[AnnaBegins]

I feel really lonely today - am off from work for a week and don't have my usual insane workload to distract me from the emptiness I usually feel inside. Trying to avoid slipping into bad behavior and trying to not contact my t - I feel like I bug him too much outside of session as it is and that isn't healthy for either of us.

[anna_goth27]

*hugs AnnaBegins* If it makes you feel any better, I am back to work and today is already a mess.

My coworker thinks I insist on being a horrible person and that my sole intent is to make her look like a jackass and like she cant do nothing right. Although I am pretty sure my boss is well aware its my fault. I hate the fact that when I talk to him I feel so nervous I cant think straight to answer things in a good way.

I feel horrible and I just wish she wasnt around to hear the conversation I had with my boss. That is why I feel so self-concious around her and now its even worse.

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Abandoned and alone with no support. And very sad.

[Lamplighter]

Just had a session and am really not sure how I feel about it, probably pissed off. He attributed characteristics to me which he claims were not intended as criticisms at all (and to be fair I suppose he did mean well) but I just experienced them as totally critical and coming at the end of the session I was thinking wtf I'm now going to have to drive away with this feeling that even T sees only negative things about me

Why couldn't he have just said something nice?????? I feel rubbish .

Relieved that I'm seeing pdoc today and T tomorrow. We need to talk.

[BlessedRhiannon]

disappointed.

T didn't understand how I could have been triggered and I don't know how to explain it.

Also, I hate my job right now, had an interview for a job that sounds really interesting...drawback is that employee reviews for the company suck and there is absolutely zero flexibility in work hours/location. I've been spoiled with working for a global company with flexible hours and a telecommute policy.

[BonnieJean]

Lots of people seem to be going thru rough times right now. I'm feeling down - sad with out a real identifiable reason. Some times I've been anxious. Jus want to leave work 'sick' or something but can't. Going thru the motions.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Dear T,
Remember I have abandonment fears? Why did you have to make me aware that you won't be here two weeks in December, and now you are taking the day before Thanksgiving off when you told me before that you would be here. You triggered me in other ways, too, for some reason that I am not sure about. So, I'm supposed to deal with this feeling of abandonment by just feeling the emotion? OKay, I'm doing that, what next? Any ideas outside of distracting myself because that doesn't last long. I feel like you don't care if you hurt me in regard to this major issue I have, and it is devastating. If I'm trying to trust you while feeling my abandonment fear, where I am sure I'm losing you, but then I'm supposed to trust I'm not losing you, but because of the fear, I fear I am even if I don't want to, any suggestions for this? This isn't the way to extinguish these fears, at least not with me. There has to be another way that traumatizing me and making me not trust you. So, now I have to wait to deal with this until next session one day and one week of having this on my mind while I have to do other things. I ****ing hate this with a passion and I am doing everything I can not to fall in the abyss, not that you would miss me or anything since you won't be around anyway. I know I am exaggerating, I admit it. I need a repair session to see if you are still trustworthy, I'm having difficulty.

I'm feeling a little lonely, but otherwise not bad. Had lots of fun last night racing on Mario Kart Wii with some friends. ^_^

[Aloneandafraid]

I'm feeling desperately sad. Heard today my job will end in January. I feel defined by my work and don't have the energy to start applying for a new post. Just feeling lost and low. Can no longer afford to see T which really upsets me. Have just told her I am Bulimic and just feel so ashamed/disgusted. Trying to hold it together. H told me I am useless at everything. Sorry. I'm not in a good place. Sorry for being so negative. Sent T a text saying I was struggling but she just replied - keep doing your homework! I need more support and some empathy - and a hug would be much appreciated!! Xx

[Lamplighter]

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

I'm feeling desperately sad. Heard today my job will end in January. I feel defined by my work and don't have the energy to start applying for a new post. Just feeling lost and low. Can no longer afford to see T which really upsets me. Have just told her I am Bulimic and just feel so ashamed/disgusted. Trying to hold it together. H told me I am useless at everything. Sorry. I'm not in a good place. Sorry for being so negative. Sent T a text saying I was struggling but she just replied - keep doing your homework! I need more support and some empathy - and a hug would be much appreciated!! Xx

Here's a whole load of hugs

And there's absolutely no need to be sorry for posting how you feel or for being in a bad place - this thread is just for that .

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by Lamplighter

Here's a whole load of hugs

And there's absolutely no need to be sorry for posting how you feel or for being in a bad place - this thread is just for that .

Thank you so much. I really appreciate your support and validation. It means so very much tonight.

I need more support and some empathy - and a hug would be much appreciated!!

and as many more as you need ♥

[confused and dazed]

scared... sad... happy... tired... and the most is confused. I cant wait til I see T next... hopefully this will change a bit.(or be more stable, lol)

[~EnlightenMe~]

lol, I just now realized I wrote my Dear T letter in this thread, but I guess I fit because it was how I felt. I am feeling better, at least I feel like I can go one week until I see my therapist again. I may change my mind about that, too, though. Thanks for this thread Lamplighter!

[Petra5ed]

Feeling a bit sad at the moment , although today I did something that I think was good progress by taking a scary step toward a life change that should be for the best.

I've been in a down mood since Sunday, when I woke up at 6:30am and had a sad realization. The holiday's and darkness probably have something to do with my mood too.

[healingme4me]

Two nights, in a row, bizarre, but intangible dreams. If only I had a semblance of emotion or visual of dreams. Ugh. Recall, is crud, and obviously, my subconscious is in overdrive.

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[AnnaBegins]

Forced myself to leave the house and go food shopping today - ran into my neighbor on my way out and had a crying jag in the car because she was being nice to me. Trying to ride it out and not contact my t. I hate the fact that lately every time someone is nice to me I feel an overwhelming wave of sadness and urge to hurt myself.

trying not to feel so responsible for the way everyone else reacts or feels but its not so easy

A little bored and lonely; nothing out of the ordinary.

[healingme4me]

I don't even know. I mean, since I left his office, at 4, yesterday, so much more has happened!! It's truly unreal...unreal.

But, like the thread, what would the story of your life be titled...

Back Against the Wall!!

I wonder how much more I can squeeze into my life, between now and my next session. And I don't even see pdoc, until after that!! No wonder, pdoc and I talk about sports!!!

[Patagonia]

Worst T session ever. Should've brought a knife to cut the tension! Nasty.
I know they're goin to let me go so do I fight this? Do I sit back & let it happen? Give in to my convictions not being bulldozed into something?
Any way I look @ it, it ends w/ pain, loss of trust & self blame.
I deserved it

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[Freewilled]

Angry. Super furious. And yet strangely empowered...I hate anger so I've always swallowed it. Now it's spilling out like a barge has been broken and I can't escape it. I feel embarrassed but almost like "**** it." There's no stopping it. I am not supposed to be this way but I am and it is what it is.

[DelusionsDaily]

Hopeful....extremely HOPEFUL!

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[Patagonia]

Soar...in a good way.

Feel like I'm in limbo waiting to hear from my T's if they wanto continue seeing me or dump me. At this point there's no love lost. Trust, yeah a boat load of trust. That's not coming back again.
Fence up!!

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