[haier]

My therapist made a suggestion, it goes like this; "tell your therapist you missed her while she was gone on vacation." We were discussing relationships and reaching out. Umm...I feel like this is boundary crossing for me in a MAJOR way. Nope, I could never do that, that's a big no for me. It's not a big deal but I'm very uncomfortable with this idea. I don't even want to talk to her about this. I'm not going to do that. No, no, no. I can't believe she even believes that that's ok. I know, maybe I'm overreacting, i just feel like that's a lot to ask from me and now i feel like an @$$50le! I feel like such a jerk and at the same time I'm mad at her for expecting me to do that. How does that help me in therapy? Wth is this??? I'm so confused and I don't know why but i just feel so vulnerable and threatened by this. I cannot even talk to her about this, it's just too much right now. It feels like a bomb just got dropped on me tonight. I feel so anxious. And then i keep trying to figure out why it's pulling such a reaction from me. I feel So stupid and dumb and ridiculous. I hid it well in session but next week she's going to bring it up and I don't know how to talk about this. I don't want to be mean. Why am I like this?

[Cherubbs]

Is she pointing out the elephant in the room or was it uncalled for because it wasn't an issue for you? She may feel that it's a necessary step in your therapy? If you aren't ready for it or don't feel that way, you can tell her that too right? Oh, the brainspin they can put us into just completely sux. ��

[HazelGirl]

It sounds like it is bothering you because it's true. And you are terrified to admit it.

[A Red Panda]

Did I get this right? Your therapist told you that you should tell her, your T, that you missed her while she was gone?

Even though it's really upsetting and anxiety-inducing, it sounds like a good topic for you and a good area of your life to be working through. From the amount that you've gotten upset, and you have said that you feel vulnerable, wouldn't it be worth exploring why it is so difficult for you to tell someone that you've missed them?

I know that in my own past, I tell my friends that I don't get to see that I miss them. And each time that it's just been ignored, dismissed, or simply not returned... it hurts. It tells me that I don't matter and my feelings are irrelevant... that I'm not a good enough person to miss, or that I'm replaceable, etc. I don't like to open myself up to that level of vulnerability because I view it as something that will just cause me pain and feelings of rejection. Is it anything like that for you?

Originally Posted by Cherubbs

Is she pointing out the elephant in the room or was it uncalled for because it wasn't an issue for you? She may feel that it's a necessary step in your therapy? If you aren't ready for it or don't feel that way, you can tell her that too right? Oh, the brainspin they can put us into just completely sux. ��

ain't that the truth!!!!!!

[Freewilled]

I can relate, although my T has never come out and told me I needed to tell him I missed him over vacation.

Did you miss her?

[CantExplain]

((Haier))

It might be worth thinking about why you can't say, "I missed you."

[haier]

I was kinda going crazy last night. Much better today. I've been thinking about it and yes you're probably all correct. I do not do this kind of stuff normally. I'm good at pushing away not admitting i actually miss you. I don't think i can do it. I mean for what? She's a therapist not my friend. Yea it hit a nerve big time! I feel horrible cause it stirred up a lot of feelings and it kind of made me angry. Yes it sux. I can't see myself saying that to her...I'm such a jerk. I feel like she's purposefully trying to push my buttons to get a reaction from me. I'm going to try and be honest next week, am kind of scared about what new discoveries i make. I grew up and aged out of foster homes. I've felt unlovable my whole life. I don't have secure relationships. I've learned people cannot be depended on. Promises are always broken. Those who are supposed to care for you don't -they hurt you instead. I know why i have issues. Change is so hard. I don't know how to be ok with it. Not ready to do this yet but I'm willing to explore it a little more. I'm afraid it's going to bring up some ugliness though. Sigh....thank you for helping me with this. I don't feel so crazy now.

[blackrat1081]

Hey, don't feel bad, you're not a jerk. She probably is trying to push your buttons, b/c she 'does' want to get a reaction from you...that's why you're in therapy, right?:} I know exactly what you mean-I feel like I can't trust people-definitely not a man. People like to break promises a lot:{. I feel like my T knows about my "transference" {lol} and he tries to run away from me like I'm ugly and I feel unwanted pretty much. He pretty much hates me. I can't ever tell him or I know he'll be mad and transfer me. Your therapist sounds like she cares about you-she wouldn't try to get you to talk if she didnt. Good luck next week! It will be okay!

[CantExplain]

((Haier))

You're being very brave and I'm sure you will make further progress!