There is room for everybody on Couch 72

Hankster- for some reason, I don't think that I would have any problem grading fairly. But, I wonder if T would think about that?

This all comes on the heels of the intense fear that T is going to leave me all of a sudden.. I hate worrying about my T leaving me, I feel so stupid!

Perhaps? Perhaps? You mean you thought I might be wrong about their wily ways?





(I am teasing here - this is not meant to be serious)

LOL!

I know you are teasing, stopdog.

To everybody: I am useless at responding to people. I'm really sorry. I'm going through a really hard time, I have zero support in RL, and that leaves me with much less strength to be supportive. I'm sorry. Sometimes I respond to some posts and not to others, and maybe that seems as if I don't care about the poster I don't reply to, when I do reply to someone else. I suck at CMC.

It's OK to step back and take care of you. It does take strength to be supportive, and you need to use your strength to help yourself right now. We know that you care. To me, PC is about receiving and giving support. Let us know how we can support you right now.

Dear mast - you do more as couch host than most ever do. Or maybe thats just me. I start a couch and just let it fly. Oopsie. Yes, i was raised in a barn.

Good morning all.

I am not in T, so I do not respond to T things simply because I don't feel I have a right to. I do care though. Also, I don't have a ton of time to hang out these days, so I am not on frequently enough to horse around. Sorry if I offended you, Chopin, or anyone for that matter.

I have to add that when I get called out as being uncaring when I don't respond to EVERY post, it makes me want to back off more. I don't like the pressure of having to come up with a comment for ever single post. Just saying. There really isn't anyone on the couch that I dislike. I don't post on threads because, again, I am not in T so I have nothing to add.

[/disclaimer]

I am working triage at the clinic today, and then I am giving tours to people interested in becoming volunteers. I'll be busy most of the day.

Granite - how did T go?

Wikid, I think you have just as much of a right to respond as anyone else. You've been in therapy before, and reading some of your experiences was helpful for me. I am with you, also, on the getting called out for not responding thing. I tend to pull back. One of the assorted things that made me stop posting much was a fear that responding to one person would be seen as a slight by someone to whom I didn't respond because I didn't know what to say or was afraid of saying the wrong thing to. I also developed a fear of saying the wrong thing in general. It got to the point where it didn't seem to matter WHAT I said, someone was going to think I was judgmental or telling the other person what to do, or just was being "unsupportive."

Anyway, at the risk of hurting people by singling only certain people out, Granite, how did it go yesterday? I bolted from my session to be sick part way through, so it couldn't have been worse than that, right?

Ready, I am SO glad about your memory and that you are making so much progress with YT in the short time you have with him. Have you decided whether you are going back to the female T after he moves?

Stopdog, I feel for you on the pain thing and having to deal with a partner's assertions it is certain activities that cause it. My H keeps trying to say that my unscheduled dismounts from my horses are the cause of my aches and pains.

"unscheduled dismounts" - I like that. (Nice to see you, mkac.)

Thanks MKAC, I think it's natural to be closer to some people than others...just like real life. Most people know Granite and I are close. I have known her longer than anyone else on here, she is the first person who reached out to me when I started on PC. So yea, I am going to comment to her more, but that doesn't mean I dislike others, or don't care about anyone else.

I know. I refuse to be afraid and live in a sanitized bubble.

Mast...I think you are supportive.. But like temec (sp) said ...its okay to take care of you and receive support....and to let us know how we can help...

So for those who have been around the couch for a while....sit down when you read this...

My H has been and is being super sweet, super supportive, meeting lots of my emotional needs.....not perfect...not fake...its genuine...

I sort of feel like Jack Frost in that scene in Santa Claus 3 when his heart gets melted....

(I know in the past reading something like this would make me want to puke so I apologize to those who will feel this way)

Ready, I actually made that girly "oooohhhh" noise when I read this. Good for you and for him! So happy for you.

Thanks, Mast. I hope things improve for you soon.

