COME GET YOUR KiICKS ON COUCH 66!

I'm sorry Apt. I hope for you that things don't change completely for you with your friends.

Trdl - I hope you get some feedback on the group thread. I don't know anything about groups so I don't think I would have anything useful to add.

Having a little wine with my whine.

I had xrays done, and everything looks fine. I may need to get an mri if this back pain keeps up. I am really pissed off, because this is the 3rd week in a row I couldn't get to the wildlife clinic. I stopped swimming, because it seemed to be aggravating things. So, my life is on hold until the pain stops, and that pisses me off. Although, I have to admit, yesterday and today are the first days in the 3 weeks of pain that I actually stayed off my feet and babied my back.

Hi couch just stopping by to say hi. I'm turning in early-it's been a crappy day.

For anyone who may have missed my post on MUE earlier-she told me to let yous guys know she's been busy with work and will try to check in tonight, but if that does not happen she will check in as soon as she has time.

Later couch peeps.

sorry its been a crappy day! I hope tomorrow will be better.

Kind of sad sort of angry. T2 called me but I couldnt answer

I'm mad cause she told me she's ripping up my check...

Haha! This is pretty funny. My Professor actually assigned us to read a wiki article, even though my school has always highly frowned upon it! He is so darn lazy, I swear. He just didn't feel like printing out his original sheet!

(Its funny to me because they even dedicated a nice little section of our orientation to telling us "why not to use wiki") LOL!

Why does this make you mad?

((( RTS )))

Can you share more about why that makes you mad? I know I've been out of the loop for a while, but I'm concerned. (( HUGS ))

Hi MUE! Good to see you!

Hey couch peeps!

SO sorry that I haven't been around over the last couple weeks.

I ended up working myself into the ER - which no one in my real life knows about except T/group T. I ran myself ragged working all of those crazy shifts - missing sleep several days a week, not eating properly, not hydrating....was treated for dehydration but refused to get bloodwork or any other tests done. My dr followed up with me on it and demanded that I get my bloodwork and urinalysis done. I had that done last Friday and am waiting for the results - a bit terrified about that.

I'm tapering back to a more normal work schedule - forcing myself to be "off schedule" every now and then. Turning down work scares me, but creating health issues isn't going to help my financial situation either. Still not drinking water or eating properly, but I'm getting more sleep thankfully. I'm getting there.

The kittens are leaving tomorrow. I am devastated about that. I make the WORST foster mom because I've bonded with each of them. They each have their own quirky adorable personalities, and I can't stand the thought of not keeping them. My daughter grew close to one of them - the most skittish of the bunch. We're going to adopt him. The shelter said we can adopt up to 2 - but how do I choose??? And honestly, I can't afford more pets. Yet, here I am struggling to pick 2 out of 4. My heart is breaking into a million pieces over it.

I had a totally embarrassing group T session yesterday....I arrived a couple minutes late and my "usual seat" was taken. The co-facilitator offered up her seat the second I walked through the door, and I told her she didn't have to move....I sat with my back to the large window which is one of my fears....I've only done that maybe 2-3 times in the last 5 years.

Everything seemed to be going well...I involved myself, etc. and then BAM, panic hit me. For about a half hour, I was working to stave it off - just kept fighting the urge to leave the room. Then, the newest member addressed me saying that she didn't feel that I liked her or something along those lines....I wasn't able to respond because I was dealing with my own internal hell. T then asked me to respond to her at the end of the session, and I couldn't. T seemed disappointed - and I got pissed because T was soooo concerned about the newbie....and then finally I pushed myself to say something - and it turned into a full blown panic attack - shaking and all - with me blurting out all sorts of craziness about how my hair cut was too short....I totally freaked. I don't remember much about what else I said....something about feeling exposed....I don't know. I was too far gone to find calm.

After the session, I sat in my car shaking for while. One group member pulled his car up next to mine and asked if I wanted him to stay with me for a while. I said no but that I appreciated the gesture. It was all so incredibly embarrassing.

T sent me an email asking if I made it home okay and then said, "you did well tonight". WTF????

I feel totally embarrassed....freaking out about a damn hair cut....and nobody in group could possibly understand it because I haven't shared much. But it makes sense to me and T. Blech.

Anyhoo....that's what's been going on with me. Hoping to catch up on the couch and re-engage with everyone. Missed you all.

Thanks, CE! It's good to see you too. I've missed you guys!

