[willowbrook]

I've been seeing my Pdoc for around 3 years. With all that he is already done for me (waived fees, taken me on as a private patient but billed me through a government clinic, even though he wasn't supposed to, gone into bat for me when the Govt. Suits he answers to started insisting my treatment be terminated, agreed to transfer me back to the other clinic if the new one doesn't work out and the 'Suit's can get stuffed, etc etc), now he's not only agreed to have me come in for a special appointment to be monitored when I take my first dose of a new AntiDepressant, because he knows I'm worried about having a bad reaction, he's also agreed that if anything happens, like if I end up getting really bombed out or sedated, so long as I'm safe to travel, he's going to arrange to pay for a taxi home for me - that's approximately a $100 fare.

What the hell did I do to deserve this. I mean I really appreciate it, but I feel like I don't deserve him being so good and helpful to me. I'm no one special, and it makes me feel like I should be, I don't know, doing things to earn what I'm being given.

Does anyone else struggle with feelings of guilt when their Pdoc or T is so nice to them.

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by willowbrook

Does anyone else struggle with feelings of guilt when their Pdoc or T is so nice to them.

YES! All the time. What I'm learning, though, is that they wouldn't offer to do these things if it wasn't something they wanted to do. We don't always have to earn or be able to justify someone else's kindness. It's really hard to accept, but I think there comes a point where you just kind of have to say to yourself - "they are being nice and I can accept that without feeling guilty or undeserving." I've found that the more I tell myself that, the more I start to believe it.

[doyoutrustme]

Very much yes

tapatalk post.

[willowbrook]

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

YES! All the time. What I'm learning, though, is that they wouldn't offer to do these things if it wasn't something they wanted to do. We don't always have to earn or be able to justify someone else's kindness. It's really hard to accept, but I think there comes a point where you just kind of have to say to yourself - "they are being nice and I can accept that without feeling guilty or undeserving." I've found that the more I tell myself that, the more I start to believe it.

It's just so what I'm not used to. My experience with most Pdocs/Ts has been either complete incompetence, overreaction, underreaction, abandonment or abuse. Now I have this awesome Pdoc who's really pulling out all the stops to try and help me and it's like *stunned* Whaaaa???? How the hell did I get this? Why me? I'm nobody, go help someone else who deserves it.

I know logically that's not a healthy way to think and I deserve help as much as anyone else, but I'm just not used to having a Pdoc who is this good at doing his job to the point that he goes above and beyond for his patients.

I think this might be something I need to work on.

[willowbrook]

Originally Posted by doyoutrustme

Very much yes

tapatalk post.

I'm sorry you can relate. I agree with what Blessed Rhiannon said though, we need to remind ourselves that we do deserve their help (even if the guilt starts kicking in).

[BlessedRhiannon]

Originally Posted by willowbrook

It's just so what I'm not used to. My experience with most Pdocs/Ts has been either complete incompetence, overreaction, underreaction, abandonment or abuse. Now I have this awesome Pdoc who's really pulling out all the stops to try and help me and it's like *stunned* Whaaaa???? How the hell did I get this? Why me? I'm nobody, go help someone else who deserves it.

Yeah - I'm not used to it either. It's not something I got from my family - my job was to take care of everyone else, not have someone take care of me or go out of their way for me. My first two T's consistently had non-helpful reactions and didn't encourage me to build any kind of strong relationship or trust with them. To have a T that actually seems to care, is good at her job, wants to help me, and consistently reacts to things in ways that are helpful for me is just so weird! I'm always stunned when T doesn't over react to something or she offers her time or even just reads my body language correctly.

Accepting this stuff is a work in progress. It's worth talking about with your pdoc/T, but you might have to go with a bit of radical acceptance too.

