Told T about transference...

..somewhat. Im so frustrated though. I clammed up like I always do.

Let me first start off by saying that the kind of transference I have is not in any way romantic or sexual. I actually think I would feel better if it was, maybe then I would be able to explain it better and understand it.

Anyway, so I had a session with T yesterday and toward the end I asked her to explain transference. Eventually wshe got me to admit that I missed her over the holidays and she reassured me that it was completely fine. I still shut down on her though. So after a while of trying to coax me into express how I was feeling she asked if there was anyone else that I could talk to about what Im feeling. Right now there isnt and I dont really want to talk to anybody else about it. I don't understand it myself.

I promised to let it out when I figured out what exactly I was feeling. So now I'm desperately trying to piece together why I am feeling the way I feel. T also expressed how important it is to address it so that it doesnt interfer with the theraputic process.

I just feel confused and frustrated with myself. I kind of wished I had not brought it up until I had it sorted in my mind.

How long have you been seeing your T? And how often? It could help you understand better.

I actually had a lengthy conversation with T the other day about this. T explained that it is a natural part of the therapy process to grow attached to and dependent on your T. The conversation came up because I still struggle at times with how much I depend on T, and how attached I am to T.

I guess what I'm saying is most Ts expect the attachment, the dependence, the "missing T" feelings over holiday. It's ok, even if we, the patients, struggle to be ok with it (like I do!)

This transference thing is no fun. It seems to be a big problem for so many of us. I do know one way to calm it down a bit is to tell your T, which is exactly what you did. This is step one. Step two is figuring out why you have it (attachment issues) and really educate yourself (so many articles on the web about Transference) so you understand what is going on. Then, when you have those two steps down, you work on it with your T. Try to work on the root of the problem. Then the final step is TIME. Eventually, as I am told, it will slowly fade away.

I've been in therapy since March of 2013, so almost a year. I started off seeing T once a week until around August and then we bumbed it up to twice a week, so it's been that way since then.