Holy cannoli mue! That is rough. Hey you know I decided to eat 3 meals a day - breakfast by noon, lunch by 4 pm, dinner by 9 pm - and it has really helped me out. Because there have been times in the past couple of weeks where I would have said, nah I'm not that hungry I can wait - and I would have felt worse. I get that it's harder for you with your unknown work schedule, but I am amazed that this little change is giving me so much structure to fall back on. I highly recommend it. Take care

Hello Couch!
Welcome sterella
((((MUE))))
((((RTS)))))

((((everybody else)))))

Had a day of deep thingking about my session yesterday. And went and cooked dinner for ex and the girls as he is not feeling too good. His MH nurse seems to think he is boplar now!!!! I'm not sure about this, just cynical about him I suppose.

I'm thinking of getting my T to say "sub-optimal" in relation to my childhood. A suboptimal childhood sounds better than the A-word and N-word.

Granite I just read your thread re your mother and I think you are very brave, I know how that is. Sorry i haven't read it before as I wasn't ready to.

Good Morning...

Thanks for checking in MUE...we were worried! Drink water damitalltohell! Do I have to come over there and force feed you healthy stuff? lol.

Busy day ahead of me. Good luck to all the T peeps.

Ready...did T2 tear it up because she is giving you a freebie?

Well well well, first time here so lets hop on the couch!!! I have struggled my entire life with depression. Got bounced up to PTSD several years ago after a traumatic double murder of my husband's parents. Since then I have deteriorated rapidly. Been medicine jumping for about 4 years now with no relief. They can't figure me out I guess....??? Any information on Lithium is greatly appreciated. I start it today and should get my referral to a pdoc today also. I am scared!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good morning.

Morning Healed!

Hi Mzunderstood! Welcome to the couch. I don't know anything about Lithium, but there is a forum just for medications:
Psychiatric Medications - Forums at Psych Central
maybe you can find info there? I do know a lot about PTSD (too much... lol)

Ready, just leave it. Consider it extra cash, and as you're not going back anyways let it go. I know it feels like you owe her...I get that totally, but what can you do. Don't let it add up to another problem...Ok?

Ack. That's kind of bad. Unless - I have given students assignments to read Wikipedia articles before, asking them to analyse why such articles are not appropriate sources for an academic paper. And I have also told students that they can sometimes find good sources by looking at the sources used for relevant Wikipedia articles... maybe it was something like that your professor was after? (I can always hope...)

Welcome to the couch, mzunderstood! I have no experience with lithium, but I know it's fairly widely used. I'm glad to hear you'll be seeing a pdoc. Those are the people who actually know something about medication.
And welcome to crimsonblues, too - I don't think I said that.

Good afternoon couchies. I'm spending today on RL couches - T's this morning, and then I went home to cuddle up with blankets and tea and cats and try to get rid of my throat infection. I probably am running a bit of a fever, too. Blargh. We're going to visit my father-in-law on Saturday - haven't seen him for at least five years - and I would hate to be too ill to go.

I'll post a new thread about my T session, I think. It went well, and I am deeply grateful to have found this T. Right now he is the only person in RL I can trust to be on my side (and I actually told him so, too. His reply was "Hm." )

I have a question for my fellow couchsters. My T and I periodically argue about whether certain things are my fault or not. I argue that if many, many people say the same thing to me (ie something is my fault) or do or treat me a certain way, CLEARLY I am at least somewhat at fault or contributing to the problem in some way. He says that is not true.

My example to him was from my horse back riding competitions -- if one judge says I am off balance to the left, I can write that off. If a second judge says that, well, maybe that judge just glanced at bad moment or maybe that judge is wrong. When the third, fourth and fifth judges say I am off balance to the left, well then clearly, I AM off balance to the left and need to get lessons to address that.

He claims that analogy does not hold in real life, particularly since people from abusive backgrounds tend to pick unhealthy relationships. Therefore, even if 40 people all say it's my fault, it is NOT my fault.

What do you guys think? If enough people say you are a crappy driver, don't you start to think you're a crappy driver? Is it really possible that everyone else is wrong while you are the only right person?

Ha, I've been having that conversation with my T, most recently last week.... he agrees with your T. I agree with you. (About me, not about you.) But I honestly don't know, because I know my thinking about myself is way distorted.

i do believe that if 40 people say you are a crappy driver that of course you would think you are a crappy driver. but the word here is think. if all you ever hear is you are crappy .what else could you think . but thinking something does not necessarily mean it is true it is just what you have been lead to think. i think in the end you need to figure out a way to be a good enough driver and who gives a crap what others think unless you are driving on the sidewalk