Hmmm, is it just me?

I always love seeing my T - she is so sweet and funny and wears cute outfits and although its her job she really tries to actually "get" what i'm saying. But sometimes I get "moody" and just don't want to go (before recently I always did though). In those cases its usually because I just don't feel like talking. T now knows that my "stand offishness" has nothing to do with her and is more reflective of my mind frame on that day. Before she realized my push/pull, she once made a comment to me on a shut down day (where I had absolutely nothing to say) about how she felt like "sometimes I like her, and other times I don't. Today, I feel like you don't and that's okay."

don't think I get the long division analogy, but chemotherapy sort of fits.

I don't dread going to T nor do I look forward to it. For me it is just another thing I have committed to doing for my well-being. T for me though is more of an accountability thing right now. I think after the maternity leave my T will be on soon...there will be more self-exploration. This is primarily because I will have more time to do something other than just skills. I have planned to do back to back 1hour sessions.

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Me too. And despite the side effects, I do look forward to T each week. I'd go several times a week if I could.

To me your analogy with the chemotherapy is really spot on.

I have to go to medical therapies very similar to chemo. While I dislike both the medical treatments that I have to go through and the psychotherapy they serve the purpose of rooting things out of me that are harmful to me. Both have unpleasant side effect afterwards that make me really not want to go.

Since at this time therapy isn't life or death I have put that on hold for a bit.

I'm really glad that there are those that do really enjoy and look forward to it. Wish I was one of those.

I am the same as you are Daeva

I hate the process but like the results... I hope it'd be worth it in the end.

Daeva, I am just like you too. I've always looked forward to my therapy sessions--for years with different Ts. I'm usually excited and anxious, and have never canceled a session unless I'm sick or out-of-town. I've NEVER felt like I didn't want to go, which is the reason I have problems with termination.

I guess that's the difference for me. I love the process.

It's definitely a love-hate relationship for me. Sometimes I love to hate it and sometimes I hate to love it.

I've even compared it to a moth-to-a-flame situation. Like what I love and am drawn to can also kill me.

I normally look forward to my sessions too. Sometimes, though, things can happen in any relationship to make some days and weeks or even months worse than others. The longer term you stay in therapy, the more likely something like that is to occur between you and your therapist. I've had times like that too - misunderstandings and even some really nasty things simply because life happens to us all, therapist or not Sometimes it's difficult to maintain all that benevolence going, but my therapist has for the most part and I am grateful, even if on occasion I may dread how a certain interaction leaves me feeling and having to return and deal with it next week. That's actually an important part of therapy, I think - dealing with it even when it's not all rainbows and butterflies.

On another note, I really do like therapy. If I didn't and if it weren't helping me, I would stop going.

I love the process too!

I don't think I have ever seen/heard/read a clear non circular definition of "the process" as used by therapists or clients.

I adore the Art of therapy. It's the only thing that makes sense to me in this sometime senseless life.

I was using "process" in a generic way. I love going to therapy, knowing my T is going to listen to me, interact with me, try to help me, and smile at me! I love being there in the room with her. I love the connection with her and knowing she really sees me and cares about me. I love the way we can explore my childhood and my present, and the way we can be IN the present by doing mindfulness exercises like breathing and visualizations. I love that I can tell her anything, that nothing is TMI. I love the whole idea of therapy! I love it TOO much, I know. I think I've learned more in therapy than in college--especially how to interact with someone in an honest, open manner, and how to enjoy the pleasures in life like my T does. The whole experience is what I call the process.

I actually love going to therapy except when we plan to discuss deep issues. I fear the thought of getting emotional. Fortunately, so far, when the time comes to discuss the dark times of my past, it's not too horrible. My T handles it in a very delicate way and I come out feeling better than when I came in. I am very thankful for my T and so glad I can see him every week.

My t I never dreaded going to because I knew that I could vent frustrations and receive some insight. Now going to pdoc is another story. I resented making over a 100 mile round trip to see him for all of 20 minutes. Even after seeing him for several years I always felt like he had no idea who I was till he opened my folder.He had this form that he filled out at end of meeting where he wrote down a short statement after a key word. Over half of the key words did not apply to my situation and he would write bizarre comments in them. When I had insurance they insisted that I had to see only him. Once I was on private pay and pulled some of the bizarre statements stuff I found a PA to monitor my meds with T input.

I hate going to therapy. I hate it. I get completely freaking nervous before I have to go, then I get in the room, my T smiles at me, usually in a way I perceive as flirtatious, and I feel like I have to get everything in my head under control. I wish I'd never started to go. I may have had massive rage, anger, and anxiety before I started therapy but now? Now I have all these things, and feelings falling out all over the place, and a desire, that is overwhelming, pardon mon francais to hate **** my therapist into the floor and then walk out.

I fluctuate, and either hate the anticipation and anxiety before a session, or crave it. And depending on how the session goes, I either consider quitting outright or panic about the possibility of termination.

I want off the roller coaster!!!

.....After this frigid cold this week, I went to get into my truck & head to my psychologist who I was desperately needing to talk with to help me get through this difficult time right now......& my battery was dead & I had to wait for a few minutes until my neighbor could get away from his farm to help me jump start my truck......& then it took quite awhile to get it started because the -2F weather had done a real number on my battery & I had been too lazy to go out in the cold to start my truck through the bad weather......I felt totally down as she helps me to keep my focus & my perspective on the reality of my situation.

Maybe it was a good thing because I went to the mechanic right after that to have them check out the noise I was hearing & found out my breaks were so bad they could have gone out at any time so not having that 40 minute drive to see my psychologist could have actually saved me from a possible accident with my breaks going out.......

So even though there was a negative about not getting to see her, there was a positive in the whole situation also....& I have DBT next monday before I have the pain specialist appointment Wed morning & I have another appointment with my psychologist that afternoon...figured it was the perfect time for the appointment....I would be either elated by having found the care I need or so down I would definitely NEED to talk with her. She helps keep my DBT skills functioning with the necessary reminders & all our conversations.....love to have someone I can sit down & logically talk through issues with since I have no one at home & some things I just wouldn't want to burden friends with especially with friends who like to FIX everything.

Right from the start I've always enjoyed the sessions with Pdoc, that doesn't mean though that I wasn't nervous, or afraid, or suspicious, or just plain not wanting to go beforehand. Once I was in a session I was okay (more or less), it was just the build up before the session that got to me. I was psychologically abused by a previous male Pdoc, who manipulated treatment, broke patient confidentially and then proceeded to gradually sexualise our sessions. I got out before things went all the way, but it still had a long lasting effect on me. My current Pdoc is the first male Psych I've agreed to see in 15 years and it did take me a long time to completely and whole heartedly trust him - hence the trepidation about therapy. Now that I do trust him completely therapy has been moving ahead in leaps and bounds.

I am also always looking forward to sessions and I'm excited about them, so I would never imagine myself avoiding a session. However, sometimes I feel like I hate my T but then I want to see him even more so that I could tell him that