[willowbrook]

Originally Posted by BlessedRhiannon

Yeah - I'm not used to it either. It's not something I got from my family - my job was to take care of everyone else, not have someone take care of me or go out of their way for me. My first two T's consistently had non-helpful reactions and didn't encourage me to build any kind of strong relationship or trust with them. To have a T that actually seems to care, is good at her job, wants to help me, and consistently reacts to things in ways that are helpful for me is just so weird! I'm always stunned when T doesn't over react to something or she offers her time or even just reads my body language correctly.

Accepting this stuff is a work in progress. It's worth talking about with your pdoc/T, but you might have to go with a bit of radical acceptance too.

Yeah I was the same, I was the one who tended to have to put their own needs aside and look after others in my family. I still get more satisfaction and joy out of helping other people, so my Pdoc is trying to teach me how to do that without forgetting about my own needs as well. We've made progress there, so maybe I need to apply the same principals to this as well.

[Favorite Jeans]

You deserve his kindness and generosity. Why not? Everyone deserves competent, compassionate healthcare. The fact that so many have to go without this is a problem with the system. I'm sure you're a good person, but that shouldn't be the point.

Anyway, if you're not doing it already, I'm sure that at some point you'll pay it forward when you're in a position to help someone who needs you. I have no doubt that your pdoc got many lucky breaks and much support along the way that allowed him to get as far as he has and he is now paying it forward with his kindness to you.

(((Willowbrook)))

This is great news. I think you can get used to it.
Wouldn't you do it for someone if you could?

My former T (also my Pdoc like yours) treated me weekly for free for an entire summer when I was having a really difficult time. I felt guilty and worried like you at first, but later, I accepted it 100%, and it didn't effect our sessions.

Please don't think you have to be in any way different, such as more appreciative, less 'needy' because he is doing this for you. This is his compassion and he is giving it to you. Giving being the key word...

Like Favorite Jeans said, pay it forward some day if it makes you feel better. In fact, that's a lovely concept.

[willowbrook]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

You deserve his kindness and generosity. Why not? Everyone deserves competent, compassionate healthcare. The fact that so many have to go without this is a problem with the system. I'm sure you're a good person, but that shouldn't be the point.

Anyway, if you're not doing it already, I'm sure that at some point you'll pay it forward when you're in a position to help someone who needs you. I have no doubt that your pdoc got many lucky breaks and much support along the way that allowed him to get as far as he has and he is now paying it forward with his kindness to you.

That's a really good way of looking at. That actually sounds like something my Pdoc would say.

[willowbrook]

Originally Posted by skies

(((Willowbrook)))

This is great news. I think you can get used to it.
Wouldn't you do it for someone if you could?

My former T (also my Pdoc like yours) treated me weekly for free for an entire summer when I was having a really difficult time. I felt guilty and worried like you at first, but later, I accepted it 100%, and it didn't effect our sessions.

Please don't think you have to be in any way different, such as more appreciative, less 'needy' because he is doing this for you. This is his compassion and he is giving it to you. Giving being the key word...

Like Favorite Jeans said, pay it forward some day if it makes you feel better. In fact, that's a lovely concept.

I'd help him out in a heartbeat if I could, but I understand boundaries and dual relationships and all that stuff. I guess I sort of try to pay it forward, or pay it back by trying to really work hard on stuff on take on board what we're discussing and learning in therapy. I figure my making progress and doing better is a gift in itself, especially because I figure it must make my Pdoc feel good to know he's doing a good job and getting somewhere with me, especially with my case being a complicated one.

I do try to pay stuff forward as well by just being supportive to friends who are going through similar stuff with MH issues and trying to make myself available to them if they need me. I guess I just sort of expect that I should be making this huge grand gesture of gratitude towards my Pdoc because I'm not used to this level of someone going out of their way to really help me.

I'm a lot better than I used to be, but I do struggle with self esteem issues which I think does tie into the whole 'feeling undeserving' stuff. I know my Pdoc is trying to work on lifting my self esteem by telling me all the positives he sees in me, it's just still hard for me to accept that stuff is true though hence the feelings of being undeserving.

I might include some of this stuff in my next pre-session notes so Pdoc and I can talk about it more.