[rainbow8]

I failed miserably at keeping my activities on FB from my T. I tried for about half the session, but she and I knew I was avoiding her. She asked questions that I didn't answer because it would give myself away. We talked about the artwork I brought in and that was okay, but then I didn't know what to say.

Originally she thought I was triggered by her wet hair, which I was trying to ignore! She knows me so well. I couldn't look her in the eyes.

She wanted to do SE about my parents and asked if she was sitting a comfortable distance away from me, and I balked at that question, and asked what did it matter? I said I want to sit closer but it's not good for me. Then I said I wanted to go away and hide, and tried to cover myself with her blanket. She wanted me to "stay in the present", so I told her.

She wasn't angry at all!! I felt so relieved after I told her. I could finally look at her calmly and directly. I told her I was jealous and wanted to be like her, and that people were right to think so highly of her. She said "that's only social media" or some such comment. She thought she blocked other stuff--I guess she did--I saw only about 10 photos. She didn't mind at all. She said we have to find a way to make ME feel special about myself, and it was perfectly okay if we talk about this more.

I also told her I had feelings about her divorce and she said that's okay to talk about too. I said she seems so happy about it. Maybe that's triggering because of my marriage--we both agreed. I said I wished I was one of her daughters too.

T does NOT like me basing my decisions on people who are not Ts, she said. My former T told me that also. She really would like me not to ask for help on this forum. I don't want to give up PC. I'll have to think a lot about that. I told her I help others too. I'm not sure she thought that was so good, either. I really did try to stick up for you guys!!!

I asked her about our relationship and wondered if she just put up my card before I came in. She said, No, of course not. It's been there since last week. She said she doesn't stop thinking about me when she isn't working, that we have a relationship, whether she's with me or not. She asked whether I thought about people when I was working? I said that I did.

So, I learned to trust my T today, more than ever. I shouldn't have under estimated her compassion. In fact, she said it's NOT good to keep these feelings to myself. Rather, we need to work with them some more.

I'm exhausted now, but very relieved.

[tooski]

Sounds like a really good session. Glad you were able to speak up and didn't hold it all inside. Good work, rainbow!

[Favorite Jeans]

I like this forum because it can be nice to hear other peoples' perspectives. I often feel reassured that so many other people experience therapy as a huge life project and have so many disparate and intense feelings about it. But I don't generally base my life decisions on what people are saying on PC. Like all advice, some of it is good, some is bad. Some observations seem particularly astute and relevant to my situation and others less so. It's just one more way of interacting with people. It's not a cult or binding arbitration or anything. Does your T feel that you're unduly influenced by the other folks on PC?

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by tooski

Sounds like a really good session. Glad you were able to speak up and didn't hold it all inside. Good work, rainbow!

Thank you, tooski. I'm glad I told my T too.

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

I like this forum because it can be nice to hear other peoples' perspectives. I often feel reassured that so many other people experience therapy as a huge life project and have so many disparate and intense feelings about it. But I don't generally base my life decisions on what people are saying on PC. Like all advice, some of it is good, some is bad. Some observations seem particularly astute and relevant to my situation and others less so. It's just one more way of interacting with people. It's not a cult or binding arbitration or anything. Does your T feel that you're unduly influenced by the other folks on PC?

Yes, FJ. My T does think I'm too much influenced by what other people tell me on this forum. I think her main objection is that she's my T, not anyone here. She wonders about non-professionals giving advice to people in therapy. I think most of the advice is helpful; some isn't, and triggers me. I know I have to make my own decisions, though. It made sense to me to try not to tell my T about going on FB, but as I sat in my session I realized I had to tell her. I still think the advice to try to let it go was valid.

I've sometimes gotten really triggered when my T has been criticized. I have trouble with "like all advice, some of it is good, some is bad." I don't always know which is which! Sometimes there is no right or wrong, just different approaches.

[growlycat]

My main T has been concerned that pC can be triggering for me but I don't notice that at all. I find it helpful!!

I guess you have to take the advice given (by anyone, T or pc) and sort out what is useful and what isn't

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by growlycat

My main T has been concernedI that pC can be triggering for me but I don't notice that at all. I find it helpful!!

I guess you have to take the advice given (by anyone, T or pc) and sort out what is useful and what isn't

You're right, and that's what I have trouble with. I don't know how to tell what is useful and what isn't! Most of what people tell me, I believe. That's probably why T is so interested in building up my Self.

[LadyShadow]

Sounds like you had a really good session rainbow, I'm glad you made it through.

As for PC, my T actually supports the idea I'm on here, mostly because he knows me and my personality. I have been triggered by others on here where something would bother me for an entire day, but that hasn't hurt who I am and where I want to be.

I'm glad you are here, and you offer your opinions and your ideas, thanks for sticking up for us!

So glad you had a good session rainbow Your T sounds like she cares a lot about you.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

You're right, and that's what I have trouble with. I don't know how to tell what is useful and what isn't! Most of what people tell me, I believe. That's probably why T is so interested in building up my Self.

Oh yeah thats wishy-washy. A guy called me wishy-washy in high school - so over 40 years ago - and I never forgot it!! I didn't like it at all. But he was right. But I couldn't afford NOT to be wishy-washy. I think it ties in to betrayal. If you depend for your life on the ones betraying you, you have to be blind to their betrayal, per this research by Jennifer Freyd. It's kind of like dissociating. That's why I don't see my family of origin. It kept me straddling a fence which got more and more uncomfortable! I finally picked my side.

I LOVE reading your threads rainbow and what I love most about your therapy is the honesty between you and T. It feels as though you can say anything to her and she still loves you. Your t is so great.
As for pc, this place is great sometimes when we need some extra support but it also depends on what you want to get from it. By posting we open ourselves up to critiscm and when we are particularly vulnerable comments can be skewed(well we perceive them as that). I think maybe what you need to work on is confidence and the confidence in knowing that you and T are doing some fabulous healing work together and as long as you know and believe that, nothing anyone else says will matter

[ultramar]

I think a lot of people here have given advice based on what is thought most beneficial to you -with the issue of how your therapist, specifically, will react as a separate and maybe not as important part of the picture.

So people here have at times advised against sending e-mails because you have expressed a lot of anxiety and ruminating surrounding replies or lack there of, and because you've set not sending e-mails, at times, as a goal, so people will advise this based on this as well, as it seems reasonable to support you in reaching your goals.

How your therapist reacts to such things is something else entirely, though. She's fine with just about whatever you do. That's never really been a problem. I guess I see displeasing or pleasing your therapist in regards to your behavior as a separate thing. In other words, her not minding that you looked her up on FB, as a separate issue from if looking her up on FB is beneficial or damaging in some way to you.

But the way I see it now, at the end of the day, is that you're happy if your therapist is happy, so I don't see any point in worrying about stuff like this (FB, e-mails, etc.). Feeling guilty about it, which you probably do sometimes from what is said sometimes on the forum, is pretty pointless in this context. You may as well enjoy it fully and not worry if you're doing something 'wrong' or what she will think.

You know by now that if you post things like this (FB, etc.) you will often get replies advising against it, you surely expect this by now. So maybe your therapist is right, in a way. If you don't post these things, maybe you won't feel guilty, and no point in feeling guilty when everything is fine in the end, right? I'd say just go for it, sans the post-mortem here.