[purple orchid]

I feel fed up and angry towards myself.
I know what I need to do but I just don't have the energy or motivation to do it.
I feel frustrated...

[Lexi232]

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[IndestructibleGirl]

Exhausted and not looking forward to the morning a long day tomorrow because I have a day in the office (two hours commute each way) and then am life modeling after. I will probably fall asleep during a pose!!!

The thing that gets me is my diet always takes a turn for the worse when I'm super busy, I just eat quick fixes to give me a hit of energy to compensate for not enough time chilling/ too little sleep. I need to work on this.

[Yogix]

I'm feeling that annoying sense of loss after you walk out of therapy. You know, the one where you feel like you can't live without the therapist and want to keep talking to them?

Yep.

[Lexi232]

unwanted.

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[MusicLover79]

Feeling like crap. Today was awful. Had so many suicidal thoughts and thoughts of self harming

I'm pretty tired. I think my long week last week has caught up with me. Feeling a bit drained, but it is physical exhaustion even though it feels a bit like depression. Weird how fatigue and depression feel so much alike. I've finally learned to tell the difference.

I did make an appointment with my therapist for next week. Haven't seen him since early October, so thought it is time to go in for my 3000 mile oil change.

I'm actually scared. :|

[Nightlight]

Unfixably sad.

(There are no words for this feeling.)

I just want to be good enough. Wouldn't everything be okay if I was?

I don't know what to do.

[growlycat]

Finally getting the mojo back. I can't remember the last time I was that sick but glad not to feel so fatigued and weak anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!

feeling like a lost failure

[RTerroni]

Figured I'd check in (since I am not posting much on here now being out of Therapy).

Still very depressed but slowly getting better, also very upset because I called my primary care office twice last week telling them to give a message to the person who set me up with Therapy the last time to call me and she still hasn't called. I have an appointment with my Primary Care Physician 2 weeks from Monday so maybe I will be able to talk to her than (since she's at the same office). Personally I don't know if it is a good idea if I go back to Therapy right now but I would like her opinion in all of it.

[growlycat]

Feeling like no one can help me, and worse, I can't help me either.

I'm cold! Tonight we had a football game. I hate Thursday night games, but tonight was Senior night and we walked our son across the field as he was introduced to the crowd. That was cool, but the actual temperature was COLD (at least for these native Texans anyway). We left after they marched at halftime. We're just weenies. I'll go pick him up after the game in my heated van.

I'm ready for the weekend. Still recovering from my busy week last week and pretty fatigued.

[DelusionsDaily]

Feeling like I am crashing into a deep depression...not sure I care.

[Yogix]

Hugs to everyone struggling. This time of year is so difficult, but I'm so glad we have this community here for support when we are at some of our lowest times.

For me, today was a miserable day. For the first time in 21 years, during the midst of a panic attack, I trusted what my father always, always, ALWAYS tells me - that I can talk to him about anything. During the midst of a full-blown panic attack, I drove home as quick as I could hoping my dad would sit down and be there for me like he said. He asked me what was wrong, sat next to me for 10 seconds, and as I was breaking down to him, really, really hoping he would just hug me and show care, he did the most unbelievable, unspeakable thing that I could ever have imagined.

He got up, walked away, and came back with a swiffer and started cleaning the floor of our house.

I feel miserable because I now know I have no support system, aside from my hour w/ T each Tuesday.

[Lamplighter]

Originally Posted by Yogix

Hugs to everyone struggling. This time of year is so difficult, but I'm so glad we have this community here for support when we are at some of our lowest times.

For me, today was a miserable day. For the first time in 21 years, during the midst of a panic attack, I trusted what my father always, always, ALWAYS tells me - that I can talk to him about anything. During the midst of a full-blown panic attack, I drove home as quick as I could hoping my dad would sit down and be there for me like he said. He asked me what was wrong, sat next to me for 10 seconds, and as I was breaking down to him, really, really hoping he would just hug me and show care, he did the most unbelievable, unspeakable thing that I could ever have imagined.

He got up, walked away, and came back with a swiffer and started cleaning the floor of our house.

I feel miserable because I now know I have no support system, aside from my hour w/ T each Tuesday.

Jeeez Yogix, what can I say? What an awful thing for him to do, and I'm so very sorry, especially as you acted on his own advice and trusted him to be there. I could think of a few choice epithets to call him, but that wouldn't help you would it?

Is there any chance you could talk to him about how his behaviour made you feel? There's a distant possibility that he actually thought he was being helpful and supportive, bizarrely as it may seem. Perhaps he thought that by acting 'normally' that would help calm you down from your panic attack, or alternatively maybe that was his way of coping with your fears? Just a couple of thoughts, but neither is intended to invalidate your feelings. I really am sorry

Hugs of sympathy to you ((((((((( Yogix )))))))

[Yogix]

Originally Posted by Lamplighter

Jeeez Yogix, what can I say? What an awful thing for him to do, and I'm so very sorry, especially as you acted on his own advice and trusted him to be there. I could think of a few choice epithets to call him, but that wouldn't help you would it?

Is there any chance you could talk to him about how his behaviour made you feel? There's a distant possibility that he actually thought he was being helpful and supportive, bizarrely as it may seem. Perhaps he thought that by acting 'normally' that would help calm you down from your panic attack, or alternatively maybe that was his way of coping with your fears? Just a couple of thoughts, but neither is intended to invalidate your feelings. I really am sorry

Hugs of sympathy to you ((((((((( Yogix )))))))

Thank you so much for your response. I know you weren't trying to invalidate my feelings and I don't take offense to that. You're words actually helped me find some relief. I haven't had a chance to speak with him yet, as he's been at work, but it did help me imagine that there could be reasons for what he did.

Still pretty pissed though >.< I've just been trying to cope and this past session on Tuesday I felt so motivated afterward to get better so I have been trying all new things and challenging myself this week and that's difficult.

[tealBumblebee]

{Post Session Check In}

Had T today, and it was nice. I tried to be honest and open; she says I pulled my barrier down with her a little. I told her about my "Who would be impacted if I killed myself" list and we talked about that. Session was a little more spiritual based and appropriate. She reinforced some stuff she said last session and again, i'm taking her words to be truth. Good session overall. Just wish the hour didn't go by so quickly!

I'm not feeling good at all. I have been doing mild SH (nothing that damaged me permanently, though that was partly luck) and I really do not want to be in that frame of mind. I'm very grateful that I have T in 12 hours.

[MercilessShadow]

Feeling abandoned by T Called her and left a voicemail, then emailed her a day later, with no response. Since my last session I haven't had the money, but I was having a kind of mini breakdown and wanted to hear her voice. Also been feeling depressed again and as if there is no hope for me.

[DelusionsDaily]

Frustrated with trying to find a new pdoc

devastated

[growlycat]

self-defeating.

Left a message for cbt T to let him know I'm worried if my social phobia can even be helped --said i just needed to park my thoughts somewhere, no need to call back.

I LIED, PLZ CALL

[anna_goth27]

I feel anxious. Going back to work after having a week off and I am not sure what to expect this morning with my coworker. My only hope is that things will go well and that I will be able to stay strong and keep it together.

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