A funny thing happened with the 1st potential T I consulted...but not actually funny

There's NOTHING wrong with you. You're having a tough time. It's going to be okay, it won't always feel like this all of the time. Promise. You also don't need to make any hard decisions right now this minute, take some pressure off yourself. Recognize that you have all the time you need.

There's nothing wrong with you. It's totally okay to give all this a little time and let things fall into place. Advice and opinions can be overwhelming. As hard as all this is, there's no emergency and it sounds like you're very resourceful and know yourself well. You'll figure it out and find the solution that works for you.

You know when everyone gives pretty similar advice on this forum? When the OP is in a dire situation and/or a T is being seriously unprofessional. For the greyer areas advice is all over the map. You just need to see what resonates best with you and accept that no solution is going to be perfect.

Well, people on this forum have told me many times that if this T isn't working for me, then I can try out other options. Even T keeps telling me to try other options. So I think I know what I want to do, and I think I want a T that I might be able to transition to seeing exclusively, depending on how things go, but for now I want to see both Ts. And I think for whatever reason, rational or not, I will feel more comfortable with a queer T. (Possibly because I've coded queer as less likely for maternal transference to happen; I don't know, but for some reason that feels important on a gut level.) I have two consults next week, and I've done lots and lots of research, so I really am trying.

And it will probably be fine; either I will like one of the two or I won't and then go back to the drawing board and consider other Ts who maybe don't specialize in trauma work or who aren't queer or whose offices are less accessible by public transit or whatever, and I will see where the relationship goes and keep my options open by holding onto current T. That seems like the smartest way to do it.

It's just all so overwhelming and I've been having way too much anxiety lately and realizing I don't actually have anyone to support me. I've been screwing things up with current T, with mentor figure, with my mother, and now I've made my discussion group that I go to every week uncomfortable for myself because I didn't know that one of the people who attends it is also a T. I just feel like everyone is seeing sides of me lately that I don't want them to see.

There is no one right answer so give yourself a break. Just throw the spaghetti against the wall and see what sticks.

Yearning, ultimately, whatever you end up doing will be the right thing for you. You know how you feel, you are the expert on you. People on PC et al. don't have this insight on you, your therapy or the relationship with your current T that you do. So, yes, any thread asking for opinions is bound to contain diverse and contradictory advice. But don't let this throw you, go with what you feel will help -you-

If you want to try, and look for, a queer T then by all means follow this urge or need. Don't worry so much. It seems you want to do the right thing but aren't sure what it is. There might not be a 'perfect' solution & it might take trial and error to reach but ultimately, you will find the right (might not be 'perfect') solution for you. Don't stress so much, let it go & follow your instincts.

There is nothing wrong with you. Life can just be rather complicated and confusing at times. We can only try to muddle through as best we can by following what we feel is right... for us.

Unfortunately, the wall is white. So spaghetti will stain it.

Actually that isn't necessarily true - in my mind, I'm picturing spaghetti with tomato sauce. Sauce-less spaghetti would be fine, but boring.

Haha. Yearning, it is a way to test if the pasta is done cooking. You take a piece of spaghetti and throw it against the wall. If it is done it will stick to the wall and if it isn't done yet it will fall to the floor. It's the fun way to find out when it's cooked. Definitely don't throw the sauce on the wall! lol I find that much of life is really trial and error so you just have to see what sticks. You are going to be okay. You're very bright and I bet talented too.

I did not know that. Thank you for teaching me something new.