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#676
Apr 10, 2014, 05:37 AM
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So anxious about seeing t for the first time today since the whole mess happened that I couldn't go to work. I'm already having a panic attack and it's hours before our scheduled meeting. People keep telling me to think positive but in my head, I know he's going to ditch me and today will be the last time I see him...and that is going to kill me.
__________________
"Beneath the dust and love and sweat that hangs on everybody / there's a dead man trying to get out..." |
 Anonymous43209, Freewilled, Lamplighter
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#677
Apr 10, 2014, 06:47 AM
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Glad to confirm, therapy is next week, not today. Would like to bring up, an aspect of self. Perhaps, damage to marriage from exes friend. Would like to cover, how that, and long term bf from hs into college, how his friendships, as my friends used to call it, player ways, how that shaped me. How that plays a role. How I need to articulate more, and how better to express...
Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2 |
| Lamplighter
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#678
Apr 15, 2014, 08:08 PM
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What brought me back to therapy in '07, was a high conflict marriage. I worked to the core, learning boundaries, personal limits, self work gallore..
Hearing my boss tell me to 'handle her', because she's too busy for a 20 minute conversation, reminded me how far I've come since the summer of 42 calls in 7 hours with my then husband. Reminds me, how many don't know how to put up that invisible 'personal space' barrier. The one I displayed tomy children, the one learned in sociology. How come bumping into locals in local spots seems 'suspect', how many concoct fear? See, I mix and match what Towns I frequent for various stores. No bumping, for me, all these years, just sayin'. How much work I've done. Until I get court permission, to relocate with my womb intact, I'll keep going to therapy. Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2 |
| Lamplighter
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#679
Apr 17, 2014, 12:38 PM
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Feeling sad; my mom died 11 years ago to the day (it was on the Thursday before Easter). So many memories of the whole experience surrounding her death, what happened in the days before and after. Talked to my T about it a lot, yesterday. Also feeling scared; my wife is out of the hospital, but still having symptoms, and we don't know what the Dx is, yet. Also, feeling depressed; having a hard time in one of my classes. Trying not to focus on that too much, but it keeps intruding.
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| Lamplighter, Raging Quiet, tametc
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#680
Apr 17, 2014, 03:47 PM
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For some reason I haven't slept for 3 days (about 2-3 hours a night) I've got a headache and nausea because I feel so sleepy
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| Anonymous100114, BonnieJean, Lamplighter, ~EnlightenMe~
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#681
Apr 17, 2014, 05:43 PM
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Ready to make some calls, before next week, on that life aspect. And ready to start unpacking boxes. And proud of myself for a big 'hades no', when sons friend called the moment of vacation(i.e., timed to moment of pick up from after school program), to a can I come over? Um, kid, let me explain, i may need to hit up radio shack for cords, not sure....game consoles are on hold, until further notice, as is TV....
Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2 |
 Lamplighter, tametc
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#682
Apr 17, 2014, 06:38 PM
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Not too bad. Just took my son to meet his date for the Grand Ball and we're just going to veg on the couch. It will be a busy weekend. We're skipping Maundy Thursday services tonight (I'm not a big fan of feet washing), but we have Good Friday service tomorrow night and two services on Sunday. Love this weekend.
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| BonnieJean, Lamplighter, tametc
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#683
Apr 17, 2014, 06:59 PM
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Awfully guilty....just making so many stupid choices. I think I really am a bad person and I'm hoping my T can see that finally. I don't want him to try and show me how I'm special or whatever. I am a bad person and make dumb decisions. I think I truly am a lost cause.
