[Canyon]

I'm kind of at a crossroads at this time. I don't really know what to do about therapy. I have not gone to see my T in about 2 months. To be honest, a big part of me doesn't want to and is a little intimidated at the prospect.

What I'm wondering is: what keeps you guys going to therapy?

I'm just so torn in all of it. I have seen what I'm like when I get fully invested in the process. I don't really like the me that I become. I don't really want to need it so badly like I did at different times in the past. I don't like the drives home where I obsess over everything that was and wasn't said; all of the things that the T could have meant by different things that they said.

I don't like the days of "getting over" a therapy session, then only followed by the day or two of mentally preparing for one (or getting excited about one). It seemed that my life revolved around it.

I just don't want to "be" a mental illness 24/7.

Here's the rub: I feel like I probably need some sort of therapy. I just never want to live it again. I think that is why I have been totally unable to connect with my current T.

How do you guys balance this? Are you able to all of the time?

[unlockingsanity]

I could have written your post. I wish I had some type of answers to give you. I just went back after a few month break. It felt great, but like you said, you get overwhelmed by processing the session and then getting ready for the next.

Where does it end? How well is well enough?

[Asiablue]

What motivates me to keep going is i have this overwhelming impetus to get to a place in my life where i can live comfortable in my own skin. I literally don't feel like there's any alternative for me.
I hate the therapy "treadmill" too, the constant thinking about it, the struggles, the attachments etc and on the days i really don't want to go, it's the relationship that gets me thru. Because if i like my therapist enough i'll go just to see her on those days where i really want to avoid the work.

[stopdog]

The best thing I ever did was find the second one. I do much better seeing the two different therapists.
The second is better at it with me, explains things, apologizes when she screws up and is very calm.
The two experiences are very different from each other even though they both claim to be psychodynamic.

[A Red Panda]

What keeps me going to therapy? The fact that I don't usually give things a second shot. This is my one shot, so I'll work at it and do my best. I had always had it in reserve as in "you can't kill yourself because you haven't tried therapy or meds yet." I am now trying those, so I'm rather motivated to make them work somehow.

What helps me in therapy? The fact that my T apologizes and has apologized for things he's noticed without me saying so. The fact that he does understand a lot about me already based on how he joins things together. That helps me. It helps to have someone safe to speak to about things - like... he's the only person outside of a relationship that I've ever told my issues with in the moment of dealing with them. I've told him I was upset, while I was upset. He's a safe person to do that with, so it is good practice for me because it is the sort of thing that I wish I could do.

[Canyon]

Thank you all of you guys for your responses. Good to know that others understand the "treadmill" thing.

[brillskep]

I keep going because, to me, therapy is a resource. I get what I need from it and I like what I'm becoming thanks to it. Sometimes I do need a lot of time to process sessions too - it is a bit of a challenge since I also have several other activities during the week which require my full attention, presence, cognitive and emotional processing. But somehow I keep doing it and if I gave up on my therapy I would only have stuff to lose at this point.

[Raging Quiet]

What keeps me going to therapy?

Transference at the moment..

[willowbrook]

Lots of reasons...

- I feel it is genuinely helping me.
- I'm beginning to feel more like a person on a journey of healing & discovery, rather than just a collection of symptoms and diagnosis.
- I get on really well with my Pdoc. His boundaries are clear enough that I feel safe (I've had a previous Pdoc violate boundaries in a way that was predatory and abusive), but flexible enough at the same time that I'm able to feel a positive connection with him. I also really like the fact that while we definitely have a clearly defined patient/therapist relationship, he still speaks to me on an equal level and never patronises or talks down to me.
- More often than not our sessions are really fun and enriching.
- The majority of time I come out of a session feeling really buoyed up and positive, then I take a few days to process what was said/discussed and absorb the information and then try to find ways to apply it to various life situations.