[Lamplighter]

Black. Stormed out of therapy yesterday and I'm not going back. And that's the end of it all, decades of chasing my own tail with any number of patently incompetent and emotionally shallow therapists. Can't fool myself any longer that therapy is ever going to help me . That anyone is ever going to help me.

Back to sorting it all out on my own again. Nothing new there then .

Probably won't be around forum much from now on either, so just a bit of a quiet goodbye here . Best of luck and lots of hugs to everyone.

[Aloneandafraid]

All over the place after today's session. Feeling emotionally drained, pathetic, afraid, ashamed, anxious. What have I done.... Why did I tell her.....

I'm feeling really tired today. Very busy at school. Rewrote lesson plans which means rewriting units, etc. It's keeping me on my toes. About six more weeks to go. I can do this.

[Mike_J]

Not great, would like to find a way to have a mini meltdown that wouldn't leave my life in total ruin...

[AnnaBegins]

Tired and lonely...scared and depressed...

Still just going through the motions of looking for a new t...wish I could just accept that I don't deserve a good one and give up.

[healingme4me]

If judges do an immense amount of demeanor work, focusing on cognitive and expressive skills along with studying of posturing and facial expressions, then I'm alot like that or they vice versa, then to ensure there's no headlines, gotta have strong intuition, bet they work with profilers...ahhh, mind stop analyzing now

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[RTerroni]

A little nervous since a friend who I have had some minor issues with as of recently is coming over soon.

[RTerroni]

Well my friend coming over tonight went very well (although he still struggles to see the ongoing issues between us), I am now just looking forward to a fairly relaxing Sunday (although I do have somewhere that I need to go to for a few hours) and then Therapy Session on Monday (my final Monday session, my sessions move to Wednesday in a few weeks).

[AllyIsHopeful]

Terrible, relieved, and content all at the same time.

I have been giving my partner the silent treatment for 3 days now. There was nothing new I could have said to them regarding the situation and I have learned from past experiences I am just wasting my time and energy with anger. I've tried hard to remain graceful through the whole situation and could actually feel myself smiling as I carry myself. What does this mean? This is not a good sign for my relationship. I have actually gotten up and ready to do things and go out since I have stopped talking to her. Now I realize part of my depression is situational.

I wish this wasn't so hard. Ending a relationship is difficult and being depressed and so overwhelmed while simultaneously trying to consciously remember to take care of yourself...is draining. It doesn't help I slept through my appointment yesterday...a session I desperately needed. It was a big wake up call...at least I am beginning to catch the self-sabotaging before it becomes an unnecessary issue.

Still have all these traumatic issues running through my head. Too stressed about life to cope with them right now so I have to put them on hold in therapy.

I have noticed when I stop and realize I am happy and positive and see a future where things will be so much better, something dark comes over me and the smile fades away and I feel doomed. The only way I can describe the feeling is how a child would feel so excited over getting candy and someone snatching the candy away. Who is this other person within me, that is snatching my happiness away? I still need to figure this out.

I feel so lonely right now.

I'm gearing up for the week ahead. This is concert week, so I'll be down in Dallas every night. I have dress rehearsals with the maestro and orchestra M-W, and concerts are Th, F, Sa, and the following Monday. My goal is to pace myself as much as possible so I don't exhaust myself. That's easier said than done on top of teaching every day, but it's only a week. The Christmas concerts went on for three weeks which really did me in. T and I have talked about managing my energy during concert weeks, so now it's time to test out the plan.

My biggest concern may be my back. It's been giving me fits for a bit over a week, and the benches in the choral terrace suck, and when I'm not sitting I stand for hours at a time.

Ah, gripe, gripe, gripe. It will be fine, and the bottom line is that this fills me up spiritually more than anything in my life.

[healingme4me]

Was reflecting on T's safety concerns to my move. I've said this for many years, in my circles, violence here, isn't random. And in all actuality, numbers are low. Need to make sure lock doors, as in my former town, teens sometimes go for the thrill of rummaging loose coins, etc. actually that was big news where i just moved from...just sayin'. This place can be a dull roar, in all honesty. But if on paper, it helps me relocate, then by all means

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Needy....

Broken. I feel broken. And like I'm going to start crying at any moment. I wish I could reach out to some real live person.

[AmysJourney]

Originally Posted by Mastodon

Broken. I feel broken. And like I'm going to start crying at any moment. I wish I could reach out to some real live person.

I am sorry you feel so broken. If you ever feel you want to - I am a real person you can reach out to.
I know, I am only a stranger on here but I am a real person with a real heart and definitely someone with two real ears to listen.

Anyway, I just wanted to offer but please forgive me if this is crossing some boundaries.
I don't mind if you think I have nothing to offer that might help - that may very well be true.
But I am here.

With love
Amelia

[Wren_]

Head hurts, so confused right now

[scardycat]

Im exhasted, stressed and anxious just feel like crap

[Freewilled]

Can't sleep....nervous as this never ends well.

[Aloneandafraid]

I feel broken too and just as if this endless feeling of despair will never end. I wish I had someone to reach out to in RL. I tried talking to my oldest friend (a therapist!) but she told me to talk to someone else as she isnt feeling well (that was a month ago) and she is still ignoring me. It reaffirms that I am not worth anyone's time or attention. I feel so needy - I hate this.

[RTerroni]

A little anxious about session today.

[bixkf]

Crappy...spilled my breakfast down the sink, had a massive argument with my wife over the phone and texts over the stupidest of things. Told her to f***-off and to leave me alone. Instantly knew I had been stupid. She did exactly what I said and left me alone...wouldn't answer the phone or texts.

Originally Posted by AmysJourney

I am sorry you feel so broken. If you ever feel you want to - I am a real person you can reach out to.
I know, I am only a stranger on here but I am a real person with a real heart and definitely someone with two real ears to listen.

Anyway, I just wanted to offer but please forgive me if this is crossing some boundaries.
I don't mind if you think I have nothing to offer that might help - that may very well be true.
But I am here.

With love
Amelia

Thank you. No boundary crossings as far as I am concerned. You are very kind.

[blur]

feeling quite discouraged the last few days. not sure i'll ever be able to overcome all these problems i'm facing.

[RTerroni]

Had a great day and looking forward to tomorrow.

[scardycat]

Even though I had a terrible day yesterday today has been so much better. Not feeling as tense and anxious Much more hopeful. Thank you so much aloneandafraid and goingtogetthere for the hugs Im very greatful

My ego got kind of bruised at my therapy session today. That is not necessarily a bad thing. I won't see T for a whole week now, because 1 May is a holiday. Also probably a good thing. I will try to forget that therapy exists, and that T exists, until next week.