was confusing. I'm trying to avoid asking my mom, because I have a crush on T and I am trying to hide it from my mom. I blush every time I talk about T. Thank you for your ideas Hankster, please keep them coming!

My first instinct is that it's purely a business relationship. Many times two people will establish a corporation for legal reasons. The fact that your T and Mary Smith give workshops together just illustrates the business aspect of the two of them working as colleagues to contribute to the community while building their client base.

Mary Smith probably uses your T's address for business related items to keep things simple and all in one place.

If you really want to know if your T is married, have you thought about asking her? Perhaps can you spot a ring?

I agree, ask her if she's married, after all she knows everything about you (Well more likely than not she knows more about you then you do of her), it can't hurt to ask

Being married wouldn't rule out a same sex relationship though, as it's not legal everywhere right?

Hi Daeva and Refika, Thank you for taking the time to read all that and give your thoughts! T doesn't wear a ring, and I've been asking her for the past 5 years and she has never given a straight answer.

Hi Unlockinginsanity, where I am, it's legal. Thanks for your thoughts!

Freudian slip?

This could mean any number of things. It's impossible to tell.

Would it bother you if she was gay?

Hi TinyRabbit, I know...thank you anyway!

Hi Nerak, I would love it if she was gay! I was brought up very sheltered without exposure to gayness, so I never realized this was an option until later in life. Now that I met T, I feel she is the one I want to marry (pretend marry, aware this is impossible.)

If I understood right T and Mary Smith share a home address and Mary sometimes brings T to work. I think the likeliest and most obvious explanation is that they're a couple. Sure there are other possibilities but do you often get magazine subscriptions in your name sent your colleague's home address? They could be roommates, definitely, but how commonly do you meet people over 30 or 40 living with roommates compared to people in the same demographic living with partners or spouses? Way less, right? Also in my experience it is very, very rare for straight women to avoid making casual mention of their husbands (if you've been seeing her for awhile) whereas it's quite common among gays and lesbians to refrain from mentioning their partner/spouse at work.

I am guessing they are partners too. I have a similar situation with two of my tutors who are ts. They both work together doing workshops and teaching, they are both divorced and they live together and one of them looks very butch but they never say they are together.

If you live in an expensive city or on the outskirts of one, and aren't married and are over 30, you definitely could have a roommate. I know a boatload of people who do.

True. But I didn't say impossible... Just less likely!

Fave jeans, very true!!!

Hi FavoriteJeans, Thank you for reading so carefully! That is exactly what I think, too. Especially because T has short hair and broad shoulders, she has a general non-girly vibe. Mary Smith also has the same haircut as T. This makes me feel all mixed up: jealous, yet happy that T has someone to love. Do you think I can tell T about these clues, or is it too creepy?

Hi Monalisasmile, Thank you for sharing your situation.

This makes me feel all mixed up: jealous, yet happy that T has someone to love. Do you think I can tell T about these clues, or is it too creepy?

Huh. I don't know. I'm trying to think how I'd feel in her shoes. A few months ago someone (a gay man) asked me if I was queer (I am) and provided all the "clues" that had led him to that conclusion (including the fact that I was wearing colourful stripy socks that my son had chosen for me that this guy interpreted as being "rainbow socks!"). It didn't bother me but I think I'd have felt more at ease if he'd just asked point blank without telling me his reasoning.

Maybe just ask your T if she's a lesbian (or in a relationship with another woman--some people feel uncomfortable with various labels). She might not tell you or might ask why you ask. But I think it's totally okay for you to ask. She's doesn't have to answer if she doesn't want to.

FWIW my t and I talk all the time about what it's like for me that she's straight and whether I feel that this interferes with her understanding me or makes me feel awkward around her.

I think that is the most telling thing, the silence. My T is the same way.

I think sometimes my T might be gay.

Two of my teenage role models were closeted lesbians who worked in the school district or with the Girl Scouts. I only learned of their orientation upon becoming an adult and friending them on Facebook!

I think that's what draws me to my T! She's like my old Girl Scout leader!

I haven't asked my T about it because it doesn't matter to me either way. But I often do wonder! I just assume my T is gay and I've used gender neutral language when talking about partners.

And I agree that a straight T might've mentioned her spouse sooner. Especially after all those years. It would slip. Gays are more practiced at using language in a way that doesn't give away anything.

I wonder if you couldn't say something like, "I wonder if you can relate to me because you've dealt with similar things with your partner?"

Hi Peejay, your scout leader sounds lovely and it's great that your T reminds you of her! How sweet! Thanks for sharing your experience and suggestions. My T generally doesn't tell me anything about her life at all, her silence is not only about her relationships but everything... she is very blank.

THank you FavoriteJeans for your perspective, and thanks for sharing your experience about the socks! I'll remember to be sensitive about using clues on people.

I think my T is Catholic, so this makes it more confusing. I have already asked T a few times if she was gay, and even rambled on about how I wish she was gay. She never answers.

I have also told her many times how I wish I could marry her (yes, I know it's impossible) but she always says "absolutely not" and "well if I married you I couldn't be your therapist".

Thank you Favorite Jeans for all your input! I'm always happy to hear from you.