[Bentay]

Hi All,
I was thinking back at my sessions with T & remembered that I NEVER looked directly at him (maybe a glance up once or twice) & this didn't change for the two years I was in therapy. He also never asked why I didn't look at him. So I was wondering if that's weird & where other people look during session.

[Topiarysurvivor]

When I start looking off into space, my T pulls me back- moves or tries to get eye contact back.

[brillskep]

I look at my T (unoriginal I know, but I do and it's nice - and he's nice to look at, nice to really see that he cares).

[HazelGirl]

I wish I looked at my T more. I think it would help me feel more connected, to her and to what I am talking about. But I tend to spend the sessions staring at the floor or wall. It's very hard for me to look at her when I'm talking about trauma stuff.

[AllyIsHopeful]

I make eye contact with her 95% when she is talking and about 80% when I am talking. Sometimes depending on subject matter it is hard. But I find that when I force myself to make eye contact there is this strange connection and comfort. It's like she is able to pick up on things I am leaving out when we look at each other. Eye contact is very telling.

[sweepy62]

well since it was my first session yesterday with my t, I mostly looked at the carpet,and all over her office everywhere except her, then i had a micro glance at her, she was so wanting eye contact, I also did a little pacing, but its not that big of an office.

[granite1]

I look at her carpet,the door, and out the window (not much of a view)

[Mactastic]

I can look at him 90% of the time he's talking and I can look at him 60% when I'm talking. When I can't look I look at my coffee cup, the plant behind him, out the window, or at the clock.

[stopdog]

I usually only make eye contact if I am angry with the woman or at the end. Usually I look at the wall just past her head.
She has never mentioned it. Maybe she has never noticed. Once I was looking out the window over her head and that disturbed her - she kept turning around to look out and finally asked what was out there.

[someone321]

consulting T - around 90% eye contact, current T - 90% when he talks and 40% when I talk (more or less of course)

[A Red Panda]

I tend to look at his shirt or the wall. I try to make eye contact and can do so for short amounts of time if we're on a topic that doesn't bother me.

[Auntie2014]

When I first started CSA stuff my T let me sit with my back to her but she could see my face in the reflection of the window. I found it much easier to find my words this way. From time to time she would ask me to turn around the chair so she could make eye contact and we always ended session with me facing her.

[IndestructibleGirl]

We mostly have eye contact. A portion of the time when I'm talking about something difficult my eyes slide away for a bit. Or if I'm trying to sort out thoughts in my head before speaking I won't be looking directly at my therapist for those moments either. Recently she noticed we have been doing quite a lot of gazing without words - that's comfortable now, it wouldn't have been a while ago. The other night it struck me how I never do that with my biological mother and maybe that's why our relationship is so jarred, we never really have eye contact while being quiet, and when we do we're both nervous and watchful

With my late mother (who was amazing) we had plenty of eye contact, all the time, when talking and laughing (and arguing!) but also when being quiet and content. Our eyes could just meet and we'd both smile slightly and I would know I was her world, and she'd know she was mine.

I think (for me at least) seeing love reflected back at us in the eyes of somebody special is incredibly important.

I lie down, so mostly I look at the ceiling. The bare rafters look quite friendly by now.

When I sat facing T I usually looked at his feet, or the rug, or the furnishings. T never mentioned it. I did like it when we had a bit of eye contact, though.

I always look at the floor or at the door, I find it impossible to make eye contact with my T, She has never mentioned this to me though.

[Mactastic]

I once told my T I could describe his shoes in detail by memory but I didn't know his eye color. He laughed.

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[ready2makenice]

usually anywhere she is not visible to me. I have a hard time with direct eye contact with anyone though

[AllyIsHopeful]

The silent eye contact is the worst. It makes me so uncomfortable yet I can't look away because she locks me in!

A lot of times we start the session staring at one another and we both start laughing. Now I just joke about who will "win the staring contest".

-Hope

[UnderRugSwept]

My CBT T: I look at his face all the time unless I am taking notes or reading from notes I prepared.

Psychodynamic T: I look at him all the time as well, except when we have been in disagreement (this is a rather new thing) and then during the awkward silences I look at my shoes...

[growlycat]

Main T is by phone--no eye contact.

CBT T, if we are in his office and not working on driving phobia, then it varies. Like many of you, lots of eye contact when he speaks, but…
when I talk, I might look at his hands-esp his rings, shoes, his crazy ties, or I will look at the shelf of child therapy stuff behind him--a bear, a blanket, toys, games etc.

What I really like is when I'm feeling too shy for eye contact he will lean into the direction of my gaze to "bring me back in". Or, he will lean closer to me.

[Freewilled]

I struggle to maintain eye contact when I'm talking. I'm all over the room, usually staring at his bookcase or under his desk....although I also could describe his shoes pretty thoroughly lol

He doesn't really draw attention to this though....

[So hopeful]

I tend to look people in the eye, but my therapist and I look each other in the eye in a more profound and prolonged way than would be comfortable under normal circumstances. I like it. I feel like we're on a journey together that can be frightening, but I feel safe, protected and cared for when we're looking at each other. Like when you're climbing a ladder and you think, 'Don't look down and don't look around or you'll lose your step.' I trust him and cling to him in this way during a session.

When I bring up more graphic or distressing sexual material, I find myself looking elsewhere.

Oddly, just the other day he laughed a lot during the session. We've had some chuckles before, but this was more open laughter. I laughed with him, but each time I did I looked away. We talk about bodily matters, my wretchedness, my demons, joys, terrors and tribulations, but laughter was too intimate? When I did look up I caught the tail end of his laugh. It was beautiful! I hope I have a chance to see it again.

[lrt1978]

When T is talking, I make eye contact and look at T. When I'm talking, I either look down or to the side at the wall, sometimes I just close my eyes.

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[shezbut]

My T just remarked on how much eye contact I made during my last visit. He was pretty impressed, because I often look away (down on the floor, out the window, or at the wall). However, I also did only about 5% of the talking this week, as I was too resistant to talk.

Anyway, My T remarked that I often look away when I talk & that he saw a sharp improvement there. That's the first time that he's ever mentioned my lack of eye contact in the 3 years that I've been working with him.

[JaneC]

Just this week my T talked to me about my eye contact, because I was really struggling to look at him and I commented on it by saying that I felt just so ashamed. He asked in one of his kindest voices if I could try looking at him, even just a little bit, even just for a few seconds. He said that it would begin to help to break the cycle of shame. I told him that I couldn't right then.

We have talked about it before also, in the context of eye contact being important for building relationships etc.

I find I spend a lot of time looking at the floor and out the window, but when we are having a discussion that does not involve historical stuff, trauma or really difficult emotions I appreciate looking at him. It does help to strengthen the connection and sometimes I even see care in his expression.(At least I think that is what it is). And if I didn't look sometimes I wouldn't have seen his tears of empathy or his kind smile.