I sat in silence for the first half an hour. T said , you are not a very good place today Mona? Eh, obviously not.
She asked what was going on for me right now. I said I didn't know because to be honest there is too many things to out into one sentence.
I told her what was going on with my GF and how we split up again and she didn't get it at all.
She said, I have choices (which I know is true) but right now I feel stuck.
I couldn't look her in the eye today which was very unusual. I couldn't even talk. I told her I didn't want to come and she asked if I cared about myself. I said no so she asked why I came today then.
I started to cry till I couldn't cry anymore. I sent her an email last week saying I didn't think I could do this anymore and all she said was I know you can you are still here.
When I told her what my GF had said and why it upset me so much and why all I needed from her was consisitency, T didn't get it and said my past has nothing to do with my present. She told me to stay away from my GF and that I had to stop inviting abusive people into my life and in so many words stop being a vicitm. This is all true but all I needed her to do today was be kind.
At the end she asked what I wanted by coming there today- I couldn't answer her, I told her nothing but secretly I wanted to throw my handbag at her head.

[rainbow8]

I'm sorry you had such a disappointing session. It does seem like your T "missed the boat" with you. I don't think repeatedly asking a client "why did you come today"? is productive, because when we are in therapy it's obvious that we go to be helped with our issues. I think she could have been kinder to you. Is she usually blunt like that, telling you what to do, in regards to your GF?

I've had sessions like that where my T has told me I have choices, and I didn't want to hear it. Or, she's rubbed me the wrong way and I've wanted to throw things at her, too. Sometimes Ts just don't "get it", or know the right way to help us. They're human.

[gayleggg]

I sorry to here about the break up with you gf and that your T wasn't able to be there for you the way you needed her to be. You needed her to be kind and what you got was truth. I think when I am seeing my therapist to whole purpose if for her to show me honesty, which is more that I can get from anyone else. And I hope she does it gently but sometimes she has to be tough because on my own I tend to screw up my life. Maybe you didn't like what she said but maybe you can benefit at a later point. Good luck to you and I hope you next appointment goes better for you.

[unlockingsanity]

Ugh. It's so sad and frustrating when your T isn't on the same page as you. Sending you lots of hugs!

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I'm sorry you had such a disappointing session. It does seem like your T "missed the boat" with you. I don't think repeatedly asking a client "why did you come today"? is productive, because when we are in therapy it's obvious that we go to be helped with our issues. I think she could have been kinder to you. Is she usually blunt like that, telling you what to do, in regards to your GF?

I've had sessions like that where my T has told me I have choices, and I didn't want to hear it. Or, she's rubbed me the wrong way and I've wanted to throw things at her, too. Sometimes Ts just don't "get it", or know the right way to help us. They're human.

Thanks Rainbow, You sound like you understand and I appreciate it
She is usually very blunt and this is why I sometimes don't feel safe telling her things because she has such stron opinions and reactions.
I hated when she asked why did I come in today because she said it angrily and it made me close up. She also asked me what advice I would give myself if I was the t, I hate these kind of things. Also about an hour after seeing me she put something on facebook that was nothing to do with me but on her page she puts up articles, it was nothing to do with my situation but it annoys me when she has a suic client and posts things on facebook after not taking them seriously during a session.

Originally Posted by gayleggg

I sorry to here about the break up with you gf and that your T wasn't able to be there for you the way you needed her to be. You needed her to be kind and what you got was truth. I think when I am seeing my therapist to whole purpose if for her to show me honesty, which is more that I can get from anyone else. And I hope she does it gently but sometimes she has to be tough because on my own I tend to screw up my life. Maybe you didn't like what she said but maybe you can benefit at a later point. Good luck to you and I hope you next appointment goes better for you.

Thank you
I value ts honesty, in fact it is one of the things I love about her but I believe today was not the place for it.I know there is some truth in what she said but it was the way she said it and when she said it.

Originally Posted by unlockingsanity

Ugh. It's so sad and frustrating when your T isn't on the same page as you. Sending you lots of hugs!

Thank you

[Freewilled]

I'm sorry I hate it when my T misses the mark and is too far ahead of me. Don't they get that we need them to be by our side?? And I *despise* the victim thing...if I knew how to just snap out of it, my T wouldn't be making $$$ off of me lol

I wish your T could've been there the way you needed can you ask her for what you need? I know it's hard....

Exactly Freewilled if there were no victims there would be no money for ts.
It is easy for her to seperate the victim and the feelings when it wasn't her experience. I am not being a victim I am living with the consequences of what happened to me.
I will email her today and tell her that that was not what I needed yesterday.
I feel she down plays the seriousness of my symptoms sometimes. Like here she goes again these feelings will be gone in. A few days.
I think lately she is too busy writing articles and teaching to take me seriously. Yesterday was worst I have ever been and it was really evident she didn't care

[Aloneandafraid]

I know exactly what you mean. I feel the same today. It sucks.

[stopdog]

What did you want her to do? Did you tell her what you would have found useful?

I didn't tell her but I just needed her to understand and be kind and maybe care a little. Instead she went for my jugular

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I didn't tell her but I just needed her to understand and be kind and maybe care a little. Instead she went for my jugular

Exactly - a little kindness and empathy goes a long way. I left feeling totally alone and as if what I told her today didn't matter. It's as if she can't wait to get me out of the door and on to her next person.

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

Exactly - a little kindness and empathy goes a long way. I left feeling totally alone and as if what I told her today didn't matter. It's as if she can't wait to get me out of the door and on to her next person.

Aloneandafraid so sorry your t was like that with you. It hurts that realistically we are only a job to them. Is your t usually like that or was she having an off day?
My t is usually very good but yesterday I realised she doesn't care and won't let herself care either.

[Aloneandafraid]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

Aloneandafraid so sorry your t was like that with you. It hurts that realistically we are only a job to them. Is your t usually like that or was she having an off day?
My t is usually very good but yesterday I realised she doesn't care and won't let herself care either.

Mona thank you... I think the thing that hurts most is the reality that I am just a job to her and that we can never be anything more. Although I understand that we have a therapeutic relationship it doesn't seem to be enough and I too have realised that she doesn't care. She watches the clock all the time and never goes over by a minute! I wish I could experience that glow or connection that another thread referred to. She wasn't having an off day - i think you are right, mine won't lie herself care either.

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

Mona thank you... I think the thing that hurts most is the reality that I am just a job to her and that we can never be anything more. Although I understand that we have a therapeutic relationship it doesn't seem to be enough and I too have realised that she doesn't care. She watches the clock all the time and never goes over by a minute! I wish I could experience that glow or connection that another thread referred to. She wasn't having an off day - i think you are right, mine won't lie herself care either.

Have you considered getting a new therapist Alone?
Maybe a client centered one, they are more empathetic and allow themselves to feel the clients pain and walk in their shoes- if they are practising what they preach of course.

[Nerak67]

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

Mona thank you... I think the thing that hurts most is the reality that I am just a job to her and that we can never be anything more. Although I understand that we have a therapeutic relationship it doesn't seem to be enough and I too have realised that she doesn't care. She watches the clock all the time and never goes over by a minute! I wish I could experience that glow or connection that another thread referred to. She wasn't having an off day - i think you are right, mine won't lie herself care either.

I struggle so much with this. When I am doing badly an t knows it I picture them in their lives and think how can they be going on perfectly happily while they know how miserable I am. How can they just shut off any concern about me when my appointment is over. It is hard just being their job like you said.