Couch 67 - Keep calm, carry on, and have a cup of tea.

Indeed. Waiting is good for them. Perhaps one should ask them how it makes them feel.

Sure, as long as you don't blame me if you don't like it. Ha.

I've never read Ender's Game. I don't even know what it's about to be honest. I recognize the title though. Is it science fiction?

So I finally feel okay discussing my T appointment from Tuesday a little. It may be triggering for some (discussion of inappropriate touching), and I was embarrassed about it.



T and I spent most of the appointment talking about my MIL's boyfriend and his request/demand that I go to lunch with him so he can tell me about himself and how he feels about MIL. He says I don't even know him and I "have" to let him tell me about himself. I said I would consider it. T and I discussed it and how I feel that (1) it's a lot of pressure because he insists on meeting me with JUST the two of us and doesn't want my H there, so it feels like he's trying to intimidate me. And (2) making it JUST me continues the misconception that *I* am the problem when the reality is that no one in the family likes him and my kids absolutely refuse to be around him. T agreed with me on those points and we discussed the pros and cons of the meeting.

I had mentioned at the beginning of the appointment how I needed to talk to about my mother and her craziness over Thanksgiving, but I talked about MIL's B until less than 10 minutes were left in the session. T asked me about my mother at that point and I told him how, despite how carefully I usually hug her to try to stop her from touching me weirdly (I use my left hand to hold her right arm and keep my right arm clamped to my rib cage), she still managed to grope me when I hugged her. Then she was pissed at my D and me because D did not hug my mother. Well, duh.

T said there for a second and I had trouble reading his expression, Then he said, "and you wait until the last 5 minutes to tell me THIS?'' Well. Last 8 minutes technically, but yeah. So it turns out he thought that was a much bigger deal than I did. Although on some level, I knew it was a big deal because my hands were shaking when I talked about it, and are shaking even now writing about it, but the MIL's B thing was important too AND it was practical AND it is something I can do something about. Anyway. So T was frustrated and a bit upset it seemed. He kept going past the end of session, discussing it and how unsafe my mother is and how he thinks I should not be in the same room with her. I kept trying to wrap things up and get out on time, but he insisted we needed to discuss it (he rarely insists on much). He even kept talking about it when I walked over to the scheduling desk and talked WHILE he was doing the scheduling thing. He has gone past the end of session maybe twice in over three years, so I am feeling like I got therapy detention.

Too many Jane Austen, Anthony Trollope, Evelyn Waugh and Dorothy Sayers (among others) novels.

And old bbc sitcoms - I adore BlackAdder and Waiting for God. And Red Dwarf.
And Monty Python. And Rumpole of the Bailey.

"My Family and other Animals" by Gerald Durrell.

I love all his books, but that one is a favorite.

On a side note- H is pissed that my son has gone to daycare two days this week that I didn't work. I get it...

I talked about ED today with T more than I have done so before. She says she must tell my gp as it is serious. I am afraid. I know what I am doing is damaging but I don't want to tell anyone else. It is my secret coping mechanism. It took so much to tell her. I wish I hadn't. I feel so alone.

I know just how you feel. After this past year, I know just how important it is to talk about it and you've taken that important first step of talking to a t about it. I'm very proud of you for doing so. It is very hard to keep talking, but you must do so. Even a little bit at a time is okay. My t got me into a GP as well- just to keep an eye on me. I resisted at first, but then I realized he was doing it because he cared. You can do this. I'm here if you need to talk more. Message me if you'd like to.

Thank you so much. it just feels so scary.

I know it does and it is. I know what you're going through. Keep talking. You've already taken the hardest step by starting the conversation.

In my pursuit to have healthy relationships (which I couldn't even define that let alone manage to carry that out), I made a final appt with xT to have some closure since I just stopped going...AGAIN

I have quit and gone back to this guy at least 4 or 5 times....

I haven't told him yet that I've started going to someone who accepts my insurance... but no matter all of my other love/hate feelings for him I can't afford to keep seeing him.

I tried to figure out what my goal is in having this last meeting. I couldn't really come up with anything other than to thank him for all he's done and to make sure he's not angry with me... because that is how my codependent self rolls...

He cancelled tonight due to a stomach bug...rescheduled for tomorrow night because he thinks he'll be better...ughh I dont want to catch that.

That seems optimistic. He should take his illness more seriously.