Exactly. My H and I had the discussion that I will not let fear (his or mine) stop me from doing what I is important to me. We have reached a couple of compromises -- I always, always wear a helmet, and I don't do jumping or fox hunting. He knows my plan is to keep riding until I fall dead off my horse, and he says he will just try to keep in mind I was doing what made me happy.

That's very cool, RTS.
wikid, I don't think you have to actually be in therapy at the moment to have the right to say things about T. I also think you are the exact opposite of uncaring.

I'm not sure what's going on with me. I had a really hard T session yesterday, and today I have been struggling a lot - I had lunch with somebody I used to be very close to, and we had a difficult conversation and now I feel worse, I just want to cry. I sent a txt to T an hour ago, saying that I pretty much want to give up - thankfully he replied, just to say "see you tomorrow", which I appreciated. But really, I don't want to tell him how awful I was feeling after yesterday's session - on the other hand I guess it's relevant data, and I can't not tell him either. Why are relationships with people so messy?

And I know that what I'm saying doesn't give you much information.

Have to do a lot of cleaning today and I'm really not looking forward to it.

Those who obviously have an issue with me should speak to me directly. It is painfully obvious that you are talking to me. I apologized for my outburst last night, but know that it is unrealistic to expect forgiveness from all. It is unnatural to expect everyone to get along; however, I am not going to cower in fear or run away as my instincts tell me to do. I know I have just as much right to be here as anyone else unless I violate a forum rule. One of the most important lessons I've learned since I left PC is that I am a person of inherent worth. Learning this has given me great confidence in myself and my abilities. I try my best to live my own values, one of those being not to harm others; however, I am a human being, same as everyone else here, and I make mistakes. Last night I made a mistake and I am truly sorry for that, but I'm not going to hide in a corner or flagellate myself because I did. I'm simply moving on and accepting the consequences of my actions.

A very heartfelt thank you to those who are supportive of me and stand by me. I've made some true friends here and for that, I am very grateful.

That is progress. Good for you.

I had a very difficult but much needed conversation with my H last night. I am now dealing with my sexuality and the issues in my marriage. Dealing with this shakes me to my very core. The talk with H went well, but now I must wait for actions to follow. I believe in H, but this is something we've attempted to handle on our own to no avail. It all frightens me so much.

Thanks GTGT. You once told me I was a mensch and I had to look it up. Now that I know what it means, I can say with certainty that you are a mensch also.

Wow, chopin, that has to be scary and hard. I'm too much of a coward to talk to my H about things like my sexuality, and I really admire those who can have those conversations. Are you worried that H will withdraw from you? (Apologies if I'm being too inquisitive - let me know if it's none of my business.)

Hey Mast. I'm sorry you are having a hard time yourself, darlin'. Maybe we can sit in our discomfort together. I'm glad your T was responsive. He sounds like a good one.

H is already withdrawn, so that wouldn't be a change. I don't want to divulge too many details, but most of the conversation has to do with his weight...and the fact that he hasn't seriously tried to lose any in the past. I'm not being shallow; H's weight is a serious issue...he's currently about 450 lbs. I am afraid of being a widow much too young or having to be his caretaker. I already have some "caretaker" duties and I feel resentment at times because H just seems to accept that he cannot do anything. Our talk was about those feelings and H agreed to try to lose weight. The sad thing is, he doesn't eat much...but he eats unhealthily. Like I said, time will tell.

Then congratulations are in order! Your T can't do anything about the material you are teaching; isn't that mandated by the school? I would imagine parent-teacher conferences being awkward, but I think you can certainly handle it. Talking with T will be key. I hope for the best for you!!

Wiki, you haven't offended me at all. I made a mistake and deleted that part of my post. I see the issue as systemic, not necessarily related to one or two particular people. I've been told a lot of crap happened after I left that seemed to decimate the couch and some react by being hesitant and fearful. I can't live my life that way anymore, so I plan to be as open as I want to be. I don't know what happened...I haven't read back. I don't have that kind of time. I just hate the changes I perceive.

I don't expect anyone to respond to every post. You also have the right to give an opinion on anything you want to. You don't have to be in T to have an opinion about T. You've been in T, so you have experience. You are a valuable person no matter what.