Blank slates

I understand why T's are blank slates and I also respect the process behind it. How can we work on ourselves if we're focusing on someone else? But it's still really, really hard for me. I wish I knew more about my real-life therapist and it saddens me sometimes to know that the most important person in my life right now is totally emotionally off limits and nothing more than an enigma. He's also 99% the byproduct of my own projections. I hinted at these feelings in my last session and he said he understood, having been in therapy so long himself. Sometimes I wonder if it's difficult for therapists as well, to constantly keep back, remain anonymous, and unable to bring themselves into the room with casual conversation.

What are your views on blank slates? Do you side with me in that they bug you, or are you totally fine with not knowing a thing about your therapist?

I am totally fine with not knowing anything about his life. I do know a little about him, because his musical and literary tastes often shine through in our discussions. I am a little curious about what he does during the summer, and things like that, but I would never ask because I really am fine with not knowing, and since I know that he wouldn't answer, asking would be pointless.

What does bug me a little is the way he discourages questions about his health when he is clearly unwell - which is not often, but right now he's had a cold for a couple of weeks, and I would like to know if he is feeling better, but am afraid to ask. He has never cancelled a session because he was ill, so he's in good health generally speaking.

Having had a T who talked too much about himself during my time...has totally cured my dislike of the blank slate. I am all about making my session be about me!

My Pdoc isn't a completely blank slate, but he only reveals stuff to me that's either fairly innocuous, or that I will benefit from in some way, like stuff I can relate to. It's sort of nicely in between being a completely blank slate, and being so over sharing that the therapeutic relationship begins to feel threatened. I've had both types of Ts/Pdocs before and the extremes of either end don't suit me. I prefer a more balanced approach.

My T isn't a complete blank slate. I know her personality, and some of her past. I probably know more than some of her other clients because I have specifically said that knowing she has been where I am at is helpful for me because it reminds me that she really does understand from an experiential point of view. So she tries to show me that she understands by citing different situations where she has felt similar.

I've never had a blank slate T, so I can't really know how I'd react. I understand the theory that supports it, and it makes sense to me. But I think for those of us whose difficulties center on attachment, relationship, or trauma, an absolute blank slate approach is probably too alienating to inspire a trusting alliance. The pure blank slate approach was designed predominantly to address neurosis. My T was circumspect about info he shared, and yet worked within a psychoanalytically influenced modality, so it doesn't have to be absolute.

I don't think I would respond well to a blank slate. With my T's, I have always been very relaxed and comfortable because they were also very relaxed and comfortable. They didn't over-share, but there was always a certain amount of give and take that kept them human for me. Blank slate is just not "normal" in real life; pretty much everyone shares parts of themselves with others in some fashion.

I agree that it's not necessarily absolute, fkm. I would not want a T who shared absolutely nothing. But my biggest problems are to do with relationships (both my marriage, and other social relationships), and despite this I would not want T to share anything about his family, if any, or his past relationship issues, if any. That would make me uncomfortable, and it would make me wonder if he thought less of me for not managing my problems as well as he did, and it definitely wouldn't make me feel more understood. T understands me, that's something I am convinced of, but since our relationships are necessarily different, using his own relationships as examples for me would just make me feel that he wanted me to be like him, or something.

I have not had any one who were total blank slates. If anything I have wondered why they were telling me about themselves. I don't think it would be all that upsetting to me.

my previous T was blank slate, e.g. the only information which he provided about himself was his name... no, actually now I realized that it's not true, once he said that he was crying a lot when he was a baby (i.e. < 1 month old) but it was more to annoy me that even babies can protect themselves by crying But I am not sure if I was not the biggest fan of the blank slate approach or just of my T...

My current T discloses some facts like "my husband got retired so probably I'll take more holidays next years than I used to take", so I know that she's married

I've read somewhere that in some cases "blank slate" approach may even cause some damage to clients but to be honest in some cases even water can be unhealthy so I am not so sure about this statement...

i've never had a blank slate t either. mine shares things about herself on a limited basis, when it specifically relates to what we are talking about. seems like here lately, it's become less limited for whatever reason, but then again that might just be my imagination since we're not talking weekly anymore. For me, the progress that I've made in therapy has been mostly due to the therapy relationship we have, and I would not have been able to develop this relationship with a blank slate. Of course, it might have been less painful at certain points to NOT have it this way... hmm....

I don't generally think it's helpful for Ts to divulge about issues they share with a client. So I wouldn't want a T to share about trauma if I were dealing with trauma. For me it was more inconsequential info or answers to my questions, usually about parenting or child behavior as a way of making sense of my own experiences. I think hearing him relate parenting experiences gave me confidence both in his knowledge and goodwill.

By absolute I just meant that most people who talk about their Ts as "blank slate" really aren't blank slate as it was originally conceived, unless they are in traditional psychoanalysis.

I would hate someone with a totally blank slate, my first adult psychiatrist had a totally blank slate (knew absolutely nothing about him) and I hated him for that.

A blank slate would drive me totally crazy. My t is very open about her feelings and her life, and it has been extremely helpful and healing for me.

After having ts with bad boundaries and who talked too much about themselves I love blank slate ts and have a new found appreciation for them

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On reflection, a couple of my very brief (half a dozen sessions) stints with past therapists have been pretty much all blank slate. Or maybe some would have disclosed little bits and pieces if I'd been with them longer? I don't know.

My T does disclose stuff, whatever she deems to be appropriate - and I distinctly remember the first particular thing she told me which made me appreciate she had once been somewhere similar to me in relation to a particular issue - and I just though 'oh, I see - now I know why you get this' and part of me relaxed a little.

I have seen two therapists in my life. One about 23 years ago while in college and the current one. Both were pretty open I only saw the first one a few months as the school stopped the contract with therapists...this was before colleges all had therapists on staff. I knew a fairly significant amount. Current T in the 5 years I have learned A LOT. In both cases it would come up in conversations. For me it is important as one of my issues is trust and also feeling like and outcast based on my history and current diagnosis.

Whenever I see a blank slate I want to smash it.

My T tries to be a blank slate, but sometimes he slips. He's human. He catches himself and he usually gives me a reason why he is telling me something about himself.

For the most part, I enjoy learning more about him, but sometimes he tells me things which i would rather not know. Nothing weird, but things like how many clients he has ( I like to believe he is all mine!)

Im curious about his outside life, but every time he gives me a piece of his real life, it gives me more to think about. I have enough on my mind! I want to keep focused on what I need to do to fix me and less on wondering about who he really is and what he is really like when he is not working.

Past long-term T was super open about herself to the point where it became annoying; honestly, I really didn't care about the most recent book she read or about her kids. ED T I actually did like hearing about her kids and her life, but probably just because I had so much maternal transference with her. Past CBT T never told me anything about herself.

Current T is a pretty blank slate. The only thing she's told me about herself is her sexual orientation, and that she's married, and only because I asked about her ring. I was very happy she answered me without circling around it or asking why I wanted to know. I sometimes wish she would be more open with me, but her boundaries.

Not all therapists are blank slates, and it also depends on the person seeing the therapist. Some people can't do therapy with blank slates.

It does bother me too sometimes. Especially since I see her as a role model and feel like any information I get about her is vitally important because it shows me what I should try to be like. The blank slate also scares me because I am always afraid of overstepping a line by asking a question that my T will not want to answer. I feel like I'm always confused about what our relationship really is.

Especially since I see her as a role model and feel like any information I get about her is vitally important because it shows me what I should try to be like.

This is exactly the argument for a blank slate. The T's job is to help you discover and accept and become your authentic self, rather than allow you to be unduly influenced.