[lightcatcher]

I am just wondering how people manage the feeling of being needy with their T?

The thing is is that I have got this far in life without being needy with people; needy = vulnerable and I don't do that.
My issue now is that I have this overwhelming need of neediness with my T. I haven't told her this, I'm thinking about it next time. I don't like it and feel like there is a fight going on in me between my independent self who is staunch in not wanting to be close to her, and the needy part of me that just wants her to hold me and tell me everything will be ok. Ugh I hate that part.

So how do people manage this? And if you are a bit like me and are fighting it have you given in to it, and how did you do that?

[Solepa]

Hello lightcatcher I could write your post myself. I can so relate.
I have a big fear of dependency and feeling vulnerable around people. And I lived and did everything to avoid that in the past.
However now with my T things changed. I hoped I will never be dependent on her, I will not miss her and I will be ok what ever happens with her or me. I worked with my T only for 4 months and then she went on maternity leave and she has been on it for 4 months now and other month to go. And unfortunetely I do miss her and I do feel I need to talk to her and it is pretty strong feeling I have and I hate it!
I even went so far that I restrict myself from any contact during this break. She told me I can send her emails and tell her how I feel and what is going on. Also if I need help she would arrange somebody to see me.
But me being me I told myself I can´t contact her to prove I don´t need her and keep myself from doing so even I really want to . I got even cross with her because she did not contact me! I felt she did not care bc she doesn´t do the first step which obviously is not fair here. So yeah how to make things complicated just bc of my issues. I think it keeps me from getting closer to her as well.

Sorry I don´t have words of wisdom I just wanted to let you know I understand and you are not alone in this.

[lightcatcher]

Thanks solepa! Mine too has said I can email her, anytime, about anything. But I'm like "pff I don't need to contact you, how hard is two weeks"..... Stupid two weeks.
I don't know if you feel or think this- I think, for me to truly get through my stuff I have to let myself need her, then build myself (with her help) to not be needy of her. It sounds silly, but how can I truly work through feelings when I'm denying the feeling if need? Doesn't mean I won't fight it along the way

[Freewilled]

I can relate too....I *hate* being needy. I had a moment there where I allowed myself to be needy without fighting it, but it appears that was short-lived as I'm back to pushing my T away while secretly longing to see him during the week I think it's hard for me to be honest about my feelings because I believe he will think less of me and probably even terminate. It's hard to believe he would still be there and I know the feelings aren't reciprocal. Sure, I pay him but sometimes even money isn't enough and I know if he gets creeped out, he will drop me. Idk

[Solepa]

Originally Posted by lightcatcher

...........I don't know if you feel or think this- I think, for me to truly get through my stuff I have to let myself need her, then build myself (with her help) to not be needy of her. It sounds silly, but how can I truly work through feelings when I'm denying the feeling if need? Doesn't mean I won't fight it along the way

This is so hard for me... I have no idea what to do. I feel one part of me that seems to be rather childish has needs that I do not like such as wanting to feel loved, special, cared for, protected, held, be able to be vulnerable, somebody to tell her things are going to be ok and so on ......

The question the adult me is asking are: is my T ready to hear about these needs? Can I show them to her? Is she willing to meet them somehow??
I think it is ok to talk about them, I think it is even ok to show them BUT my T is never going to meet them or even come close sooo why even bother? Why get into them, why open them let them come close to me and then feel the pain of not having them met again?? I guess some T´s are willing to even meet them to some digree and that is great and probably worth a shot. Maybe your T is that kinda T??

[ar2004]

I hate depending on other people for anything. I can relate to feeling needy of my T which was a totally unexpected feeling. I think it is because I have opened up to her about things I have never opened up with to anyone else. I probably need to need her right now but it is certainly hard when my usual stubborn self just wants to close off and handle everything myself.

[Hope-Full]

Wow. I could have written half of these posts myself! I've been with my T nearly 3 years, and it's still a struggle at times to realize how heavily I rely on T. It took a good year before I was even able to admit that I had come to rely on T, another year before I was willing to consider that dependency ok, and even now, it's something that still comes up every few weeks, like I need to check in with T to make sure it's ok that I need T, and it's still ok with T.

Such an odd bird therapy is - we live our whole lives being fiercely independent, almost proud of our ability to survive on our own, then this stranger walks into our life, and we fall to pieces at the thought of being able to depend on them.