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| BonnieJean, Lamplighter, Salmon77, tametc, ~EnlightenMe~
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#685
Apr 17, 2014, 10:05 PM
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Emotionally exhausted after a scare today with grandma. She seems okay now and she's finally sleeping longer than a couple minutes at a time.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
| BonnieJean, Lamplighter, tametc, Wren_, ~EnlightenMe~
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#686
Apr 18, 2014, 02:19 PM
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Oh gash, do I really want to much? Just holidays... When I planned a weekend abroad to relax a bit, my grandma got ill so I'll had to cancel it. Now I was suppose to have my first week off since a year... And what? I've just got an e-mail that I made to the second (out of three) round of the most important competition in my career and that I have to submit many many things within two weeks... Two weeks is a very short deadline and including one week of holidays? Ech, I'll spend my whole holidays on working... Just hope that it will be worth it... Thus, I feel good that I made to the second round and bad that I will lose my holidays which I really, but really need...
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| Lamplighter, tametc, ~EnlightenMe~
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| BonnieJean
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#688
Apr 20, 2014, 04:51 PM
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I'm feeling unsettled. Why are things sometimes so painful? I just want to hibernate.
__________________
"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." Edgar Allan Poe |
| BonnieJean, Lamplighter
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#689
Apr 20, 2014, 05:34 PM
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I'm feeling pretty good, but my back is giving me fits. Ouch. Church was lovely and all of our music went well. My son and I sang in a quartet together. First time we've done that.
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| BonnieJean, Lamplighter, tametc
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#690
Apr 20, 2014, 07:10 PM
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Another wasted weekend. Didn't get any homework done. Spent 5 hours in the ER early this morning, with kidney stone and UTI. Too sick to go to church. :-(
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| Aloneandafraid, Anonymous35535, Anonymous43209, BonnieJean, LadyShadow, Lamplighter, tametc
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#691
Apr 20, 2014, 07:39 PM
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Am happy. My kid loved his Easter basket, and later he wants to play a board game with me. He's also said yes to coming and helping me at work for the next two days.
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| Aloneandafraid, LadyShadow, Lamplighter, tametc
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#692
Apr 20, 2014, 10:54 PM
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I really need to work through this anger. Glad 'she', is 'unavailable', as she cannot possibly ever be stepmom material. Bowties on my boys? I kid you not. I get it's Easter, i sent in typical play clothes, they were planning to be outside and get dirty. But bowties?!?! I want to scream!!! After that most viscous email, in October, for calling cops over restraining order violation. The email telling me I was halfway, to losing my kids to the state!!! On what grounds??? Then, this!!! Bowties???? They are not Dollies!! You....you....you....
No, i need to work through my anger!! Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2 |
| Aloneandafraid, Anonymous35535, LadyShadow, Lamplighter
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#693
Apr 20, 2014, 10:57 PM
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I am feeling pretty good. No real complaints, had a great weekend, looking forward to tomorrow.
__________________
Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Journey of Grace, Grit and Starting Again |
| Anonymous35535
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| Aloneandafraid, Lamplighter
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#695
Apr 21, 2014, 08:31 AM
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Really depressed, but hanging in there.
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| Aloneandafraid, Anonymous35535, Anonymous43209, BonnieJean, Lamplighter, tametc, unaluna
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#696
Apr 21, 2014, 07:35 PM
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Comatose after therapy.
__________________
-BJ 
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| Aloneandafraid, Anonymous35535, Lamplighter, unaluna
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#698
Apr 21, 2014, 07:41 PM
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Sore all over after working out hard for an hour at the gym.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
| Aloneandafraid, Anonymous35535
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| Lamplighter
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#699
Apr 21, 2014, 07:42 PM
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Empty and unable to fill the void with distractions.
 Anxious.
__________________
"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity." Edgar Allan Poe |
| Aloneandafraid, Anonymous35535, Freewilled, Lamplighter, tametc
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#700
Apr 21, 2014, 07:45 PM
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Pathetic. Too many bills, too much work, too little free time, too many emotions, not enough therapy or comfort hardly to be found. I swear I'm channeling Chicken Little.
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| AllyIsHopeful, Aloneandafraid, Anonymous35535, Anonymous43209, BonnieJean, Lamplighter, tametc, unaluna, Wren_
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