I really messed up, scared to face my T

Last week I had a rough session and I ended up sending my T an email disclosing a bunch of stuff. He responded vaguely but positively, and we are going to discuss everything next session.

Then today I did something I really regret - and I know I should tell my T - but I'm scared he's going to be disappointed. I've made good progress and shown a lot of courage...until now....now I feel like I am going to let him down.

Part of me wants to skip a week and regroup, get ready for what I need to say and muster my nerve. The other part of me thinks I should be brave and just go.

What would you do?

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Suppose you decide to skip. Are you going to spend another week dreading your next meeting? or do you think it will help you calm down and be able to talk about it more?

It will only make things worse to wait. I recommend that you go, and face this stuff now rather than next week.

Most patients trip up somewhere along the way. Most Ts know that.

I would go, otherwise you will be in the same position for an extra week. Let us know how it goes.

I also agree you should go

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You'll still be agonizing over it for the next week if you do wait...I'm in the same position right now and I think you just helped me realize that I just need to go instead of rescheduling and waiting another week because I'm so nervous to talk in depth and bring up what I know we have planned to talk about this week....I have put off talking about it for the last two weeks and this week I have to face it. So reading your post and thinking what I would suggest for you to do as advice made me realize that I need to give that same suggestion to myself. So, please just consider going and getting through this session because even if you wait until next week it is still going to be just as difficult to talk about...just at a later date. What makes it easier is our T's. They are there to help us get through it. My T always reminds me of this...when we open up and talk about what we keep inside, we take the power away from those things so they can't hold us back/down anymore. I always have to remind myself of that.

Hello Mactastic-

I agree with Syra in that the question is how will a week off affect you? Will it be helpful for you to have that time or will it mean more time feeling anxious and upset? I do truly understand the feeling of wanting to not upset the therapist-I can empathize with that anxiety but I have come to know that the healing process is not a straight line. That means that there will be glitches and moments when we feel that we're going backwards or feeling like we slipped up-but it's all a part of the healing process. Any therapist worth their salt should know this fact. The important thing here is self-compassion (I'm constantly working on this myself-being able to have self-compassion) and how you are responding to whatever happened to cause you to feel that you slipped up. In other words-do what is best for you, what feels right for you.

I'm so afraid he's going to judge me or be disappointed. I know he's going to feel like I 'know better' and I wonder if he's going to be thinking he can't help me if I go and do crap that's detrimental to my emotional well-being. Up until his point I have taken so much pride in being a "good client" by really facing my fears, being consistent with appointments, reading recommended books, and trying (really trying) all his suggestions. And then I go and do something stupid

It's also pretty 'shady' because we had such a full agenda for this upcoming session already. I hope he doesn't think I went and did what I did to put off that conversation - or maybe I did! This is all so confusing

I literally have a pit in my stomach just thinking about it. I did decide to go to my session this week (tomorrow! ) I realize putting it off isn't going to help.

I think you made the right decision, Mactastic. I know how hard it must have been.

FWIW, I always struggle with the fear of disappointing my T. He usually defuses that - or tries to - by bringing up the fact that I fear his disapproval, and discussing what that means, where it comes from and why I don't actually need to fear it. I still do fear it, but it helps to know that he is aware of the fear. Is that something you can talk to your T about?

Good luck tomorrow! Although I have been there with those horrible "wanting to keep T at arms distance" moments - my T is always cunning in getting me there and it has never been as awful as I had imagined. Let us know how it goes. Soup

I guess I'm afraid of the unknown. I've never had any setbacks in our 6 months together. I don't know how he'll react. :-( he allows me to send off pre-session "agendas" because knowing what we are going to talk about helps me. I just sent off my agenda for tomorrow and told him I did something I regret and that makes me scared I will disappoint him.

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I hear that you have been a really good client. You're consistent. Do your homework. Work really hard. Pay attention to his suggestions. If, after that, doing something that he disapproves of will ruin the therapeutic relationship, maybe you are carrying too much responsibility for the relationship going smoothly.

My session was today and it went so well. We talked for about 15 min about my regretful decision and moved on. He didn't judge me at all and even helped me reframe it :-) I feel like a weight has been lifted. Moral of the story: don't put off scary sessions, everything might be just fine and you'll be so glad you went!

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I agree. You think you're going to help yourself, but it makes things worse to cancel.