can't talk to T, but I really need to. What would you do?

I was just starting to calm down about last session when T told me I'm ahead in therapy and to think about the positive things and the things I still have to solve.

And I have this new job, but don't like my boss at times. He's kind but too curious about me and asks a loooot of questions about my love stories and boyfriends (which I'm not comfortable with and is triggering). He's constantly crossing my boundaries and I told T last time.
Today I happened to be alone with him and he started long personal chats and then suddenly hugged me. He truly held me and I was petrified and felt threatened. He did it 5 times, also leaning his cheek against mine later. The last time he WOULDN'T let me go. Maybe it's just culture (he's from middle east and we're in europe) but I hated it. I was in panic and longed to call T just to hear "it's going to be ok" to calm down and make it until closing time but she's off until Jan 11th plus she never said I can contact her between sessions, I have her number & e-mail but she said it was preferably for sessions arrangements. I never called her. Today I was in crisis and I usually cope addressing rage toward myself, like hurting myself. But T doesn't know.
I told my mother about today but she ignored the whole thing and I got even more upset. am I just being a wimp about it, btw?

Probably T isn't even the one I should bother - I mean, how selfish would i be, and maybe i'd be crossing her boundaries (which I really don't mean to).
I have to wait another 2 weeks before I can tell T but it feels like a year.
Ever been in need but not exactly allowed to reach out?

Oh Ambra,
I am so sorry this has happened. Please let me be the first to say you are NOT being a wimp. Unwanted touch is a huge boundary violation, and when it's by a boss, there's intimidation too. In the U.S., it can easily be considered sexual harassment.

From a purely practical standpoint, I strongly encourage you to document what happened. You can even just email yourself - just put it in writing with a time and date stamp. It would be better to email your boss and explain that though you know it is the holiday season and he was probably just being friendly, you were very uncomfortable with his hugs and would appreciate if he refrained from doing so again...(etc.)

Now to the crux of your question. You would not be selfish to text or email. You would be asking a care provider, with whom you have an arrangment, for help. Your T may not be in a position to help and could say she was unavailable. That would make me very sad for you, but it wouldn't take away from the fact that you expressed your needs. On the other hand, she might be able to give you some help processing this so that you indeed recognize that your boss is the evil party and you have NO REASON to take anything out on yourself. I am quite familiar with SI urges, but it will do you more harm than good so please don't do it.

Offering you safe and virtual hugs.

Absolutely everything that bubsmiley said, plus, can you tell your boss No, either honestly or with a white lie to help you feel comfortable? If you can't, is there a human resources office to help you? The touch sounds completely, completely inappropriate, that's not culturally acceptable behavior either!

Thank you for posting, I start having doubts about my perception of right and wrong. Such tight hugs are considered non-appropriate here as well - but I was hoping not to have to sue anyone. I wrote about it though and will report it if necessary.
I did want to tell him but I was very intimidated because of the authority. I'll definitely tell him on Monday hoping he won't take it personally because he gets easily upset if I refuse something (a drink, food..). And he often tells me "you don't speak", "what are you thinking about?", "talk to me/say something" and such things with the excuse he likes to joke.

I won't contact T now (unless I feel like really hurting myself again) because you made me realize how I might regret calling her if I didn't get a word of comfort. I hope I can still tell T about this in January because I think I need to process it anyway - and we have to start working on a similar but older issue.

I know it seems all the weird things are happening to me (my crazy gp, this one..) but the truth is, among all the good people I know I'm also bumping into a lot of idiots lately.

I'm not sure you need to tell boss you are intimidated. That gives him even more power. You just want to make your wants/needs known, in this case - no hugs. His comments that you described as being upset or taking things personally are completely inappropriate for a work environment and are most likely manipulations, not true upsetness (which I don't think is a word, but should be).

It was not my intention to tell you not to call your T, though I do get how you came to that conclusion. I'm more of a nothing ventured, nothing gained person, but respect that not everyone is.

Please do keep posting. And it's my opinion that those weird things do happen together to give me a message, tho I don't always understand what the message is or what I'm supposed to do with the information.

Bub

I don't want to tell him he's intimidating to me, I was referring to the hugs thing but I didn't explain it well in English.

I do now think it's worth waiting before contacting T because while I agree on the "nothing ventured nothing gained" I also want to protect myself from a potential shock (T rejecting me) on the other hand. I wouldn't have thought too much about it this time, had it happened at least outside the holiday season, because I think she'd be there. But in the holiday-mode you never know. Once in session she gave a hint that I could actually call for emergencies. Oh I hate holidays.. I'll call if I'm not safe and can't cope on my own.

I'll keep posting... you guys are truly amazing.

I'm really sorry that he's doing that. It sounds super inappropriate and I'd be really uncomfortable too. Actually, with my PTSD, I'd probably sock him in the jaw if he tried to touch me.

I really don't know anything about how to deal with stuff like that in the workplace. But I was having a situation today where I really needed to talk to my T. I asked myself what she would tell me to do if I could tell her. She'd tell me not to hole myself up in my room and to go out with people and do stuff to get the thing that is bothering me off of my mind. She'd tell me I have a right to feel the way I do and that I have a valid concern. I tried to allow this image of her in my mind to talk me through managing my overwhelming feelings and it worked. Is that something you could try? What do you think she would tell you to do to make dealing with the feelings easier?

Middle East or not in Europe (not sure about the east part) this is highly inappropriate. Even in the South were they have much smaller personal spaces (which annoys us, cold Northerners) there's a no hugging policy.
Though I must say when I worked in Italy the work environment was a bit different- I did endure some talks about my personal life (as was the common practice and I dealt with it by creating a fiancé at home waiting for me to get married ), literal patting on backs, hands resting on shoulders when in convo... from my superiors (male and female alike) but NEVER hugging. It was a bit uncomfortable for me (esp in the beginning) but I never felt like I was singled out. So common it was that I probably would have felt weird, had they not treated me that way.

If you think contacting your T would help you speak up, please do so. The earlier you'll say stg the better. : one safe hug if wanted :

Thanks Growlithing - I do this for the things we discussed and processed and you are right, it helps.. in this situation it wasn't helpful in the immediate moments but it was a bit later, which is good. Can't wait to process it (I had nightmares about my ptsd tonight, hhhhh! I hate it) and get some more tools to prevent damaging myself.

That's where I'm from.. still, I've never experienced such a boundary violation before - I mean the hugs from my thread - even in this country (plus I live in the extreme north which is usually more sober). I did get occasionally touched on my shoulder in past jobs and we do tolerate it (well, usually) but I made some clearness and came to the conclusion hugs are under no circumstances admitted after wondering if I was being a wimp about it. I can't get used to it cause it was just too intimate, I don't even wanna hugh a friend of mine that way.
I think I'll want to process it in therapy once I see T again..

Your hugs are welcome