Couch 67 - Keep calm, carry on, and have a cup of tea.

I don't remember kindergarten teachers or even much about my elementary school ones. I remember hating one other child in kindergarten who was extremely bossy and kept making this other rather wimpy child cry.

I was always a little grown up in a childs body. I had to take care of my Mother, well not that she couldn't take care of herself, she just wouldn't. She was a tadbit crazy. Course now I want to have a childhood so I'm being stubborn and refusing to act maturely, etc. Like you said outer child!

OMG! IUt sounds like your teacher didn't even care!

I didn't know my phone number in 4th grade and she sighed and lectured me in front of the whole class about not knowing my number and going on about how everyone else knew theres and I'm like "Well maybe it's because I just moved here you moron!" God Mrs Frenyea was a *****. One time I came into class with nail polish on my nails and she said that i looked ugly with painted nails.

I hate teachers. I can't believe at one point I wanted to be one.

But you want to be a therapist instead?

Yes. I hate kids. So I would make a **** teacher. I think though that my classes have opened me up a bit more, to be more tolerant of others and how they may act. Make me think of what they may have gone through for them to end up that way, etc.

Thanks Jersey

The talk went well. He understood and actually said a lot of what my t says too. That the abandonment issues I have are not my fault, they are all my father's fault and that he'll support me 100% in whatever I decide to do. He just wishes he could do more and wants to know what else he could be doing. I was pretty open with him, except for where my ED is concerned. Nothing is too bad at this point, my weight is stable, so I didn't see the point of bringing it up just then. He also doesn't know just how bad my depression/anxiety really is. He knows I take meds for them, but that's it.

I have decided to bring him in to my session with me today. But only for the second half. I am going to talk to my t about the parameters of our discussion first. Our questions are what to do about the kids and how to handle that if they ask. What to do if my father calls and they answer. Not sure how to answer that one. I won't want to ask the kids to lie. My DH will tell him I'm at the store or I'm not available and if he calls my cell, I'll ignore it, I just won't call him back. With the holidays approaching, I know we'll hear from either my stepmom or him about getting together at some point. My DH would also like to know what he can do to support me through all of this. He knew things were getting bad with the relationship, just not how much. From what we talked about last night, I truly believe he gets it. I feel lucky to have his support. I believe he would be my go between if I asked him to. He does the same with my ED if I ask.

Either way, I'm not in a place to have the talk yet with my father about ending our 'relationship' just yet. It needs to happen at some point. It's just too toxic for my ED recovery. Besides, he's abandoned most of his other family by now, you'd think he'd get the hint. Just can't deal with the rejection any longer. Hurts too much.

Thanks again for asking Jersey. I hope you're able to make it into your appt!

Hello couch.. Taking a break to eat a little before my afternoon pre-k class starts.. I am ready to be back in bed.

Feel like an idiot. For the second time, I showed up 4 hours early for my appt. I usually have the 9am slot only to find out my appt isn't until 1pm. Luckily the receptionists are very kind about it. This is the appt my DH is joining us too. Ugh I feel so stupid.

photos, I can't express how much I admire you for talking to your H about these things. You are so much stronger than I could ever be. Well done.

I promise i was nice! I had an insight about this in my own case this week. When Jacoby Ellsbury (my favorite player) got signed by the Yankees (ts favorite team) i said to t, "now you HAVE to take me to a game!" As if all conditions have finally been fulfilled. What conditions?? Our mothers' conditional love? Guess what. We dont have that, but we do have each other. Sheep and pool.

To continue in the stream of conscious mode:
Moose and squirrel

Avatars! Altho i commend you for not breaking copyright laws

I am an officer of the court,

Dont go all gilbert and sullivan on me - no wait, that was Sousa, a major minor miracle or whatever!

I ended up letting my older son stay home today since he is sick (sick of school) and the brothers are hanging out. Luckily they don't fight too much (and definitely not physically since that is outlawed at my house)...

Hey Wiki and Granite... yous guys didn't check in this morning...

Hope you two are doing okay.

Thanks Mast. Honestly, it isn't my first choice, but if my father calls here, I need interference. Plus, I have this crazy thing where I want to impress my T. Also, there is a lot my DH doesn't know. I hide so much behind my smile and when I say "I'm okay".

Thanks again. It really does mean a lot. So incredibly hard, but so glad I did it too.

yeah, if I were ever to tell my H that I'm in therapy, it would be because I wanted to impress my T. Which is not really the best reason.

You did good, and I'm so happy that it went well for you.

I hope you are better MKAC.

Back from my session with my T and my DH. It was both okay and completely horrible. All of the father stuff went okay. But then T asked if my DH had anything else he wanted to talk about me with him. Of course he did. I thought our time was up. Instead my DH told T that he sees him as my 2nd husband who knows all of my deep, dark secrets. That I'm able to tell him everything and my DH nothing. Made me feel horrible because it's kind of true- the secrets part, not the husband part. He doesn't know we've been talking about parent transference lately. Yikes! Even worse, T told him he'd love it if my DH would come in once a month to my sessions and DH thought that sounded great! No way! Always with my permission, but no way. Today was hard enough. I'm ready to run away and crawl in a hole. This sucks.

Yikes, photos. Your T said that without running the idea past you first? I would not like that - this is your individual therapy, not couples therapy, and your T does not get to decide that kind of thing. I mean, even if he said it's always with your permission, he should not have said that to your H without asking you how you felt about the idea. I'm sorry that happened.

I am guessing mkac is exhausted and drugged. But hopefully with tooth problem under control.

Oh Photototakes....I'm so sorry that happened... Well now is the time to be empowered and have boundaries.... This is about you and not your H....

I would be spitting nails angry at my T and I would have said no way in hell that was happening.... Btw my H was jealous too...

I see Christian counselors and I'm just curious...is your T one?

PS, I woke up to read this. I hate your T. What the **** is he thinking? What about the therapy room being a safe place for you? Did he get a license in a cracker jack box? The ****.

huh. Perhaps that was over the top. Sorry. I love love love codeine but perhaps codeine + PC forum = too much honesty from me for anyone's good.

MKAC...trying to figure out your last word "the ****" because I was thinking of a 5 letter word

I thought I was feeling better enough to work, but perhaps not. The tooth was really bad and it took a long time to do the root canal. It was incredibly painful as soon as the numbing stuff wore off and I had to argue with the pharmacy to get them to fill scrip for the new painkillers because they JUST filled a scrip for painkillers and treated me like I am an addict or something.

I called the other dentist and explained that I already had the 8 am appointment, blah blah, and made an appointment for my son to get his teeth cleaned when he's home, and that seemed like it was okay with them.